Just feeling sad.

[sajgos]

I'm 36 weeks, as of yesterday, and Baby A is still in the breech position. If she doesn't flip vertex in the next two weeks, I have to have a c-section. I am just feeling so sad about this today, and helpless and defeated. This is my first birth, and I probably won't even get to experience it.

Yes, I know a c-section is still a birth, as everyone has been telling me. blah blah blah. I've heard it all before. I'm so sick of hearing, "well it may not be what you wanted, but all that matters in the end is the health of the babies."

I also feel like a bad parent already, because whenever Baby A gets hiccups (which is like 15 times a day) I feel them in the same place and am annoyed at her for not moving into a better position.

I just feel like crying.

[Beckily]

Cry.

My doula says that if I end up with a c-section there are things that are very important. Try to get someone else in the prep room with you so that you do not feel alone - the nurses will often ignore you.

Try to have two people in the OR so that one is always with the babies telling you what is going on and one is always with you. She says being alone at that time is often experienced as trauma.

She also said that sometimes you can get them to delay the cord clamping and to put the babies right onto your chest - that would be huge for me.

Talk to your people about any of that that matters to you. Find the parts that are the most important thing so that you do have choices and you do get to experience as much of the birth as possible. And cry. It would break my heart to need a c-section. Of course healthy babies are the most important bit, but not the only bit. You are not a bad parent.

Also, if you do get a section, your husband or someone has to be around for more than a week. I remember one of our twins people had a husband going right back to work and that would NOT be acceptable.

But hopefully baby turns! :)

[elove]

i think it is perfectly fine to let yourself feel what you need to feel. Dont add on to it by getting upset over how you feel (that is what DH tells me ALL the time!). Take a deep breath, acknowledge that you are sad over the positioning, so you can start focusing on the positive sides of the situation as you move on.

I whine (internally) non-stop sometimes. And I have a singleton. Twins is a lot more work, so try to cut yourself some slack too.  You would like the finale to be as you envisioned it after all the work you put in...very understandable. Also, remember how far you've carried them and how healthy their progress is - you have already done sooo good by them, it will take a WAYY more than being annoyed that they are not perfectly positioned, or having a different birth than you planned to even consider bad parenting!

if you really feel like crying, let it out  - at least it makes me feel better to let go of the pressure building up. Than you can look at your puffy eyes and laugh a little afterwards 

remember, you are doing great!

[karalynnskies]

You should not feel bad for the way you are feeling! I would feel just as frustrated as you are! Just try to stay positive and hopefully that baby will flip!

And cry if you need to because I am sure every single person in this DDC has had a breakdown about something in their pregnancy not going as planned. Just try not to beat yourself up

[SynEpona]

My son didn't flip out of transverse until the 38.5wk morning of his scheduled c-section! It is hard to accept that you might not get the birth you want, I understand completely. I imagine things are getting sort of squishy in there, and there's not as much room for babyA to flip as she has to work around babyB's position as well ... A lot of the things I tried to flip this baby are not recommended for multiples, but you could just TELL that baby to move! Mine didn't listen to me, but did  'obey' my son ... so maybe have someone else tell baby to flip :)

The *only* good thing about knowing now that you might need a C-sec (and I still might end up with one too, b/c this baby is super flippy, and breech as often as not), is that you can prepare a plan to still allow you to have the support you need/want in surgery, and find out the protocols that you need to be aware of with regards to getting breastfeeding started right away (what the 'regular' routine is, and how you want it changed!), and other things. If you only plan for a natural delivery and have a sudden c-sec with no planning, then you lose the control -- simply by not knowing what to expect.

[Ree Tee]

Originally Posted by sajgos 

I'm 36 weeks, as of yesterday, and Baby A is still in the breech position. If she doesn't flip vertex in the next two weeks, I have to have a c-section. I am just feeling so sad about this today, and helpless and defeated. This is my first birth, and I probably won't even get to experience it.

Yes, I know a c-section is still a birth, as everyone has been telling me. blah blah blah. I've heard it all before. I'm so sick of hearing, "well it may not be what you wanted, but all that matters in the end is the health of the babies."

I also feel like a bad parent already, because whenever Baby A gets hiccups (which is like 15 times a day) I feel them in the same place and am annoyed at her for not moving into a better position.

I just feel like crying.

My baby was in breech up until 36 weeks. He may be back again for all I know, because it's hard for me to tell his position...Anyway, this is what I want to say - I was totally fretting about this for quite some time, and then one day I just gave up. I thought to myself - how fortunate I am just to be pregnant and to have a baby that is doing well in general. If he's breech, there's a reason (however literal/scientific or spiritual or whatever you want to take that).

I stopped worrying. I did, however, go to a public pool and float on my stomach and do handstands in the water (much easier if you're with someone, though I did this on my own). I also did some yoga positions that felt comfortable to me - cat-cow and knee-to-chest (the latter can be seen at :53 on this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7MTaMflkf8). My husband and I also talked to my baby, as people suggested, and asked that he do what was best for his health.

You'll probably want to talk with your midwife or OB before doing any exercises, just to get their approval, though something like cat-cow is quite safe, I believe. There are other positions (such as breech tilt) but I didn't feel comfortable when doing them.

Lastly, I want to reiterate that it was a long journey for this baby to come, and all I care about is that the baby is born safely and healthily. It may get tiring hearing that from people, but there is wisdom in that. If you have to get a c-section, prepare for it (i.e. in the ways that Becky suggested and mentally) and let go.........

My husband was a c-section baby and he is one of the most balanced, incredible persons I've ever known. His mother is great and I've never heard her complain about her birthing process.

Don't let this eat you up. Enjoy some activities that may help lead to your baby's optimal position, but remember that no matter how much people say it - there is truth to your babies' health being the ultimate joy. There are so many women who try to get pregnant and cannot. You've come so far and you will have two beautiful baby girls. How amazing!

[Jbouck5]

Don't feel guilty about being annoyed that the baby won't flip! It is incredibly frustrating to have something as important as your plan for how you want to birth your babies be taken out of your control. I have definitely had my moments of being mad at the baby for not flipping (almost 39w and still breech), I feel her head pushing out near my right ribs and just get so annoyed. Obviously we love our babies and of course will do whatever it takes to keep them healthy and safe. With that said, it's ok to be frustrated with them, I say just allow yourself those feelings, and then remind yourself that in a few weeks, no matter what, you will have 2 wonderful squishy little babies to love.

[PoetryLover]

Originally Posted by SynEpona 

The *only* good thing about knowing now that you might need a C-sec (and I still might end up with one too, b/c this baby is super flippy, and breech as often as not), is that you can prepare a plan to still allow you to have the support you need/want in surgery, and find out the protocols that you need to be aware of with regards to getting breastfeeding started right away (what the 'regular' routine is, and how you want it changed!), and other things. If you only plan for a natural delivery and have a sudden c-sec with no planning, then you lose the control -- simply by not knowing what to expect.

I agree that having the opportunity to "plan" how a c-section might go is valuable--just in case. Hopefully, you won't need one. 

My babe is positioned fine (at least the last I heard, but it doesn't feel like s/he has moved) and I'm "planning" a c-section, along with a natural birth, because I don't want to be caught off guard.
 

[elevena true]

oh, mama, i hear your disappointment and desparation. i couldn't not send you hugs and let you know how strong you have been carrying those two babes!

i can totally relate to how you might be feeling in the wake of baby a still being in the breech position. i know the timing is getting quite close....but your baby certainly can flip in the next two weeks! we will all be sending flip, baby, flip vibes to your babe. i second the pp who mentioned how many physical excercises you can do to encourage baby shifting, though i imagine it is slightly different with two in the oven.

i would say, talk that baby down. talk him/her into the ideal position. constantly envision the baby flipping inside you. have a mental image of it that you can meditate on. instead of letting yourself be annoyed when you feel the hiccups in the same place, turn that into a moment where you imagine the baby moving into ideal placement....use the hiccups to help you mentally place where you want babe to be. ask baby b to make room for his/her brother/sis. i would send as much positive turning light and energy to your womb as possible, and really try to wait a minute on the feelings of disappointment... there is still time!!

when it comes to feeling so disappointed about the possibility of a c-section, when it comes to that for sure, i offer you my virtual shoulder to cry it out. own your feelings. i can totally understand how disappointing that reality is, i would be right there with you. birthing is not just about a healthy baby (babies) in the end, it is also about a healthy mama in the end. should a c-section be your reality, and i know we are all rooting for you and baby a so that it is not, let yourself grieve losing your vaginal birth experience this time. get it out as much as you can. don't let any guilt creep in... of course you want what is best for your babies. wanting what is best for their mama is also wanting what is best for them. how daunting it must feel to think of a c section and then coming home to care for two helpless babies. i hear you, and more hugs your way. the best way i can see coming to terms with that, should it be the case, is letting all of your disappointment and anger, sadness, etc, about the situation OUT. you are in no way a bad parent for envisioning a different birth for yourself. birth is not entirely about babies.

(as a light at the end of the tunnel, i do know a mama on these boards who's first babes were c-sectioned twins, and she went on to have i think like 8 more kiddos, all at home, mostly uc. one c-section, again- only if it ends up that route, does not mean you will never get the birth you envision!)

much love your way!

turn, baby a, turn! 

[Babydoll1285]

Just wanted to offer some more encouragement and hugs!  I had a doula client who had her twins at 40 weeks and 1 day and baby A was still flipping positions (usually breech and transverse) until about 3 days before.  She did inversions, hot and cold, saw her chiro, listened to the Hypnobabies breech baby cd, acupuncture, pulsatilla, anything she could think of.  She came to to conclusion she'd do everything in her power to make it happen and if her baby decided not to move head down, there must be some reason for it. Her baby A moved head down when he was good and ready.   You still have plenty of time, even with two babies.  Good luck!

[Emerging butterfly]

Hey mama...it's totally understandable that you would feel sad about this. ((HUG)) I had a c-section for my first birth...totally NOT necessary and horrible emotionally for me...but, I had all VBACS for the rest of my pregnancies. A C-section isn't ideal...you know that, and that's why your sad. but, it's also not the end of the world...not if you have a healthy baby in the end. Having a live healthy baby trumps it all.

Even so....there is bound to be sadness and grief...and that is normal, and totally understandable. A planned C-section, or a needed one, need not feel as terrible as one that is NOT necessary but done anyway. You can KNOW that it was the safest way for your little one...and that's great news! That's what they are for.

No matter what happens...just allow yourself to feel exactly how you feel. Doing so will allow you to process, and in the end...you will feel better for it. In the meantime...take care of yourself. ((HUG))

[Italiamom]

Originally Posted by sajgos 

Yes, I know a c-section is still a birth, as everyone has been telling me. blah blah blah. I've heard it all before. I'm so sick of hearing, "well it may not be what you wanted, but all that matters in the end is the health of the babies."

What matters in the end is the health of the babies AND the mama.  You matter too, and I'm so sorry that people can't seem to wrap their heads around it sometimes.  Being a mother is a selfless act, day in, and day out.  You have every right to be very, very sad about a cesarean.  You can still move forward with something and be sad about having to do it, go through it.  You being distraught about it does NOT make you a bad mother.

Originally Posted by elevena true 

birthing is not just about a healthy baby (babies) in the end, it is also about a healthy mama in the end. should a c-section be your reality, and i know we are all rooting for you and baby a so that it is not, let yourself grieve losing your vaginal birth experience this time. get it out as much as you can. don't let any guilt creep in... of course you want what is best for your babies. wanting what is best for their mama is also wanting what is best for them.

I read a post recently on Navelgazing Midwife that directly addressed the doulas role at a planned cesarean, but it had a lot of details in it that might be worth going over now and planning.  Because you KNOW you might very well need a cesarean, you have precious time to advocate for some more baby friendly things in your kiddos' birth.  The post link is here (http://navelgazingmidwife.squarespace.com/navelgazing-midwife-blog/2011/3/8/guest-post-doula-ing-for-cesareans.html) and there are some very sweet pictures and lots of really great information about things that you could ask for to get a birth that is more YOUR birth, even if it is via cesarean.  You can experience a cesarean birth, but you'll have to start planning for it now.

I think you should still be sad (distraught, actually, is how I would feel).  I think you deserve to mourn the birth you wanted, and to feel sad about the birth you might just have to have.  Don't let anyone tell you that it doesn't matter!  But I also think you should tackle the bull head on and try to get as much as you can out of your possible cesarean birth.

And in the meantime, keep meditating that baby down.  Because they DO flip at the last minute.  Kids are stubborn...

[RubyLu]

Hugs. My firstborn was breech and my homebirth turned into a c-section. And I cried. And am still disappointed by how it had to be for me (wasn't provided the opportunity to deliver breech vaginally either). It does suck and it's okay to feel that way. But you will be okay and your babies will make you happy. But feeling sad about it for a while (and even sometimes afterwards) is okay. I'm sorry, mama. (And hoping that your baby may yet flip for you!)

[Tamera]

I don't have any advice that hasn't already been given, but I wanted to give you some support regardless. Of course having healthy babies matters the most, but your experience matters too. Don't listen to anyone that tells you otherwise. It's okay to be upset, but I hope you get a chance to have the best possible experience.