HELP IS NEEDED RIGHT NOW!!!!

[Cookie 1]

MY COUSIN'S SON IS 4 YEARS OLD, HE IS MEAN, ANGRY, AGGRESSIVE, SWEARS, VIOLENT, DESTRUCTIVE AND BEYOND OUT OF CONTROL, SHE HAS BEEN SEEKING HELP FROM HER PEDITRICIAN, THERAPISTS AND BEHAVIORAL CENTERS, SHE KEEPS GETTING PUT ON HOLD AND DELAYED AND JERKED AROUND. SHE IS DESPERATE AND HER SON HAS ALREADY BEEN SEEN AND SHE HAS BEEN TOLD THAT THERE ARE SERIOUS PROBLEMS AND HE NEEDS MEDICATION, YET THEY KEEP DELAYING ALL OF THE PROCESSES, EVEN ONE DAY IS TOO LONG TO WAIT, HE DESTROYED THE ENTIRE HOUSE LAST NIGHT, INCLUDING BUSTING THE TELEVISION. SHE FEARS FOR HERSELF AND MORE IMPORTANTLY HIM. I USED TO TAKE CARE OF HIM ON A REGULAR BASIS, AND NOW I CANNOT EVEN HANDLE HIM. I CAUGHT HIM ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION TRYING TO HURT MY ANIMALS. NO ONE WILL HELP HER!!! WHAT CAN SHE DO TODAY, RIGHT NOW? THIS MINUTE!!!!

[Subhuti]

I feel for you, your cousin, and her son.  (((hug)))

Frankly, it really doesn't seem like something that can be addressed "right now," this "minute."  I am sorry that she is getting a lot of delays from care providers, but that seems like the first place to find some answers.  Later, once she hears what they have to say, I would do research on the medicines and diagnoses and treatments they are proposing.  I would also eventually research alternative approaches -- and MDC is a great place for that.  You might want to suggest that she visit the parenting section here.

I guess, patience is the only thing that will help your cousin as she waits for answers for her son.

[chiefmir]

the only thing she can do right away (and I've known several parents who have had to do this) is to take her son to an emergency room.  maybe ask the pediatrician which hospitals have good (or at least decent) psychiatric staff or find an inpatient mental health facility that has an emergency intake or crisis center.  have her make sure to use the language that she "fears for his safety" or the "safety of others" and have her prepared to give specifics of the ways that he is dangerous to himself (i.e. saying he is going to hurt or kill himself trying to climb out of windows, going after medications/knives, being violent with animals that could hurt him hurting himself accidentially or on purpose etc) and/or to others (saying he is going to hurt or kill others, attacking or throwing dangerous things, going after other children, etc.)

[Cookie 1]

Subhuti, thankyou so much for your time and advice, unfortunately my cousin has no more time or patience, this is so serious that she is at her wits end. She continues to wait and follow doctors' advice to no avail. Hopefully someone will help her soon. Thanks again.

[Cookie 1]

chiefmir, thankyou so much for your time and advice. My cousin will be contacting local hospitals today to find out who has the best pysch. facilities available in an emergency situation. Thanks again

[tireesix]

Just been through a crisis with myself recently and I KNOW how just waiting 1 hour for help can feel like a lifetime, nevermind having to wait days, weeks and months.

No, they may not be able to make a diagnosis right now, they may not be willing or able to give him meds right now, whatever it is he needs, but this little boy has a mother who is at the end of her tether and she is in DESPERATE NEED of help herself. While Docs etc are working out how to treat the kids, somebody out there (obviously this is too much for famil/friends to cope with, it has to be help from experienced qualified people) who can give the mum a break, some breathing space. If it gets left too long, the mother will literally break down and that is of no use to the child, the mother or anyone else.

There has got to be soemone,  some sort of experienced nanny, or a nany who has retired from a paediatric psych unit at some point.

I really feel for this lady, the boy, I can imagine his problems/frustrations etc, I cam also imagine the mothers pain, fear and anguish because  have seen it in my husbands eyes as I self destruct and destroy everything in my path.

Fingers crossed!!!!!!!

[loveangel]

Originally Posted by chiefmir 

the only thing she can do right away (and I've known several parents who have had to do this) is to take her son to an emergency room.  maybe ask the pediatrician which hospitals have good (or at least decent) psychiatric staff or find an inpatient mental health facility that has an emergency intake or crisis center.  have her make sure to use the language that she "fears for his safety" or the "safety of others" and have her prepared to give specifics of the ways that he is dangerous to himself (i.e. saying he is going to hurt or kill himself trying to climb out of windows, going after medications/knives, being violent with animals that could hurt him hurting himself accidentially or on purpose etc) and/or to others (saying he is going to hurt or kill others, attacking or throwing dangerous things, going after other children, etc.)

agree

[KatWrangler]

I agree.  Take him to the ER.  A children's hospital if you have one.  Sounds like he could be a danger to himself.

[Cookie 1]

thankyou to all of you for your advice. She has taken him to the ER to no avail. We have a kIngs Daughter's Hospital in the area, who also offered her no real help. She finally got her son on medication the other day and it does not seem to be helping at all, if anything it is getting worse, he does not sleep , which also causes her loss of sleep. As far as hiring a professional nanny or caretaker, she cannot afford it and her insurance does not cover it. That is the main reason I was her sole daycare provider for so long. I used to be able to tolerate his tantrums and nasty attitude, but when he became physical and out of control with my girls and my pets, I had to stop. It frustrates me because I love them both so much and want to be there for her. I used to take him , just so she could nap when she was off of work, but I cant even do that now. I have tried again to have him over and within the hour I have to send him home. I don't know what will become of this, I pray, I am there for her, and I continue to research options for her that she does not have the time to research herself. Thanks again to everyone.

[Subhuti]

Sorry it hasn't had a resolution yet, but getting the right medication takes time.  First of all it takes time for the medication to kick in.  Then, the dosage has to be fiddled with.  After that, the medication might have to be switched or a new one addd in.  Honestly, with problems as serious as you describe, it would not be unrealistic to say it would take six months to get the right medication, if it is something that medication can help.

Also, medication alone probably won't be enough.  Some form of therapy will probably be needed.  I am not clear what is the matter (it sounds like no one is) but if it is some form of behavior disorder or emotional illness, surely he will have to do therapy.  That takes time.

At this point -- perhaps all you can do is pray.  

[joyluc]

There are resources for parents at the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. They have chapters all over the country so there may be one close to you and your cousin. They can give you information about services available in your area and they can support your cousin as she tries to get help for her son. Good luck she is lucky to have you to help.