Question for anone that knows

[My boys mommy]

I am a mamam to a 3 year old little boy. His father has had little to do with him. Except on his time and stopped all togethere once his new gf had his baby girl. J didn't start seeing his dad till a year ago on and off as I said when he wanted too. Now j knows who is "dad" is. We went thru the legal rights for the divorce and such with the 50/50 for j sake. I was tring to keep his father in his life. However since that time his dad seen him once for about 3 hours and I had to give him gas money to see him. He just asked me if I would agree with him signing his rights away and to be honest not to sure on how I feel about it. I did tell him once done he couldn't take it back. However I kinda feel that if he don't want to help me raise our son then he should help support him. I am not to sure whats the right thing to do. To be honest now that j knows of his father and kinda understands who he is. I don't want j to loose that.. When his dad walked out on us it took me 3 months to get j to go to slep cause he was a daddy's boy and was use to his dad sleeping with him when he went to bed.. I don't know what is the best course. I spoke to a lawyer, but don't really have the money to cover it. I was told something of contempt of court.

[rubelin]

in general, the courts will not allow a parent to give up their parental rights unless a new parent is wanting to adopt the child. Besides the fact that your son deserves to have a relationship with his dad (which it sounds like you've been trying to keep going), his father is also financially responsible for his son and he can't just sign that away.

[smeep]

Here's my thoughts on it for me.

My children deserve to be supported financially, period. Even if he doesn't pay it, they deserve to at least have the possibility that they may get it eventually (even if it's 20 years down the road before he gets a job and his wages garnished). 

I have two exceptions to that. 1) If I have reason to believe that he will harm myself or my child in retaliation for getting child support, or 2) I have a partner who is a REAL father to my child and wants to adopt my child.

Do what you feel is best, but IMO relinquishing their rights, especially when there's no father wanting to adopt the child, is just a way to skip out on it. If they're not involved (which I suspect he wouldn't be if you don't keep onto him about doing so), there's no reason to let them get out of supporting the child that THEY chose to make, intentionally or not.

I also personally feel that a child should have their father completely in their lives or completely out, not in and out to hurt them, ya know? I'm thankful that my son's sperm donor has never met him and doesn't care. He is incapable of loving my son unconditionally and being a real father to him so I'd rather he not be there at all than whenever he wants to be and just end up hurting my son.

[lac_2233]

I also believe that the courts will not just allow him to sign over his rights all together.  My ex lives less than 3 miles from me and my 4.5 year old daughter and only sees her once a month.  When I spoke with a therapist she reminded that I couldn't change my ex while I was still with him so I need to stop trying now.  Having said that I also need to allow my ex and my daughter to see each other whenever he is willing to show up.  She explained it this way - Someday all kids grow up and say 'what if...'  I had the choice to let him be in her life and hold her when he doesn't show up so that when she says  'what if...' it's 'what if daddy actually cared', and not 'what if mommy actually let me go.'  All kids blame their parents for screwing them up, but eventually she will realize that I was willing to let her go and was willing to let him be in her life.  It was his choice not to be there.  This is really hard.  It's really painful to watch her cry when she knows that it is a Daddy weekend and he didn't show up.  But I know that in the long run she will understand that this was his choice and she will either confront him or not, but then it is her choice.  In the mean time - I parent enough for both of us.  My baby is loved, happy, healthy and all things considered well adjusted!