Breech and Depressed

[tammylc]

I just found out yesterday that my baby is breech. I'm doing a bunch of things to encourage the baby to turn - pulsatilla, tilt board, Webster technique from a chiropractor. If the baby hasn't turned by Monday, my midwife wants to attempt a version. They've got a really good track record of getting babies to turn, so I should be optimistic (I'm 37w3d, so we've got time yet).

All day yesterday I managed to be optimistic and hopeful about it - yes, a c-section would be about as far from my planned homebirth as possible, but if that turns out to be what needs to happen, then it's for the best. But today all of a sudden I'm having a hard time keeping my spirits up.

Feeling tired and hormonal and down about it all. I don't want to get too upset, because I know my being tense and anxious isn't going to do the baby any good, but I don't seem to be able to stop the tears from sneaking out occasionally.

I've had a remarkably smooth pregnancy, and as I entered into these last few weeks I was still enjoying being pregnant. Although I've started really looking forward to finally meeting this Little Bean I've been carrying around for months. Now I feel like I can't focus on preparing myself for birth and beyond, because I don't have the slightest idea any more what that's going to be like, and for the first time in a long time I'm not joyously pregnant anymore.

I just wish I could cheer up and face this with a sense of optimism and purpose, like I was yesterday, instead of sitting here all weepy.

Any words of support or encouragement? Mostly I think I just need a hug and cuddle - I'm glad DH will be getting home soon.

[OnTheFence]

I think everything you are feeling is normal. I remember all too well feeling the same way over 7 years ago when I waspregnant with my daughter.

My words of wisdom: go with your gut, listen to your body and your baby.
Try to focus on the little one you are about to meet.
If it looks like you may have to have a surgical birth, somewhat prepare for it by learning about pain medications, hospital policies, breastfeeding help, etc.

I hope though your baby turns!

[honey]

You are doing everything you can, and that's all you can do! I will send head down vibes your way!

[molly]

my baby just turned

Hey,

I know just how you feel. However, I might have a good option. I 'm pretty sure my baby turned as a result of the Webster technique ( which I found out about on this discussion group ) and especially after I had accupunture yesterday. I know you're doin g a lot of things already but since this worked so well for me I thought I ought to pass it on. Best of luck.

Molly

[Defenestrator]

Hi --

I am an apprentice midwife in Ann Arbor.

It sounds like you have a good plan for turning the baby.

One other resource to consider would be acupuncture. There is a wonderful acupuncturist we have worked with before named Abby Humphrey. She practices out of an office called the Center for Sacred Living on Hogback Rd. She has said to me in the past that she has better luck with turning babies before 35 weeks, but she may be able to help you if you want to consider another method.

Good luck, and pm me if you want to chat about other possible local resources.

Stacia

[tammylc]

Thanks, Stacia and Molly. I was planning to try to call Abby today and try out the whole acupuncture thing...

[tammylc]

Just thought I'd give an update...

I've been doing Pulsatilla and the tilt board all week. I've been to the chriropractor twice. At my midwife appt on Friday, my midwife was very optimistic - she was able to get the baby to move a good 1/4 turn pretty much effortlessly. So she encouraged me to apply a little bit of gentle pressure to try to get the baby at least transverse, and Little Bean has responded well. I'm going in to the office in an hour for them to attempt to turn the baby (they use a much gentler technique than they'd use in the hospital).

Yesterday was the big day to do everything I could to help the baby along. Chiropractor first thing in the morning, tilt board, tilt board again, an hour in the swimming pool doing somersaults, and back on the tilt board three more times before a warm bath and bed. Felt like I made a lot of progress - I think the baby's head is down parallel with my belly button now, and the hard bits up top are shoulders and back. Last night I was feeling kicks in the middle of my belly, instead of down low.

Anyway, I'm really optimistic that my midwives will be able to encourage the baby to flip. Hope I have good news to report when I get home! If anyone's up early, please think happy head down thoughts for us!

[LisaG]

Hi Tammy,

Hope all went well and baby is enjoying his/her "new" womb view head down

Take care,
LisaG

[tammylc]

Thanks, but sadly, Little Bean's view has not changed... More tilt board and all the rest of it for the next couple days, and we'll try again on Tuesday. Plus I'm calling an OB tomorrow and once I get in to see her, we can start discussing ECV and see if I want to give that a try.

I feel like I'm more depressed than I should be. I'm fine, baby's fine, and that's really what matters. But the uncertainty and constant emotional ups and downs of "will this thing work this time" are just killing me...

[LisaG]

Oh Tammy,

I think it's totally understandable that you're having a roller coaster of emotions (events alone, but then add in the magic of pregnancy hormones for that extra special cocktail effect ).

Be gentle with yourself, and maybe do something nice for healthy distraction today. Yes it's wonderful that you and baby are doing well, hold on to that. At the same time, there's the chance that a dearly held plan and dream of birth may not come to fruition the way you'd hoped, so of course you're going to have feelings of depression and disappointment - totally normal! And it'd be one thing if you knew for sure, but the uncertainty of it all amps everything up.

One thought - not sure if this will resonate with you or not, but perhaps you could have a conversation with babe and let him/her know where you're at with all of this. Not the "please turn" conversation (although that can be helpful too), but the "I'm feeling sad/uncertain/upset that what I really wanted for both of us (vaginal birth - at home I think? sorry I'm fuzzy on details) may not happen." Sometimes that can hold a nice space for a shift in internal perspective.

Take good care of yourself!

LisaG

[LizD]

You could look again, if you have already, at books like Spiritual Midwifery- they deliver vaginal breeches with no problems. Investigate your options *fully*- no one here where I live knew there is a doctor who will attend vaginal breeches in hospital until a midwife I know happened to mention it. You could go to the Farm to have your baby if you strongly want a vaginal birth and don't believe a csection is best, or have an unassisted homebirth. Not everyone would want to do that, but knowing all your options, even those that seem outrageous to you, will help you feel you are choosing the course your hcps are recommending, rather than feeling it's something happening *to* you, and I think this can make all the difference in how the birth goes for you, surgical or vaginal. Lots of luck and

[tammylc]

I have an appointment with my newly acquired OB this afternoon. I'm trying to be as prepared for the visit as possible, so I'm writing up a list of goals for the appointment and questions to ask. I'd appreciate any feedback anyone has to offer.

1. Schedule an ultrasound so we can see if there are any identifiable reasons why the baby hasn't and shouldn't turn.

2. Talk about External Cephalic Version - What does it involve, exactly? How often has he done them? What's his success rate? What's his emergency c-section rate following ECV? What are the risks? Am I a good candidate? How soon could one be scheduled?

3. Talk about a c-section - What does it involve, exactly? When, relative to my due date, would he want to schedule it? Would it be possible to wait until I went into labor, rather than scheduling it? What are the pros and cons of scheduling vs. waiting for labor? What are my options - who can be in the room, what kind of anesthesia could be used and what are the effects, what kind of pain relief could be used and what are the effects? Most importantly - how can I make this as much as possible like a "regular" birth, and not like a surgical procedure? How soon can I touch the baby? Hold the baby? Breastfeed? How long would I be in the hospital? Could the baby room-in with me?

Anything else I should ask?

Thanks in advance.

[MistyD]

Hi, I hope your appointment goes well today. Here is an interesting site, http://www.breechbabies.com/contents.htm . It has lots of info about breech babies, including birthing vaginally. I didn't know if you were interested in that or not. Good luck, we're all thinking of you and wishing you a happy birth.

[tammylc]

I would love to attempt a vaginal breech delivery, but as far as I can tell, there is no one in my area who will perform them.

Thanks for the link - I'll check it out.

[gratefulmum]

First off Pronunciations of breech are so difficult to deal with. You're almost there, you're at the end of the pregnancy, if you're like myself or you there has been no other complications, and suddenly...baby is upside down and you weren't expecting it. I know. My pregnancy was remarkably easy it's just that my little one wanted to sit breech. I tried absolutely everything in the book, and my baby girl knew how she wanted to be born, and it wasn't LOA!
I know you just want to be comforted right now, and odds are you're baby will turn and you will have the beautiful home birth that you have been planning. But just know that, I'm sitting here with my precious baby girl on my lap, and I'm still disappointed that a cesarean birth was what we needed, but I'm not disappointed in my baby and I have every othe part of her life to look forward to.
Good luck, I'm sure you're trying everything out there, and that's really all you can do. It's also a good idea to make sure you're really ready for the babe, both physically and emotionally. Let them know you accept them free of gender preferences, of circumstances surrounding the conception, pregnancy, regardless of any issues b/t you and the father, etc.And don't have a looming to-do list...baby knows these things.

[tammylc]

Thanks, Gratefulmum. I appreciate the perspective from someone who's been there! Sounds like our situations are remarkably similar - it's been a very smooth pregnancy, physically, anyway.

Emotionally, I've had a lot of things to work through in this pregnancy. 9 months ago I was asking myself some pretty serious questions about whether I wanted to have kids (now or ever). Then I found out I was pregnant, and spent the first few months coming to terms with and welcoming that. But then I started to freak out about my suitability as a parent, all coming out of my own dysfunctional upbringing. But I worked through all of that, and have reached the point where I believe in my ability to be a good mom and was starting to really look forward to embarking on parenting! And now this.

Ahhh, just another learning experience and opportunity for growth.

Or as a friend says - "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want."

[tammylc]

Okay - I'm trying not to get my hopes too worked up, but I'm wondering if maybe, just maybe, the baby has turned. Last night I was up for an hour and a half in the middle of the night while the babe did a gymnastics routine in my belly. Felt different when I first got up this morning, but still felt something head like up top.

However, when I went for my Webster technique session with my chiropractor, I tested Webster negative in the initial eval, meaning that I didn't need the adjustment. I have no idea what that means! Has anyone whose used Webster tested negative on the eval but had the baby not be turned?

I've got a call into my midwives to see if I can drop by the office and have them do an evaluation of position. In the meantime I'm being very cautiously optimistic.

[auntieM]

I was really thrown for a loop when, at 37 weeks, we discovered that my daughter was breech. She had been vertex up until that time. I am fairly tall & hippy & just never figured I would not deliver vaginally. I wish you the best of luck turning your baby. If it doesn't happen, I wanted to tell you something that I came across while trying to figure out why my dd was breech & what I could do about it. I don't remember where I read it, but it really made me feel bettter. "Some babies just want to be closer to mommy's heart."

Hugs!!!

[tammylc]

Despite my intention to keep in good spirits, I'm having a hard time with it right now. I dealt okay with the news that the baby was still breech, after hoping all day that maybe, just maybe, she had turned.

I'm doing the tilt board regularly, but it doesn't seem to ever really get the baby's attention. Right now I'm just looking at it as a way to help keep the baby from engaging deeply in my pelvis, which should make other things more likely to work.

But maybe the baby just doesn't want to turn, or can't turn, or shouldn't turn. And everyone's got a million opinions about what's safe and what's not. It feels like I'm in a no-win situation of choosing between risky situations with not enough information and never sure whose opinion to believe and trust.

I'm still feeling more emotionally stable than I had been, and trying to really just accept whatever comes. But the waiting game is getting really tiring, as is having to constantly make decision after decision after decision. I almost wish that I'd just go into labor so I could stop making decisions and just be done.

[OnTheFence]

Originally posted by tammylc

Ahhh, just another learning experience and opportunity for growth.

Or as a friend says - "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want."

Your friend is right on! I need that printed on a T-shirt!!!