I want to cry...

[organicmom3]

I am so overwhelmed and frustrated. 
I have three children.  One is 16 and the other school aged child  is 12.  And we have our beloved 16 month old son.
I was really counting on having a young lady live with us through at least the first 4-5 months of the school year and be a nanny to my youngest during the school day and do odd jobs and some driving for the older kids.  So with just one week before our BIG 3 week vacation (and we have to start school within 3 days of our return) she sends me a message via facebook and says, guess what? I got engaged and I'm getting married in October so I can't help you after all.

HELP!  I don't know what to do.  We really sort of live in the boonies....I can't just find someone to replace her.  I wouldn't even know how or have the time to do so....  I did send a mailing to our homeschool group and am trying to spread the word, but in the meantime....if we even do eventually find somone we could actually afford....I don't know how to do this.  I really really need at least 2-3 hours a day to accomplish my goal.  And that's without all my cooking time, etc...that's just school.  So while some may say , oh cut back on school and do it during nap....no...that won't cut it.  My kids really really need guidance in a couple subject areas, they really do require the time and my toddler doesn't always nap long...sometimes only 45 minutes...sometimes

3 hours but it's totally unreliable.  That's just the way he is.  Nothing I do changes that. 

I can't cut back on cooking....we live on a totally whole foods diet and I can't change that. Our health really does depend on it for many many reasons.

So ....  that leaves me with how to entertain a 16 month old for at least a couple hours a day? How do I make him be okay with playing on his own for that long?  How do I do this without training him to the TV? I don't mind getting him a 10-30 minute video maybe (maybe) 2-3 x a week....but not every day and no longer than that.  So what kind of toys are out there today that might engage him for longer?  Any ideas would be appreciated.  I'm just ready to break down here....

[Leav97]

Your older kids are old enough to help.  Well you work with 16 year old the 12 year old can entertain the toddler and vice versa. 

I understand having specific diet requirements.  Do the older kids help prepare food? 

[4evermom]

Can your big kids trade off doing things with the toddler while you work with the other?  My mom used to actually pay us to babysit siblings so we wouldn't resent having to take care of each other.  It was more of a privilege than an annoyance the way she handled it.  But the family was bigger so there were more choices of who was in charge of the littlest.  She would also pay us a nickle a book to read to the toddlers, lol.

[organicmom3]

The thing is, my 16 year old is a slow worker.  As it is, I see her doing schoolwork from probably about 8 in the morning till at least 4 in the afternoon....without much break time.  So while I could do that, I feel much more than a half hour would be totally unfair to her...she has so much to do...and after school she does help with food prep, etc. and other things too.  My 12 year old would love to help....and I'm sure he will, but while he's not a slow worker necessarily, he IS highly distractable...so I hesitate to have him help too as that's one more thing to keep him from accomplishing his own work.....   Not that I won't let them help, mind you...it's just a last resort for me for these reasons.

[MommaCrystal]

My older ones are not as old as yours.  But we are engaged for at least 2-3 hours a day on school work, art activities, projects, experiments, etc.  And they have a whole long list of activities and commitments that I drive them too nearly every day.

I've created a generally baby proof area in my living room.  I bring the baby in with a bunch of her toys and things she likes.  The kids work at the table.  I sit with them when they need me.  I sit with the baby when she needs me. Sometimes she's up in my lap. I hop the gate and toss a load in the washer, empty the dishwasher, scrub the toilet or whatever when I see a 5 minute reprieve here or there.  On extra cranky days the baby goes into her carrier. 

Other times she goes in her high chair and I fill her tray with water or other fun stuff to keep her busy for a bit while I get the boys going on whatever it is they need help with.  Or I'll dump a whole bunch of cooking objects on the floor for her to play with.  Or perhaps a box or two.  Whatever she'll find interesting that day.

It sure is a juggling act but it gets done.  Everyone gets the attention they need.  I also run a business.  I'd LOVE an extra set of hands... but it isn't in the cards right now.  Maybe someday.  How did you find your young lady to begin with?

[moominmamma]

Are you sure that 8 hours of schoolwork a day is really necessary for the kind of learning your 16-year-old is getting from it? Is it possible that a different curriculum could be more streamlined? That sounds really over the top. My own teens have never averaged more than about 2 hours a day of desk-work. There are a lot of efficiencies that can be realized in homeschooling, in my experience. 

I hear you about the 12-year-old's distractibility, but I think what people were envisioning was a situation where one of your older kids would take responsibility for your toddler when *not* doing school work. So, for example, your 12-year-old could take the toddler out for a walk for an hour in the mornings, feed him a snack, play with him in the living room. Then in the afternoon, your 16-year-old could take over doing these things while your 12-year-old does his academic work.

I have four kids spanning 9 years. When my youngest was under 5 we made a lot of use of non-traditional school time for one-on-one work with the other kids. In the evening when daddy was home, he could run interference with the little one and I could spend time individually with the older kids. Or we'd do the same on weekends if their dad was off work. I also encouraged my older kids to stay up fairly late, well after the little one was in bed, and make use of that time. Perhaps your 16-year-old could move the work she needs to do with you to the evenings after the little one is in bed?

Miranda

[organicmom3]

I can't see how anyone can do that much coursework in 2 hours...I know 8 seems like a lot...but a half hour of that is our family devotion time and another hour of that is lunch.  The rest is English (literature, vocabulary, spelling and writing....she takes a lot of time to read as she reads well now but still slow), chemistry (she must keep up in order to attend the lab at a facility her friends are going to every other week), geometry (math is not her thing, she's good but takes her time), civics (the easy course for the year) and spanish....not sure how long that will take her.  In addition to that she has music lessons every week that is part of the school day and she needs to get most of her work done Monday thru Thurs since Friday's are our days for co-op and occasionally some volunteer work.  Co-op is just gym class so that can't count for the other academics. She needs these courses if she wants to go to college and she does want to go to college.  Believe me, I've chosen the best curriculum that I could find to suit her needs and still prep her for college course work and life in general.  I wish I could find something else to lighten her load more, but I have done the best that I can.
 

As for my 12 year old, we'll have to see.  Last year at the beginning of the year, it was taking him 7 hours to complete about a half day of work.  We did  a lot of scheduling things to assist him and finally found something that clicked.  Assuming it still works this year, he may be my ticket home so to speak!  BUT....I don't want to rely on that.  I want as many back up plans as possible.  Not everything that works well with him one day, works the next..and so on....  I can't bet on this working so I need other options as I won't let him fall behind just so I can get help with his brother....  I've played to many years playing catch up with his older sister where the public schools failed her.  He's where he needs to be as long as we keep him motivated and working at a steady pace.  So again, while I hope that the schedule we made for him works well this year and that he can help, I just don't want to assume that it will.

I liked the idea of moving some of the work to evening....SHE doesn't.  And while I know to some that sounds like I'm letting her be in charge, it's not.  It is just that she is so dead set against it, that I know it won't work and that it would be a struggle not worth fighting.  I might bring it up again....maybe she could at least do some reading at night or something else low key....not anything that would be a big chunk of time though.

I love that you are all trying to help.  It's so hard to offer advice here to others when you don't know the ins and outs of their day, isn't it?  Please know I'm listening to all your thoughts intently.  I'm not dismissing any of your ideas...just reflecting on them and giving a little more of our picture...

I guess I"m looking for creative ideas to help foster some self-play time in a toddler.  While I could probably get him to nap or at least be in his crib for at least an hour and a half maybe...I need him to play on his own for perhaps at least one or two half hour segments out of the day.  Then I could maybe get his brother to play with him for another half hour.  So I'm trying to establish I guess a list of ways to occupy his time safely and happily. 

Well, while little guy is still sleeping I'd better get out that school schedule and see if I can't find some more ways to tweak it!


 

[organicmom3]

Oh, Momma Crystal,  I found her through our homeschool group. She just graduated a year ago. She was supposed to start as soon as we got back from vacation and work 4-5 days a week....basically live here but would only be working from about 8 till 5.  She was a nanny for a year in Florida for a year and came back home....but now she backed out....ugh....it was going to be a true miracle to have someone that could help the older kids as well as tend to the baby for a good part of the day and not only allow me to give the one on one time my older kids need but I was hoping for some general catchup time on all the things that haven't been touched since the baby was born.....so much for that idea!

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by organicmom3 

I can't see how anyone can do that much coursework in 2 hours...I know 8 seems like a lot...

I'm quite sure my kids aren't doing "that much coursework", but I wouldn't be surprised if they were learning as much. We just use alternate ways of learning, tailor courses to my kids' [especially hands-on] interests, and cut the fat (i.e. the busy-work) wherever possible. I have to wonder, if your dd is a slow reader and a slow worker with pen and paper, have you made an effort to avoid curricula that requires large amounts of reading i.e. textbook based, and that she write to process and demonstrate her learning? If she requires one-on-one attention in order to do a good portion of her work, have you considered using computer-based lessons/tutorials, and real-life or on-line tutoring? Have you considered doing a quick overview of her understanding orally rather than requiring written assignments be done? 

It just seems to me that there are two quite unusual aspects to your homeschooling that are contributing to your problem with your toddler: the length of your elder child's school day, and the fact that she is still requiring significant one-on-one teaching/guidance from you. I think that if you can change either or both of those factors you are more likely to be able to cope with your toddler. It seems to me more do-able than somehow getting a 16-month-old to amuse himself happily for an hour or two a day while you spend time focused on the older kids.

Miranda

[AAK]

Originally Posted by organicmom3 

I can't see how anyone can do that much coursework in 2 hours...I know 8 seems like a lot...but a half hour of that is our family devotion time and another hour of that is lunch.  The rest is English (literature, vocabulary, spelling and writing....she takes a lot of time to read as she reads well now but still slow), chemistry (she must keep up in order to attend the lab at a facility her friends are going to every other week), geometry (math is not her thing, she's good but takes her time), civics (the easy course for the year) and spanish....not sure how long that will take her.  In addition to that she has music lessons every week that is part of the school day and she needs to get most of her work done Monday thru Thurs since Friday's are our days for co-op and occasionally some volunteer work.  Co-op is just gym class so that can't count for the other academics. She needs these courses if she wants to go to college and she does want to go to college.  Believe me, I've chosen the best curriculum that I could find to suit her needs and still prep her for college course work and life in general.  I wish I could find something else to lighten her load more, but I have done the best that I can.

I understand her schedule.  But, it looks like she is independent much of the time.  She still needs instruction (esp. in math apparantly) but you aren't needing to be by her side for the 8 hours.  So, I think that what people are suggesting (and what I am suggesting) is to have the 12 yr old watch the baby while you do the "instructional" part.  I would expect co-op days and family devotion would include the toddler, as would lunch.  Although, perhaps the older could have lunch with the toddler.  You could work with the 12 yr old at that time and have him eat earlier/later.  

I don't think the swapping the toddler back and forth would solve all the time issues.  But, perhaps it would do enough if combined with other techniques (indoor pool filled with something interesting) to get things done.  

Is there another mom with a little one?  Perhaps you guys could trade off days (or afternoons) and help you both out. 

Amy

[AAK]

Originally Posted by organicmom3 

I guess I"m looking for creative ideas to help foster some self-play time in a toddler.  While I could probably get him to nap or at least be in his crib for at least an hour and a half maybe...I need him to play on his own for perhaps at least one or two half hour segments out of the day.  Then I could maybe get his brother to play with him for another half hour.  So I'm trying to establish I guess a list of ways to occupy his time safely and happily. 

Well, while little guy is still sleeping I'd better get out that school schedule and see if I can't find some more ways to tweak it!


 

My youngest loved playing in a laundry basket at that age.  She would sit with a toy/book/lovie and climb in/out/in/out.  Her big sisters taught her to "pretend" it was a boat.  We put on some music (laurie berkner or similar).  We always needed to be near--she didn't want me to go too far, but she didn't require me to entertain her. Also, high chair and yogurt/pudding to "paint" with -- ignore the mess until child is bored.  Then, put in tub and hose him down.  :)  We've been know to "school" in the bathroom.  I would supervise tub time and a child would read out loud to me.  

Amy

[organicmom3]

Miranda,

I understand all about alternate ways of learning and I know you mean well...but I'm looking for things to make the day smooth with my toddler to allow some one on one instruction time with my older child...only about an hour to an hour and a half a day.  She is actually very independent with most things, but needs help with writing, a new spelling program we are trying to help with that weakness and assistance in studying vocabulary.  She is very independent with the rest, just needs extra time to do it.  Not everyone reads fast and I really don't need guidance in helping me assist her....I just need some time in my day to do so.  So I really don't need advice on how to teach my daughter...just how to entertain my little one while doing so. Thank you for your time and input into this though.  I appreciate you caring enough to respond. Thank you.

Amy, thanks for your thoughts...I like that indoor pool idea....and especially the bathtub!!!!  Yes, I could really see that working.  As to another mom,  the closest mom I know lives a half hour away and she is struggling with enough things.  We sort of live out in the middle of nowhere unfortunately which adds to the difficulty.  I'm sure if we lived where we did before this wouldn't be a problem...I would have LOTS of help!  oh well....

I think I just need some activity ideas and there's a couple here I love....the bathtub....yes and maybe a big laundry basket, big boxes or a little baby pool of some sort....these are the sorts of things I was hoping for.  Of course I'll use nap time to the best of my ability and snack time in the high chair, etc.  And of course he can eat lunch before the others.  I've heard someone mention recently about using a different box of toys for each school day to keep things new and exciting...does anyone do that?? I'm wondering if that might help as well....

If anyone else has more thoughts to share on entertaining my little one, I'd love to hear!  Thanks to all!!

[grethel]

To be honest, it was hard to keep my LO occupied on her own at 16 months for longer than 5-10 minutes at a time. I work at home, and it seemed that no matter how many activities I set up for her she would only play on her own for a short time before needing me. Some children do play on their own happily, but I guess it just depends on personality.

The good thing is that now that she is 21 months, that has changed a little bit. She is a bit more mature in her play and can entertain herself for slightly longer periods of time. So the good news for you is that in a few short months you will be better able to keep her occupied.

It really helped me to at least be able to keep her in a babyproofed/gated area with me while I was working so that for the short periods of time she was busy on her own, I knew she was safe and could concentrate in short bursts. As for specific toys and activities, at 16 months she really enjoyed her water table, sandbox, other sensory tubs (I usually put them into a big plastic lid to cut down on mess, but of course it still got everywhere!) with lots of spoons and scoops. She also loved board puzzles, blocks, scarves, beanbags, etc. at that age. She could spend some time leafing through magazines (and sometimes ripping them up). She really liked "taking out and putting in," so I would often stuff all her scarves into an empty kleenex box and let her pull them all out. Or fill a bag with beanbags she could empty out.

When she got a couple of months older she started enjoying scribbling, a magnetic or felt board she could put things on, stickers, and flap books. She still loves sensory activities, "tidying," and busywork.

[organicmom3]

God provides!  We found a nanny....6 hours a day, 4 days a week  :)

[Leav97]

wonderful

[Lisa1970]

I think what you are going through is scarey, but will work out. You just need to dive in and see. Plus, fur us, not trying to stick to a 180 day calendar helps. I mean...3 hrs a day for 180 days...or 1 hr a day for 300 days...same thing. Plus, you would be shocked at how little would have been covered at the school if you sent them. Those kids spend a lot of time changing classes, working on their own, socializing with each other, etc.