Movie question

[Neera]

Should I be letting my 4.5 yo old watch movie with the word 'stupid' used in them? I have borrowed several G rated movies to discover that most of them have use of either 'stupid' or 'idiot' in them. I don't know why I imagined that those words would be filtered if the rating was G.

Edited by Neera - 7/23/11 at 8:16am

[CarrieMF]

That depends on your personal beliefs & why you think it isn't okay.  

It wouldn't bother me for them to watch movies with those words in it

[weliveintheforest]

There is a good website to look up movies and see what other parents though - http://www.commonsensemedia.org/  I read about it here on mdc and I use it pretty often when deciding whether to let the kids watch a movie.  My kids have seen quite a few movies with things like 'stupid' in them and we haven't yet had issues with them calling people stupid, so I think if they are not watching it over and over again it's not a big deal.  Depends on your individual child/family I think.

[MoonWillow]

It bothers me but my kids have definitely heard the word used (and worse). I tried to be very protective about what they've been allowed to see but just living their lives has exposed them to some things (like Sponge Bob) that I wouldn't have otherwise allowed. You know what I do? Use it as a shining example of whats NOT ok to say and/or do.

I act very disappointed/shocked when I notice something like that and they always say, "We know its naughty mom. Don't worry".

I actually don't get offended by kids using bad language. I swear sometimes. I tell them that they are just words but they shouldn't use them because other people don't like to hear kids swearing. What REALLY burns me up though is words like stupid. Something that is used in a hurtful or insulting way towards others. I'm not ok with adults using that language either though. And I seriously wonder whats wrong with people who make shows like Tuff Puppy and other cartoons that target a young audience and then showcase the absolute worst ways to treat each other. I mean granted I grew up with daffy duck getting shot in the face but is the bar still so low? Who thinks of this garbage?

*sigh*

[RaspberryLeaf]

I don't like to encourage viewing of these movies/shows but I also use it as an example of what NOT to say and encourage DS to ask questions. It's also an opportune time to talk about feelings and how he/she would feel if that word was directed to them.

Recently DS boldly announced to his friend that she was a "LOSER!!!!!" because he won a race (which oddly enough he never wins!).  I lost it!  I'm certain he will not be saying that again.  

[One_Girl]

I watch movies with my dd and make a brief comment if something objectionable comes up.  I wouldn't worry about the name calling, except to comment on it to a young child.  G rated movies have a lot of stuff in them like name calling, sword fighting, and death.  The rating just means that it is done in a way that most kids can watch without a parent needing to be concerned.

My dd is 8 and able to handle a lot so I really don't worry about it now.  I think that if your child is old enough to handle the content overall and you are fine with the overall message of the movie then there is no need to worry about a few name calling incidents. 

[Neera]

Originally Posted by weliveintheforest 

There is a good website to look up movies and see what other parents though - http://www.commonsensemedia.org/  I read about it here on mdc and I use it pretty often when deciding whether to let the kids watch a movie.

Thanks for the link. I'll have a look at it.

Generally, I've noticed dd imitating older kids (cousins), especially slangs like Oh Man. So, yes, it is important to me she doesn't think it's ok for her to include them in her vocabulary. 

[SweetSilver]

You could swear like a sailor and I wouldn't care, but name calling is strictly forbidden in our house.  I wouldn't restrict a movie with it necessarily, but I would say something.  Of course, I remember my mom doing that and thinking "yeah, whatever mom!" but that's no reason to not say something.  Sometimes talking about it another time besides when the video is playing is more effective.  So far, the movies and videos don't seem to be rubbing off on them that way (yet).  I think because my girls know what a big deal this is for me.  And I never ever ever call my kids or my dh names, even when I am  raging mad.  I hate it that much.

     I do let my kids know some alternatives.  Instead of saying "You're mean" (even that counts as name calling here) I let them know they can say "You are being mean".  I don't know alternatives to calling someone "stupid", it would depend on the situation.  I wouldn't say I punish my kids for name calling, either, apart from the stern mood it puts me in.  But I will call them on it.  Every time.

[meemee]

i use those moments to turn them into teachable moments. 

if i remember the G movies if they used stupid it directly showed either why one should not use it or the impact of the word stupid. 

my dd has a father who would not change his language. somehow she and some of her friends figured out which words were not appropriate to use in public. 

with certain words like stupid or others i made it a point to point it out to her that those were hurtful words and never ok. 

and she knew that - even at 3 so i never kept those movies away from her. 

[swd12422]

We are going through this, too. I try to limit TV and movies b/c DS is only 3 and really has better things to do. Unfortunately, TV is the only way he can sit still and quiet for more than a few minutes, and when my parents have him they need the break since he won't nap for them. He has seen several Disney movies and some Bugs Bunny cartoons and we've read one Dr Seuss book that have expanded his vocabulary in a not-so-good way. (I didn't remember the Lorax using the phrase "shut up" but DS latched right on to that one.)

We are trying to explain the difference between when someone says, "I couldn't get the stupid car to start again" and "You're stupid" to DS, but he is now convinced that it's never a nice thing to say and we get in "trouble" for saying it. I find it interesting how easily he can pick out the "bad" words from a random TV show or a few minutes' worth of movie when DH is watching something that seems so innocuous to us.

[JudiAU]

I wouldn't, personally, but we don't allow media at all at that age because I think most of the content is poor or pushes licensed stuff. I don't think there is any reason why a kid that age needs that sort of language directed at them and it WILL come out in their speech. Most G is not, actually "general" to me. If you are watching it with them yes, it could be a discussion but odds are, for most families, you won't be.

[Neera]

G or not, I've started scanning them all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudiAU 

I wouldn't, personally, but we don't allow media at all at that age because I think most of the content is poor or pushes licensed stuff. I don't think there is any reason why a kid that age needs that sort of language directed at them and it WILL come out in their speech. Most G is not, actually "general" to me. If you are watching it with them yes, it could be a discussion but odds are, for most families, you won't be.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by SweetSilver 
 I wouldn't say I punish my kids for name calling, either, apart from the stern mood it puts me in.  But I will call them on it.  Every time.

This was me, too.

Stupid isn't actually a bad word, but this reminds me that for years, my kids thought "the F word" referred to the word "fat" because they knew that you should never call another person fat, and they didn't know any other words starting with F that they shouldn't say.

I miss that time.

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

Stupid isn't actually a bad word, but this reminds me that for years, my kids thought "the F word" referred to the word "fat" because they knew that you should never call another person fat, and they didn't know any other words starting with F that they shouldn't say.

That's funny!  I make a distinction between "angry words" (society's "bad words") which are discouraged but not forbidden, and "mean words" like when my sister calls someone "retard!"  She doesn't apologize for that but will for swearing.  I told her I much prefer that she skip the name calling, even if she is not being serious.  The trick comes in not making the kids too sensitive to this.  I want them to not call each other "stupid" etc but then again I don't want them to melt when they are called something, either.

[Mummoth]

I actually tell my kids to say the F word! It's been proven that when people swear, their pain level goes down. So at home, if my son hurts himself he's allowed to blurt out the F-bomb... his dad does it, and I'm sure he'd have started on his own eventually anyway, so he may as well reap the benefits of swearing now. He usually stops crying and starts giggling when he does it, so I guess it works!  I tried to get DD to do it too, but she wont.

I'm surprised by some of the stuff in kids movies, but they learn all the words when they get to school or at parks anyway... I think it's better for their first exposure to at least some of the words be at home, where you can give an appropriate reaction to it. they understand the distinction between name calling and bad words fairly quickly. There are lots of words that are perfectly fine to use in the appropriate context, but are awful when used as an insult...  for example, things that are broken, spoiled or used up are trash, people are not.

[Tjej]

One of my children (5yo) can handle words like that in a TV show (but she'd probably find the plot too intense).  My other child (3yo) can't handle those words because he will learn them and use them effectively and meanly whenever he is angry.  I am grateful every time he pitches a fit that his media exposure has been very limited/filtered for the most part.  :)  His venom could be so much more toxic.

I think it really depends on what you want to have your kids exposed to.  If you don't like it, don't watch them.  If your kid can't handle it without it negatively impacting their behavior or mood, then don't watch it.  There are so many better things to do than watch shows that teach kids how to be mean, IMO.  BUT, there are also a lot worse things they could see or hear than the word stupid. 

Tjej