I'm having my 4th child and my 2nd homebirth. I was so desperate to get pg one more time and have one more baby. I didn't want the childbearing part of my life to end with miscarriages. So, now I'm at 38+w with the birth of this baby coming soon and I'm not excited at all. I'm actually feeling kind of sad.
I was so excited about having a completely natural homebirth with my 3rd. Everything went perfectly. It was more painful than I expected but I got through it and there weren't any problems or scares or anything, just normal labor and birth. I am a little scared of the pain this time. I've done the best that I can to prepare but still feel like I don't quite know what I'm doing.
My dh is deployed again. He was deployed for the birth of our last child, my first homebirth. It makes me sad that he will never experience a homebirth with me since this will be our last child. I'm also sad and stressed about being the only parent to our 2 young children and soon a newborn for so long. I'm afraid I won't be able to do it. I feel like I'm barely getting by now.
I really want to feel good and excited and happy about this event but I don't. I just want to get it over with.