Baby name drama

[sarafi]

So I thought I would put this in my DDC, as my issue may be b/c I am super pregnant and hormonal.

I gave my last son my maiden name as a middle name as I thought it didn't really go well as a first-last name combo (only with my particularly long last married name). I still don't  love his first name (Elijah) and we call him Eli, or Li-Li for now as he is still a baby. The idea was to use his middle name as a nickname as he grew older.

My sister just informed me that she wants to name an imagined future child the same name (our maiden name was Fischer and her new husband is a fisherman, so she thinks the name should be hers). I totally don't have a problem with cousins having the same name --we don't live anywhere near each other and will only see each other rarely--, but did make a point to tell her (after she went through a whole speil about how Fischer should be her name b/c of her husband)  that we had always intended to call Eli by Fischer, or Fish at some point but planned on doing it when he got older.

This did not go over well, sister is now saying that she is cool with it as long as I make sure "no one else calls Eli by that name" and that "I don't make a family announcement that Fischer is his new name" and therefore try to steal it. I think I already effectively "stole" the name when we named him that long before sister and said fisherman started dating, if that is how she chooses to see it. Nothing was said about it at the time of his birth or in the 2 1/2 years of his life until now.

First of all, we are not mafia and not have family meetings. Secondly, this is already Eli's legal name and a long-standing planned nick-name of sorts and am I crazy or is she being seriously weird about this? Sister is not pregnant nor even currently trying, but has always been "the hormonal one" so I find it hard to talk to her about many things.

What do you guys think? We may never even actually use Fischer as his nick-name, but the fact that she is trying to pressure me into not ever calling him that publicly--when it is already part of his legal name--is crazy right? Also sister may very well never have a boy and the whole argument would be mute, but for now she is rallying all the family to "her side" of an argument I just can't understand. I already had a kid I gave than name to, right?

At this point I keep pointing out that she can see his passport if she wants. Fischer is part of his legal name, doesn't mean she can't use it, I think it would be awesome if she did--and at the same time if she uses the name it doesn't mean than Eli can't either.

Is it really normal for someone else to name their child the same thing you named yours and then try to preempt you from using part of your child's legal name?

Am I really so pregnant that I can't see her side logically?

[SuburbanHippie]

One of my pet peeves is people picking out names before they are pregnant so you can only imagine which side of the argument I fall on.  I don't understand why people get so into naming when having children isn't even on the horizon.  It makes no sense to me.  I can't believe she is trying to get people on her side.  Her reasoning is pretty ridiculous.  You have already used the name.  And what if she has only girls?  Is she going to use Fisher still?  Probably not.

[Narleegates]

Just call your son whatever you want and ignore your sister, eventually she'll get over it...and if she doesn't, well...she has bigger problems than being territorial over a name then

[artekah]

Yes, she is being ridiculous. He's your son; you can call him whatever you want (even if it weren't already his legal name, which it is!) I mean, come on! It's already his name. End of story.

[Adaline'sMama]

DDCC, but I just cant help myself when it comes to name threads. Im an addict.

I think your sister is being silly. Has she thought about the fact that a lot of kids like their middle name and decide themselves that they want to use it? What is going to happen when she does have a baby boy, say, 10 years from now (her first two might be girls) and your DS is 12 or 13 and wants to be called Fish in middle school? Is he not supposed to because your sister wants her baby to be named that? There is no way that your sister knows if she will even have a boy.

[sarafi]

So I was up all night with fake labor and thinking about this to pass the time.

I wonder if my sister just forgot that was his middle name, got all excited to name her baby and can't switch gears from "the plan"

She just got married and is really excited to start a family when her husband decides he is ready, so very likely she just got carried away with dreaming and I came and threw a wrench in her perfect plan.

Anyway, name drama is always weird IMO, so I was just wondering if I was being insensitive about the whole thing or if it really is a silly argument.

Thanks ladies for weighing in 

[JoEngland]

I have a somewhat similar predicament, but no drama attached to it. 

I was super close to my uncle, whose middle name is Conoly. He passed away about a decade ago, and my husband and I decided to give our son his same middle name.  

My uncle had three children, and because of his ex-wife, none of them grew up especially close to him. He probably spent more time with my brothers and sisters than with his own children. 

Now that we've decided to use his middle name as our son's middle name, my cousin (who I do get along with quite famously) has chimed in saying that he and his wife had planned to use Conoly as the first name of their son. They aren't pregnant right now, and aren't planning a second child any time soon either.

I think it's totally OK for us both to use the name, and if my son wants to be called Conoly at some later time, I'd hope my cousin would be OK with that, too.

Right now, though, it's just kind of awkward to me. I was super close to my uncle. His children? Not so much. In fact, my cousin's wife never even met him. I don't know why I feel so protective over his name. It's weird, especially since they aren't pregnant and it may not even be a boy anyway.

Someone, please give me a reality check. Am I being ridiculous?

[HawaiianBlesing]

This has not happened in my family but it did happen to my former boss.  She had a son an named him Sean Patrick.  Her sister had a son several years later and decided to name him Sean as well with a different middle name.  When they are together they go by Sean Patrick and Sean Mark....it's the only way to distinguish between them.

On that note, I think your sister is being quite silly about the whole thing.  Claiming "naming rights" because she married a fisherman.  The name has already been used and it's not uncommon for people to give their children their maiden name as middle names.  My massage therapist did that for her two sons because her family was all girls and she wanted someone to be able to "carry on" the family name in some fashion. 

Stick to your guns and call your son whatever you or he chooses to call himself whether that be Eli, Li-Li-, or Fish.

[Narleegates]

I completely forgot, but we had a similar situation earlier in the pregnancy.  When the name Asher made our boys name list, my niece got a little upset because apparently for years she has been saying that if she ever has a son she wants to name him Asher, I said, "go ahead, we can have 2 Ashers, I don't care" but she thinks it would be weird for cousins to be named the same...(or second cousins...or whatever children of nieces are to the children of aunts)...ANYWAYS, as you got pregnant first, you get dibs on names

[hjdmom24]

DDCC- I am a name thread addict too;) Anyways when I was pregnant with my now 6 year old daughter I was considering the name of my great grandmother because I really liked it. My ( not even pregnant) sister got upset and said that she was planning on naming her future daughter that. I was upset but let it go and came up with a better name. Well my sister still has not had any kids :( and when I found out I am having a girl I revisited the name with her..she said she didn't care because that name was no longer even on her list anymore. So I say since that is already your son's name go ahead and use it the way you intended..she may very well change her mind by the time she has a baby anyways.

[mrsbernstein]

I'm in the "You have the baby first...you get the name" camp.

We are naming our son for my MOTHER'S father and my HUSBAND's father.  Everyone is happy.  Except for my biological father...who won't acknowledge the baby's name.  Not once.  Even my step-dad LOVES our name choice.

However, since my brother was the one to inherit all of my mother's father's things...I was concerned my brother may want to use the name.  Nope...he thinks it's perfect for my baby.  :-)

Hugs to you!

Mr sB