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Can anyone relate... have 2, undecided about the 3rd and time is passing away...

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

We always wanted 3 or 4 kids, but had to use infertility treatments to get the 2 we have. After the 2nd, I figured if it happened great, but if not, it wasn't meant to be. When my son was 2-3 years old, our whole life changed, we ended up moving, starting our own business, etc. 

 

Now our business is established, my kids are 6 & 9 years old and I feel really torn about having another baby. Part of me does, as I've always wanted more. Dh would like another as well. The other part of me is really happy with our life right now. Our children are both in school FT and we're able to move on and do the big kid things (skiing, skating, etc) and I'm really enjoying the freedom. 

 

 

ARGH. I wish there was a great answer. I'm 37 & not getting younger. 

 

Is anyone else struggling with this issue?

post #2 of 3

Well, #3 was decided for us when I got an oops pregnancy and my 2nd and 3rd kiddos will be rather close in age (22 months) so my situation is a bit different.  I've been reading and posting about three kids since finding out about the pregnancy and there are quite a few members out there wondering the same thing you are.  I might try posting in Family Planning instead of this forum to see if you get some more results.   Good luck with your decision!

 

Here's a thread that might interest you: http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1309852/going-from-2-to-3-big-change-or-no-big-deal

post #3 of 3

My situation is different, but I can relate. I also have always wanted 3-4. Then after DS we've been hit by some totally unexpected IF stuff and even if I get pg asap, they will be close to 5 years apart. I've been agonizing over what is right for everyone in the family considering that the spacing is going to be SO different from what we imagined. Will it be hard for DS if after five years suddenly he finds himself with, say, two siblings close in age (if we are so fortunate)? At the time he's starting to get into that big-kid fun stuff, we probably won't be able to do much of it, etc. Will I be too exhausted to be able to continue all the great stuff we're doing together, me and DS? I had to make peace with the idea that my family is not going to look exactly as I imagined, and now it doesn't bother me as much. In the end DH and I decided we're going to try for two more close together (I'm in my early 30s) and after that we'll see. For me, the idea of regretting a child I didn't have is beyond terrifying. I love being pregnant, I love kids, I love being a mom, I want more - and I am able at this point in my life to deal with going back to the urgent needs of small babies, I feel. Funny because after DS I thought, wow, I'd better do this again quick because I'm not sure I'll be able to happily resume it once I'm out of it - but actually I don't feel that way. (Well, ask me when I have been awake for 22 hours with a colic-y baby...)

 

Would it help you to set a "deadline" for the decision? Or to try out the two decisions, one at a time - take a week and see how it feels to accept "yes, one more" and then the next week, do a test run with "no, we're done"? (My crazy ways of getting to a decision I feel at peace with when I'm stuck...)

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