Home birth and foster care

[caraloveschuck]

Hello! 

This is my first post :)

My husband and I recently became foster parents and currently have our first placement (a sibling set). My question is about home birthing. While I am not currently pregnant we do hope to get pregnant (hopefully sooner then later, we've been trying for a while). My question is how does Social Services feel about home birthing. I live in MD and home birthing is legal but only with a CNM. With that in mind I will plan to hire the one CNM in our state for our home birth. I am not willing to birth in a hospital unless it was medically necessary. Do you think I will encounter problems with CPS over this? My second question is my very best friend wants a home birth but does not feel comfortable doing it at her house due to the neighbors. She asked if she could home birth at my house (again using the CNM in our state). Would this be a problem? My inlaws live very close and could babysit whatever children were in the house or I would have a person who does respite on speed dial. What is the best way to handle all of this? 

Thanks!

[heatherdeg]

WELCOME!!!  

I think this is really something deserves and "it depends"... because my immediate reaction would be "Ummm... be careful" (not in terms of the actual birthing, but in terms of cps  ).

I did a lot of things that were very not mainstream, but 1) I had some "excuse" for everything I did that cps couldn't really argue much (med exemption for not vaxing, food allergies and other stuff to bolster homeschooling my spectrum kid, etc.); and 2) by the time we were in a position for any of this to matter, I had been a fp for a few years and had a great relationship with the cps nurse because we handled a few cases that SHOULD'VE been medically fragile but they placed with us because we were good and knew our stuff.

Now, you might have a worker that doesn't find this stuff to be "strange" or "weird" (both of which usually mean "problematic" and "suspect" in the eyes of cps); but keep in mind that every step you are from mainstream is "something to look into further" because, well, it's just different.  And different means looking further into it to make sure it's not a problem.

Also, make sure you know the rules about who can babysit the kids and what qualifies for respite care.  For us, anyone who was babysitting in a PLANNED circumstance had to be cleared by cps.  And we couldn't get respite care unless a child was rated such that they qualified for respite services, or we were going over a state line where the child wasn't allowed to go over the state line (we had two placements like this  ).

Good luck!!!

[phathui5]

I don't see why there would be an issue with you giving birth in your own home, with the kids with a babysitter. I don't know that having friends birth at your house would be a good idea.

[Irishmommy]

I had a homebirth while fostering. We had 2 foster families lined up to take the girls on short notice, but when I went into labour, the girls' worker took them to the office for the day and put them elsewhere, even knowing it was all sorted. She was awful like that. But other than it, it wasn't an issue. Dd was born on a Friday night, and the girls came back the Sunday night, iirc.

[MissinNYC]

How old are the foster kids? Old enough to tell the worker? Personally, I'd just adapt a dont ask dont tell policy. My workers never asked where I was birthing and I never shared it. As long as the FKs are going elsewhere for the actual birth (which is a good idea for many reasons, including possible trauma they've experienced) I wouldn't say a thing. Make sure you have documentation that the kids were elsewhere and don't worry about it, IMO.

[Smithie]

In my state, don't ask don't tell would also be the best approach. But that does vary by state. 

[sugarmoon]

I live in a very homebirth friendly state.  I had all 3 of my homebirths while fostering.  The first, we had an 10 yr old who was doing respite w/ends while transitioning.  I went into labor early sunday morning when he was there and we called the staff at his group home to come get him.  The second, that same kiddo was now placed with us, and we had a plan for him to go to a friends house when I went into labor, which he did.  

The third, that kiddo had gone back to residential, and we had a little girl (who we later adopted).  She was home for the birth with my other 2 kids, all of whom slept through it.  I had some loose plans for all the kids to go to a neighbor if it was a long labor, but otherwise the plan was for them to be home.  

I think it depends a lot on who you have for kids and what their situation is like and what the social worker is like.  The social worker I had with my little girl was very homebirth friendly (had done doula training etc) and was a mom of little kids, so she didn't think it was at all strange that I'd homebirth with the kids at home.

[simplified]

I practiced don't ask don't tell a couple years ago.  Everything went on without a hitch.  My foster daughter was only 8 weeks old, so I didn't plan on her leaving, she slept right through it though.

[Polliwog]

It wouldn't be a big deal where I live.

[sarah_bella1050]

I can't even imagine why this would be a big deal.  Homebirth is a perfectly legal way to give birth, it is how you birth your baby and has nothing to do with your social worker.  The foster child isn't going to be made to watch or anything LOL.  CPS would never act on a call with the only complaint of "they birthed at home" it's legal and nothing to be ashamed of.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by sarah_bella1050 

I can't even imagine why this would be a big deal.  Homebirth is a perfectly legal way to give birth, it is how you birth your baby and has nothing to do with your social worker.  The foster child isn't going to be made to watch or anything LOL.  CPS would never act on a call with the only complaint of "they birthed at home" it's legal and nothing to be ashamed of.

Well, in my state, homeschooling and vax exemption were legal, too.  But they weren't mainstream and our particular state cps system viewed all things not mainstream as suspect.  Homebirthing would've been a huge issue just like homeschooling and vax status.  They're not familiar with it and so they can't read the "signs" when there's an issue in that "culture" because it's not the dominant culture of the region.  Seriously, I belonged to three Holistic Moms chapters (they were close and I lived equidistant from the main meeting places) and seriously know 2-4 homebirthing women total.

So like I said, "it depends".  If you happen to live in a state where cps is better about it--great.  But find a local foster parent support group and find out.