Originally Posted by Partaria
I want to attachment parent. I want to be good at this. There are moments that I love my child. But I am having a hard time and I'm at my wit's end.
Oh honey, first, BIG hugs to you.
You mention that your DS is only 8 weeks old... That's still so young! And you're still in a time that is really, really hard, even for mamas without PPD. I think it took until probably 12 weeks for me to really feel like I was starting to kind of get the hang of being a mama. At 8 weeks into their first child, no one is good at it! You sound like you're concerned for your baby -- you're breastfeeding, you care about the kind of mother you are, you want to do best by your child. At this point in the game, it's okay to be still tremendously frustrated. Don't beat yourself up for not feeling all sunshine and roses about having a newborn. They are HARD work. Tiring, frustrating, draining. Those are realities for most every newborn. But things do get better, day by day, I swear.
Basically, my advice would be to not send your DS with your parents. I think you might really, really regret that. And there isn't any guarantee that it would help. It might, honestly, make your depression worse. And I probably would not go stay with them if they're not supportive of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is actually a really chemically important function to your body postpartum. As a PP said, your body releases chemicals when you breastfeed that are good for YOU too.
Is it possible for maybe just your mom to come visit, with the understanding that breastfeeding is NOT up for discussion? I think that the Zoloft takes a few weeks to build up enough in your system to see a real improvement. But maybe that short "break" of having her there, on your turf, would buy you another week until your system starts to see the real benefits of the Zoloft.
Big hugs, and I wish I had better ideas for you. I'd say to remember, too, that you can put the baby down and walk away for a few minutes. Put him in a crib or somewhere safe and step outside, or step into the shower for a few minutes. I know it isn't ideal, but it won't hurt him, and if it lets you keep your sanity then it's a good idea. Step away, take some good deep breaths, allow yourself to cry and be sad, don't beat yourself up for not being "good" or "perfect," and then go back to him and nurse him for a bit.
Despite the picture that a lot of moms paint, those first 12 weeks are HARD. You're doing okay mama, and I hope the Zoloft helps!!