Desperate for sleep. 19 month old

[lisastrickland]

I have a 19 month old that has never wanted to sleep. He would sleep 3-4 hours at a time untill he was 14 months. Then he started sleeping a little longer.

Now, he falls asleep somewhere between 9 and 10 and he sleeps till 7:30 in the morning once or twice a week. All the other nights, he is up. When he wakes up, he is UP for at least 2 hours. (Last night he was up from 12-3:30). We get his brother to bed at 8:30, then daddy takes him downstairs untill he falls asleep on the couch. THen he is moved into his room.

I have tried EVERYTHING. I have tried letting him sleep as long as he wants the next morning, and letting him nap when hes tired, but he was still up the next night. I have tried getting him up at 7:30, putting him down for his nap at 11:30 (usually naps 3-4 hours) but he is still up. I cant figure this kid out!!

At his nap, I can get him milk and tell him night night, lay him down and leave the room. He drinks his milk and falls asleep with out a peep.

He slept for almost a month all night, then he started teething and this started again. Before his teething, he would do this every other night. He has since gotten 3 molars, 2 eye teeth and a bottom tooth. He gets teething tablets before bed. He only has one more tooth coming in so I dont think its teeth, I think its more habit then anything.

When he wakes up, we give him a minute to see what he is doing. Last night, he was almost back asleep before he got mad. If he is screaming or crying, we get him. If he is just playing, we leave him. Once he gets up, daddy takes him downstairs and they stay downstairs untill he falls asleep on the couch then he goes back to his bed.

He co-slept untill 9ish months, but then was up all night playing with me so we moved him to his own bed.

I am just so fed up with being up for hours at night. I NEED sleep. I am 36 weeks pregnant, and I know soon I wont be getting any sleep. My hubby is so tired in the morning too from being up and we are just too cranky in the morning. Mornings are train wrecks here.

I dont have the heart to let him CIO, but i am beginnning to think that is my last option. Someone please give me other options!! (I know if we ever did CIO, he would be the kid that would scream for HOURS... he is VERY strong willed)

[D_McG]

well I would stop getting him up (or is he sharing a room with someone?) and leave him in his crib and sit in his room and just repeat "nighttime is for sleeping".  That's what we always did with ours if they woke in the night (except they were sleeping with us).  But we always acted like we were physically incapable of leaving the bed at night.  

I think his nap sounds too long?  4 hours is v. long.

That's all I have to offer I'm afraid!

[LadyCatherine185]

I agree with the PP. don't let him get out of bed. and I would not let him nap longer than about 2 hours. He is probably napping so long because he is missing that sleep at night.. and then at night he can't sleep because he napped too long. Vicious cycle. And any sleep habit/patter changes can take about 2 weeks to change.. as in-- if you skip his nap or cut it short one day, it probably won't make much difference, but after a week or two his body will adjust.

[lisastrickland]

We cut his nap to 3 hours today. It seemed earlier that if he got his full 4 hour nap, and went down at 10:30 ish he would sleep all night, but he wont anymore. I know its a habit and he is getting up because daddy takes him downstairs, but if we dont get him out of bed he will start to scream, even with us there. He is VERY strong willed.

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by lisastrickland 

We cut his nap to 3 hours today. It seemed earlier that if he got his full 4 hour nap, and went down at 10:30 ish he would sleep all night, but he wont anymore. I know its a habit and he is getting up because daddy takes him downstairs, but if we dont get him out of bed he will start to scream, even with us there. He is VERY strong willed.

you'll likely just have to battle through that.  You might be surprised how short it is.  Just explain before bed that there will be no getting up and then remain calm.  When I do those kinds of things with my kids I have to keep reminding myself that I know better and it'll pass quickly.  He's too young to know that going to sit in the LR in the middle of the night is a bad habit.  But you're not.  (that's what I tell myself).  I would give it a good few days before giving up.  If he screams, well he's allowed to be pissed off.  But you're allowed to make rules that make sense!

I agree to keep the nap @ 2 hours and that should help him get to a decent bedtime, too.  

At that age my nappers had 12 hours @ night (7-7, ish) and then a 45-120 minute nap.  

[mommy68]

Is there something waking him at night? Do you think he needs some white noise in his room? I have a sound machine in my child's room and a fan going in the summer months to drown out any noises that may go bump in the night. He may also need a nightlight or maybe complete darkness would be best? I hope it gets easier on you soon.

[lisastrickland]

He has never slept 12 hours at night. He usually sleeps 9-10 when hes not up all night. Thats why I think he takes a longer nap. We cut his nap yesterday, but then he fell asleep in the car for 30 mins on the way to a party last night. We were home late and he fell asleep right when we got home. He woke up when we got him out of the car, but we gave him his milk and laid him down in his bed and he slept all night. He went to sleep at 10:30 and got up at 8.

He sleeps with a radio on. Always has. We have tried night light and no night light. Right now he has a night light in his room.

Thanks for all the suggestions ladies. We are going to make him stay in his bed (or at least his room) if he wakes in the night. We plan on rubbing his back or rocking him if needed, then giving him more milk and leaving the room. As long as he does not throw a fit... I cant listen to him scream!!

[D_McG]

I remember that age as being difficult b/c you kind of think of them as babies but they are getting to an age where fits/tantrums become a part of life.  Of course everyone deals with it differently and that's fine.  If I seem cavalier about listening to him scream it's just b/c I have gone through it with my 2 big kids.  I remember with my first thinking it was horrible/mean but as time goes on I had to see it differently.  Of course you may never see it differently and that's fine too.  Just explaining the transition we (and many other parents) went through!

As infants it's always appropriate (imo) to stop them from crying.  It's just not possible as they get older and they start to have WANTS over NEEDS.  

[lisastrickland]

Originally Posted by D_McG 

I remember that age as being difficult b/c you kind of think of them as babies but they are getting to an age where fits/tantrums become a part of life.  Of course everyone deals with it differently and that's fine.  If I seem cavalier about listening to him scream it's just b/c I have gone through it with my 2 big kids.  I remember with my first thinking it was horrible/mean but as time goes on I had to see it differently.  Of course you may never see it differently and that's fine too.  Just explaining the transition we (and many other parents) went through!

As infants it's always appropriate (imo) to stop them from crying.  It's just not possible as they get older and they start to have WANTS over NEEDS.  

 Yes. He is at that hard age where I know he understands what I am sayig. He WANTS to get up... but he NEEDS to sleep. He is throwing tempers in the day too when he wants something. His temper is MUCH worse than his brothers so this is all new to me! Dontcha love parenting... always learning!!

[hildare]

it sounds to me like the reward in the scenario is time with daddy on the couch, which you realize. 

can you work in some more daddy time?  maybe have daddy put him to bed and spend some time there. 

when he wakes, have daddy go there and comfort him.  can you put a mattress beside your kid's or otherwise make it so that your dh can lay there with your kid when he wakes and comfort him to sleep there?

(i don't know if it is just me, but if my kid gets to the screaming point it's just all over with.  there's not a letting her yell and calm down option.. not that i would agree with that anyway)

there's a No cry sleep solution for toddlers too... i haven't used that one but a friend did and thought it helpful.  i think keeping a log and tweaking the naps the way you're doing will help.  it won't be instant whatever you do, but i think you might be on the right track with shortening naps.  what time do you put him to bed?  our dd at 20 mos will sleep from 8:30 ish, usually earlier, i begin reading in bed at around 7:30 to 8 depending on her mood.. then she will wake from her bed around 10:30 to come to our bed (which we're working to eliminate) and sleep till around 8.  she will nap for around 2 hours with a normal schedule.

i've also found on our party nights that she, like your kid, is the last toddler standing, and it doesn't have positive effects at all if she stays up late.. she won't go to her normal schedule happily nor will she take extra sleep to make up for it.  and it usually takes another day to get back to normal. 

[blackannis]

I'll reiterate what PPs are saying about not letting him get up, and especially don't take him down where there's light and interesting things going on. I know it's a pain, but your husband really needs to just keep him in the dark and not put him in a situation that will make him more awake. A mattress on the floor is a great idea. And yes, your husband will have to be willing to give up some time--it can take a bit to persuade a toddler that he's going to go back to sleep and doesn't get to come out and watch TV.

I would also be cautious about not letting him nap as long as he wants. Some kids really do need those long naps--my son is one of the. He tends to sleep from about 9 pm until about 6 am, and then takes a 2 1/2-3 1/2 hour nap--this morning he was asleep by 11 am and not ready to wake up until about 2:30 pm. My suggestion would be to work on the night sleeping and trust the nap to take care of itself.

[lisastrickland]

Thank you so much for all the suggestions. He seems to have figured it out on his own. A day after I posted about cutting his nap to 3 hours, he cut it to 2 on his own. We cut out a lot of milk since he was not eating well, and he eats somewhat better now. He gets milk at nap time and bedtime now, and that's it unless he's really cranky. We also changed his night diaper, so he's not waking up soaking. It seems to have done the trick. He's slept thru the night for 9 nights now, even this weekend when we were out at his normal nap time. I appreciate all the thoughts!