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For fun...you know you're the parent of a toddler if... - Page 8

post #141 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorpusMom View Post

Your boss offers to let you leave early because you look tired and like you need some rest and you decline because being at home with your toddler is more exhausting than being at work.



 I have SOOOOOO been there....  even if it's just an extra 1/2 hour at work to finish a quiet cup of coffee before going to the playground/pool/fingerpaint/etc.

post #142 of 171

I'm a newbie here but this was hilarious and I needed a good laugh.

 

1) if your alarm clock has been replaced by a not so gentle finger poke between the eyes with the not so soothing sound of MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY..Are you up?

2) you have foresaken your water bill to let said toddler play in the sink or shower for 15 minutes of "me" time...

3)if the word no has lost all meaning in your house.

4)you just go ahead and order off the kids menu because they won't eat unless its out of your plate.

5)you have forgotten what peace and quiet sounds like...

post #143 of 171

you know how to correctly pronouce zaboomafoo and have a preference for one of the brothers!! haha

post #144 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomleopard View Post

you know how to correctly pronouce zaboomafoo and have a preference for one of the brothers!! haha



I just had to google that LOL

post #145 of 171

... Elmo's piercing voice haunts your dreams.

 

... poop in the potty is a special occasion that warrants calling everyone you know to celebrate.

 

... childless people complain about how little sleep they got last night, and you laugh in their face.

 

... you call your mother "Grandma" more often than you call her "Mom"

 

... you awake at night to your spouse's plaintive cry, "where am I supposed to sleep?" and you blink at him over the heads of your sleeping offspring and whisper, "I don't care, just don't wake them up!!!" 

 

... you spend most of each phone conversation saying to the person on the other end, "Oh, no, she's fine, I don't have to hang up.  Really.  That's a happy shriek." 

 

... you can't remember the last time you had an entire conversation on the phone without your toddler a) unplugging the phone cable, b) tugging the phone away from you to "talk", c) having a temper tantrum, or d) destroying something to get your attention

 

... you know exactly what your child is doing in the next room by the sound of whatever is breaking... and you decide not to intervene because whatever she's breaking is one more thing you can declutter

 

... you summon up huge enthusiasm for any games involving looking out the window (watching cars drive past the house, counting birds on the front yard, looking for clouds) because it means you can sit still on the couch for a few minutes

 

... you plan to leave the house for a morning shopping trip and you finally get out the door at 4 pm

 

... "we don't" is one of your most frequently used phrases

 

... you actively boycott restaurant chains that do not have changing tables in their restrooms. 

 

... you send angry letters to managers of restaurants that have changing tables only in the women's restroom (ooooh, just thinking about that one makes me see red)

 

... you have embarrassed the living daylights out of your DH by sending him into the women's room to change a diaper just to prove your point

 

... you go on a 'date night' with your spouse and spend the entire time talking about funny things your toddler did that day

 

... you have resigned yourself to the fact that most of your kitchen utensils, hairbrushes, clothes, books, trinkets, furniture, and tools are now toys.

 

... your spare set of sheets has used as a 'tent' so often that your child throws a fit when you make the bed with them ("NO tent on bed, Mama!!")

 

... you have to argue with your screaming toddler every morning as you get dressed, "No, honey, these aren't your underwear.  They're Mama's.  No, really, I'm not wearing your underwear.  No, I'm not taking them off so you can wear them.  Go get your own underwear." 

 

... you sneak out of bed before your child is awake and get dressed in the bathroom in order to avoid this conversation. 

post #146 of 171

-you end the majority of your phone conversations by interrupting whatever story they are telling you to hang up on them while quickly saying "gotta go, so sorry, bye".

 

-you find yourself all dressed up for mama's night out with your girls, checking on plans, standing alone on your front porch because your husband is currently putting toddler to bed and if you make your presence known you won't be going ANYWHERE.

 

-you all get dressed up for said mama's night because it's so exciting to get out of the house together without toddler, in fact, frequently you get more dressed up for mama's night than date night with DH.

 

- her bath time is your MDC time.

post #147 of 171

These are all so great!

 

-Your day is circular conversation after circular conversation "no cook the eggs" "I have to cook the eggs, they'll make you sick raw" "no cook the eggs"..... about every aspect of the day.

-When you finally get to run errands or nap or take a bath... all alone you either feel guilty that you need to return as soon as possible or you feel bad you are wasting your "alone" time doing something so mundane.

-When you ask your toddler why he pinches/hits you all the time he looks lovingly into your eyes & says "I love you & just HAVE to" & you accept that as an acceptable answer.

post #148 of 171

- you sometimes forget how old you are because you don't have time anymore for your own birthdays, then realize you probably don't want to remember the number anyway

 

- you don't listen to music anymore because given the option between ten minutes of your favorite band and silence, you find the silence far more valuable

 

- your right shoulder is lower than your left because you get yanked down every ten seconds so your toddler can pick up something (inevitably nasty) they found on the ground

 

- you haven't bothered to buy furniture for your new living room yet because you now you'll never be able to sit down anyway (yes, this is totally our house right now. What's the point?) lol.gif

post #149 of 171

Turning requests into songs DOES WORK!!  Keeps the kiddo listening and keeps mommy from freaking out!!!!  We also say goodbye to things in song (Good bye swings, good bye sand, we'll see you again some day!) lol

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandybutter View Post

* You wear swim goggles and funny hats around the house to keep the mood light

 

* You turn every request into a song (it works!)

 

* The 5 second rule of safely eating food off the flour is now 5 hrs

 

This is fun!  I'm sure I'll think of more.  Love the responses so far!



 

post #150 of 171

1.  Your potted plants are a great source of fun for the toddler & new puppy!

2.  You just leave the bathroom door open now to save them the trouble of fiddling with the door handle.

3.  Your bed has to be a king size in order for the two- & four-year olds to climb in with you & your spouse in the middle of the nite.

4.  Having a fence around the backyard for your 'zoo' is a necessity!

5.  You can sing every word to the SpongeBob Squarepants intro.

6.  Going "out on the town" now means carseats, wipes, Happy Meals and a G-rated matinee so you're back home by 7:00 for baths & bedtime!

7.  It takes a year to read a book instead of the 3-4 days it used to take when you weren't interrupted constantly!

8.  "But Mom!" becomes your name.

9.  You get really good at putting together Lego sets, dressing tiny dolls - but forget those damn Transformers!!!

10.  You never, ever leave the house without kleenex, wipes, snacks, water bottles, crayons, coloring books, music etc...etc...

post #151 of 171

1. You feel like you're fluent in ASL because you can carry on conversations in sign language with you 21 month old. Mind you, the convos are usually like this; "Where ball?" "Ball hiding!" "Here ball!" "Catch!"

 

2. Waiting for food in a restaurant, you'd think nothing of discussing a decorative pig collection over someone else's table, just to avoid a tantrum. (From a respectable distance of 5 feet, of course.)

 

3. You have a permanent fort in your living room to avoid having to put it up and tear it down every day.

 

4. You discuss children's shows with your partner, but put an adult spin on everything. "Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba looks like a giant dildo..." "Dora and Diego are so flippin' bossy! They're always like, "Flap your arms like a bird! FLAP! FLAAAAP!" or "I wonder if the Fresh Beat Band members ever sleep with eachother..."

 

5. If you go through a disaster once, you never go through it again. Now you haul a backpack around with a first aid kit, 2 changes of clothes, their favorite doll, wipes, a booboo buddy, their favorite music, a swim suit (or snow suit and extra warm clothes, depending on the season), books, crayons, chalk, sunscreen, nail clippers, hair bands, barrettes, a toothbrush, washcloths, extra sippy cupin case the first one gets thrown out the car window or in the river, and then some toys to fill in the empty space.

 

6. Your toddler has you trained to do a perfect rendition of almost any animal in existence, immediately upon seeing said animal. Every. single. time.

 

7. You feel the need to kiss every booboo you see. You resist the urge unless its actually your child. Most of the time.

post #152 of 171

Yes - and most important of all - you know you are the mom of a toddler if you now have the magic powers to kiss any booboo away!

post #153 of 171

- You can't see your refrigerator anymore even though it's now the most colorful appliance in your home for all the papers, paints, glue and magnets.

 

- You've been around the world and seen every single bunny/kitty/chick/duckling/hedgehog viral video out there and you STILL think that teenie-weenie underwear are OMG THE CUTEST THING EVAR.

post #154 of 171

You remind your little boy that there really is such a thing as a bathroom, and we are not camping so no need to pee on a tree! 

You walk in to find a toddler who has finger painted with their diaper and smiling about it 

You know in an instant when the dog is yelping that your toddler is somewhere near by

You wonder why you bought a stroller since your child is NEVER actually in it.. (to hold the diaper bag maybe)

You find you have wandered through the day with a sucker stuck somewhere to your leg! 

post #155 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by amberskyfire View Post
- you haven't bothered to buy furniture for your new living room yet because you now you'll never be able to sit down anyway (yes, this is totally our house right now. What's the point?) lol.gif


until last week our living room had only a dingy old couch (that had been painted with avocado, colored on with crayon and pen) and two of those pottery barn toddler chairs... we finally bought a very gently used glider rocker last week so we have ONE nice chair to sit in. None of it is in a style or color or type that I would actually CHOOSE if I didn't have said toddler...bag.gif

post #156 of 171

My younger (childless) sister wondered if Muno was ribbed for her pleasure.  
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by olivesmama View Post

 

 

4. You discuss children's shows with your partner, but put an adult spin on everything. "Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba looks like a giant dildo..." "Dora and Diego are so flippin' bossy! They're always like, "Flap your arms like a bird! FLAP! FLAAAAP!" or "I wonder if the Fresh Beat Band members ever sleep with eachother..."

 

 



 

post #157 of 171

-You go out and buy more undies for your child rather than argue that only one pair of undies is needed on the bum at a time.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by devasma View Post

My younger (childless) sister wondered if Muno was ribbed for her pleasure.  



Glad I'm not the only one to think that character is a bit phallic in appearance. (I think the term is studded...)

 

 

 

post #158 of 171
Thread Starter 

I have never seen the show YGG, but googled Muno and think he looks like Gumby.

 

I know I am a parent of a toddler today because I started a conversation with "I found a bunch of oats stuck to his testicles this morning."  That opener just wouldn't have been possible pre-toddler.

 

 

 

post #159 of 171

You find yourself saying things like "We don't put the flashlight on our scrotum." Oh the joys of having a boy. lol.gif

post #160 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrugalGranolaMom View Post

You find yourself saying things like "We don't put the flashlight on our scrotum." Oh the joys of having a boy. lol.gif


Wait until he is ten and graduates to a tape measure.. Just to make sure he is measuring up at 10!!! Where did he come up with that one? ROTFLMAO.gif

 

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