Prefer Mothering over other forums? - Page 2

[cameragirl]

Originally Posted by Brisen 

I decided to go check out a message board with ddcs I was a member of when I was pg in the past, since I'm bored and trying to avoid cleaning up the kitchen.  I have to say, as much as I miss being able to click on blog links in people's sigs here, I'm glad they're so low-key.  The sigs on this other board are super fancy, with collaged pics of kids with their full names and birth dates sometimes.  I like the fancy pg tickers, but there is one which uses a real picture of a fetus (deceased) to show what the baby looks like now... that's hard for me.  I find the pictures beautiful on their own and I wouldn't mind coming across them if I were looking for them, but to scroll past them again and again while reading on a message board... a little much for me.

(Just to clarify -- I think this is totally different from having photos of your own stillborn baby, for instance, in your sig or as your avatar.)

It doesn't help that someone there just posted that they're having twins, and there are already a couple of others twin pregnancies in that ddc.  I lost twins in an early miscarriage a few years ago, and I've been thinking about them a lot this time.  That really has little to do with the board itself, it just didn't help my impression of it.

I don't think I'd want to see that, either. I appreciate how meaningful those pictures can be, though. I used to volunteer for a local hospital's L&D bereavement team, and they take pictures to store for when the parents are ready. In ticker form, though...I don't know.

[bcblondie]

yeah, I understand. You sort of need to prepare yourself before seeing a stillborn baby. :(

[RosieL]

I have friends who really dislike Mothering. Their experience has been outside the board, on Facebook groups based from MDC, where they were derided for hospital births. One of these friends is a cloth-diapering, twin BFing, crunchy momma who's passionate about kids getting vaccinated against death-risk diseases. When she got told that she was risking her babies lives and being irresponsible for vaccinating, she turned off completely. She and I just don't talk about the fact that I'm here.

I haven't experience anything of the like on these boards, and find it really confortable and useful. I really like it here, and I can usually find people asking the same questions I'd ask, with the same desires for evidence and such. And this place seems to be filled with academics (profs or students) of which I am one...which makes me even more comfy. I am so happy I've found this place, but I am slightly wary of groupthink/groupjudge sometimes. 

[8inTulgeyWood]

I love mothering and feel that I find many more women who share my beliefs than on other boards.  But there is a wide range of beliefs even on Mothering, and I have seen some of the bad effects of the group think/judge too.

I am planning my third home birth, and think that homebirth is a wonderful choice for SOME women.  Yet I have seen threads where it was obvious that it would be in the best interest of mom/baby to transfer to the hospital, but no support was offered from all the many commentators to transfer.  Instead they each trashed the doctors and hospitals and cheered this mother on  and praised her for declining medical interventions at the pleading of her doctor.  This wasn't their baby and they aren't the ones who risked the loss.  Not one stood up to say that there are times when homebirth isn't a good choice, or maybe you should listen to the docs at this point, and let her know that she isn't less of a woman if she gives birth at the hospital and that THE most important thing is to get the baby here safely.

She got so much support to stay home against strong advice not to and her baby died during labor.  It broke my heart.  And it made me angry.  I am an advocate of homebirth as a choice, but do not try to convince other women that it is best for them.  That is a decision that each individual has to make on their own after informing and educating themselves and careful consideration of all the factors.

The same can be said of vaccinating, parenting and discipline choices, feeding choices etc.  I hate when someone thinks they have figured out the best way and force it on others and condemn them for doing otherwise.  It may be the best choice for them.  That does not make it the best choice for others.

[cameragirl]

You'll see the same negativity from a certain subset of members on any forum, though. It is unfortunate, but people tend to say things online that the would never say in person. MDC isn't immune from that.

[Mommie22]

I feel like the mothering forums tend to have more honest helpful advice than the other boards. The mommies and mommies to be are more educated and less fear based. This is why I'm here. I know there are exceptions to this, but generally I feel more informed and relaxed here.

[RachaelsMommy]

I prefer Mothering over other groups, mostly b/c it's more laid back and not fear based. I'm in a DDC on a cloth diapering forum, and if I hear one more person say, "Go to the hospital" I'm going to freak! Other than ectopic symptoms, or hemorrhaging, I don't see any reason to rush to the hospital for anything at this point in pregnancy. One woman was asking about very light spotting after sex, and only one person said it was completely normal. The other responses ranged from telling her to not have sex anymore to get to the ER asap.

[cameragirl]

You're right - the hospitals can't do much at this point in pregnancy. They can provide beta tests and ultrasounds for peace of mind, but that's about it. I only went with my miscarriage because I woke up soaked in blood and it scared the crud out of me, and then I developed a fever. I say when in doubt, call the OB or midwife, and don't freak out. Keep calm and carry on, ya know?

[RosieL]

Originally Posted by cameragirl 

You'll see the same negativity from a certain subset of members on any forum, though. It is unfortunate, but people tend to say things online that the would never say in person. MDC isn't immune from that.
 

Wise words.

[Brisen]

Small update -- I figured out how to block the site that used the pics I found difficult to see.  I was also landing in pregnancy forums when doing google searches for stuff and coming across these tickers.  Not the biggest deal in the world, but I'm glad I don't have to worry about it now.

[3timesamom]

I think I know the site your talking about. I have a ticker there but not with stillborn baby photos:( So sad:(

[paleohailey]

I am so glad I found this site tonight. I love the idea of a pregnancy forum, but the one I joined (guessing it's the same one as most of you) is driving me insane. You all seem much more mature! And there are paleo/primal and TF ladies here, which is amazing. My old forum was packed with women who'd label you a baby-killer for suggesting that the occasional tylenol is safe, yet those same women would post daily essays on the joys of eating 50 McNuggets washed down with gallons of Mountain Dew... argh!!!!!

You all seem way more like my type. I hope you'll have me 

[mollsworth]

So glad you are here, Hailey. Welcome!! :-D
 

Originally Posted by paleohailey 

You all seem way more like my type. I hope you'll have me