homebirth with a worried teenager in the home

[purplerose]

Actually, there will be 2 teenagers(16 and 14) and an almost-9 year old. My 14 year old will remain homeschooled this year but the other two will be going to school. If I go into labor during school hours, my 14 year old is worrying about what will happen, as it will just be us two at home alone. She doesn't remember my homebirth with her little sister...the 10 hours of labor that was quiet, she remembers when I got loud during transition though. My husband works 30 minutes from home. She is very concerned about what will happen during those 30 minutes. I have made a list of things to do when I go into labor (do the dishes, take out the trash, clean out the van,...busy work but also very useful work.) Despite her worries she does not want to go anywhere else...she wants to be here, but just not deal with me LOL Does anyone have any ideas or advice I could tell her? I have tons of birth books but she avoids them.

[MarineWife]

When I had my 3rd at home, my oldest was 16yo. As soon as he heard I was in labor he was gone. He had made arrangements with a friend to stay at his house. He didn't want any part of it. He was at the birth of my 2nd at the hospital when he was 12. Although he seemed really into at the time, he has always said since that it was very disturbing and he doesn't ever want to see that again.

I don't know that I really have any good advice. The only thing that's coming to me is maybe have a neighbor or friend available to call on if something emerges that you need help with. That way she won't feel like she has to do anything for you.

[dogmom327]

Does the 14 yo understand that 'going into labor' is usually a fairly slow process?  It's not like you're going to have one contraction and out flies baby with only her to catch (or rather that's extremely unlikely).  More like, oh I think I might have a baby today, let's clean up the house and walk around the neighborhood for hours, etc.  LOL.  Maybe she could read some labor/birth stories about the hours and hours this is likely to take leaving plenty of time for dad to make his way home, a MW to come (if you're using one), etc.  Depending on your hubby's job, maybe you can reassure her that you will call him home very early in the process and that there is virtually no chance of anything dramatic happening with just her there.

[purplerose]

I tried to explain how my last labor(which was at home and she was there) was 12 hours long, mostly well-handled quiet contractions, but she doesn't remember any of that part, and only remembers transition at the end where I yelled LOL. I even have pictures of her and her older sister in the bedroom sitting on the bed with me while I was having contractions. I think I will have her read some stories from my Birth Book by Sears. While I really wouldn't mind a shorter labor I don't think it'll be short enough for her to have to deal with any of it! And dh will be able to leave right when I call and honestly if he needed to he could be home before the 30 minutes it usually takes him and our daughter knows that. Actually a better idea I think is to sit with her and tell her the labor stories for all of my kids...then she'll hopefully have the feeling that this one will be the same way.

[MarineWife]

Sounds to me like she wants to be with you and make sure you are ok but she's too young for any of the responsibility. I can see why she'd be worried even with reminders of how long the early stage of labor usually is. Emergencies can happen and she's not old enough to have to possibly handle that. Really, what I would do is try to reassure her that she will not be responsible for taking care of you but she is welcome to participate and help in whatever way she chooses if/when she chooses. That's why I suggested having someone on call who could get there in a minute if needed, a next door neighbor or a friend with no kids who is only a 5 minute drive away. Then she wouldn't even have to worry about what might happen in the time it takes to call your dh and for him to get home.