Terrified to date.

[Shiloh]

Okay initially I held out hope stbx might come to his proverbial senses.

I am insanely busy and felt wholly unattractive.

There's no one I am really interested in, its hard to imagine a new life I am okay with the fact my old one got blown to bits.

I am okay on my own.

I really can't see dating, I have so little time or energy left and stbx is "too friggin important" to visit with his kids long enough for me to have any real me time, he's also a controlling type so he'd probably do crazy stuff to derail me anyhow if he thought I had someone else.  I have a new job I love, and a graduate degree starting in September...yeah FT job, FT grad school and a graduate assistantship, four kids....insanity!  Theres a guy at work who is really friendly to me, has asked me out for coffee...I am feeling like a nut, like I want to wear more makeup...I bought two new skirts today....lol

It's nice feeling, but the fantasy is better than the reality...

How do you get over that I want to puke feeling of jumping back into taking those kind of risks again?

[sparklefairy]

Go have a cup of coffee if you want :-)

I guess my answers to your questions is keeping it in perspective and keeping your female friendships. A cup of coffee is just a cup of coffee. You can go as slow or as fast as you want. You decide who you are. It's fun to be desired, but it doesn't change you into a different person.

I am starting a grad program too, and while I am not working full time, I have been told to expect to spend 60-80 hours/week on the program. With two full-time kids, I can't see having time to date. I'd have time for an established relationship with someone who could lend a hand, but not for the initial getting-to-know-you stuff.

[mimim]

It sounds like this coffee date could be fun and a confidence booster for you, as long as you know it won't create tension at work down the line somewhere. Suck it up and go! It will get easier once you've gotten over that first hurdle.

One more thing: I know that being excited about someone finding you attractive can prompt some extra primping and shopping, but I have learned a lesson about that during my dating experiences since my divorce. Anyone who really likes you will like you as you are, without trying to impress them in ways that you normally wouldn't behave. For me, any man who is not interested in me with my casual clothes and makeup free face isn't going to be compatible with me. No need for extra makeup or fancy clothes! He likes you as you are!