I might murder my SO. VENT

[Mizyellow]

So I know I am 4 days out from having a baby and my hormones are a little out of whack but my SO is driving me insane. She has pretty much slept like a log from the word go and when I do wake her up she is completely useless.  I mean like to the point where I woke her up and asked me to go get him a diaper and wipes. She left the room, went pee, came back and laid down. No diaper, no wipes. When I woke her up again, she left the room and brought me back a blanket. It would almost be funny if it was SO NOT. And then when I get upset with her, she has the audacity to be like "Well I am so tired" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????????? I am the one the gave birth, I am the one that is nursing literally every hour all night long (how did I forget about that part?) and she isn't even waking up when the freaking baby cries?! During the day she is fine, she helps with the cleaning and helps with our 3 year old. Unfortantly I can not sleep during the day much so I am running on very little sleep. I was single when I had my first and it actually seemed so much easier to do it alone. End vent.

[MarineWife]

Sounds typical. Sorry I don't have any words of encouragement. Maybe if you talk to her during the day about what you need at night, that would help.

I was single when I had my first so I get what you mean about it being easier, in a way. When you know you have to do it all yourself there is no chance of being let down.

[SuburbanHippie]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 
When you know you have to do it all yourself there is no chance of being let down.

So true!

My exH was completely useless at night too.  Especially on the nights he would go out with his friends.  He would come home and pass out leaving me wanting to smother him with a pillow.  It's not easy be a single mom when you're in a relationship!

[JoEngland]

Originally Posted by SuburbanHippie 
 

It's not easy be a single mom when you're in a relationship!

This should be immortalized somewhere! I have a feeling my DH is going to be the same way. He's been a little short with me when I ask for help right now since I'm so huge. I can't imagine what it's going to be like after the baby comes ...

[Narleegates]

If my DH was here, we would be in exactly the same boat, it's just our personalities!

this was one of the positives I put on our list when we found out my DH wouldn't be home until baby is 4 months old, I told him, "this way, you can't get frustrated at a lack of attention from me, and I can't get angry that you're not helping as much as I feel like you should"

[lovelylisa]

I got into an argument with my husband a few weeks ago. He had been sleeping after I tried to wake him up several times because I literally couldn't get out of bed (stupid c/s). He told me he was tired and he had to go to work (that he was being laid off from in a few days lol) Right. I cursed him out like 398245 times in my head, then I told him that for the next few months, being tired is just not a valid excuse anymore. Everyone is tired. So let's not complain anymore about that and suck it up.

I wish I had advise for you except to not murder your SO.  As much as you want to, that's just one more thing, and you should totally sleep when the baby sleeps, right?

[HidaShara]

I learned the first time around that my DH is useless at these things! Problem is he has no notion of how much work there is to do, or that I do.  He thinks he's helping, bless his heart, though he's actually doing the bare minimum.  He spent all weekend playing video games and complaining about how tired he is (he's only getting 7h of sleep at night - awww, muffin! ) and when I made some joke about him doing nothing, he was totally offended because he'd "done the dishes".  Three days home and he'd managed to do the dishes once.  GOLF CLAP, buddy.

Rather than risk ripping his heart out and eating it, I just arranged for someone who is ACTUALLY useful (like my mother, sister, or friends) to be here for the first few weeks.  If *they* want to hound DH to do more, good on them.  I don't feel like making myself crazy over a fight I know can't be won.

[Gismobabe]

Oh my, I am sorry! When the baby is a bit older, pump and let her do the feeding for one or two nights and sleep!

She might find out how hard it is, then and what tired really means.

My DH is very helpful so I have no complaints about him but I think it is because he had to do it all alone sometimes (weekends when I am gone, days when I work) so he knows how much work it is and we both joke that we go to work for relaxation.

And my therapist once said that SO can only do as much as the mom expects him/her to do. So, ladies, put them to work for you!

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Gismobabe 

When the baby is a bit older, pump and let her do the feeding for one or two nights and sleep!

She might find out how hard it is, then and what tired really means.

I totally agree with putting SOs to work. They should be doing their share. I have to say that I disagree that pumping and giving baby a bottle is a good solution, though. There are plenty of other things SOs can do to care for baby and nursing mama. SOs can make sure mama has water every time she nurses. They can have bathing duty every day. They can do nighttime diaper changes.

When my dh and I had our first together, I gave him very specific jobs. He was very willing to do whatever I asked but would have had no idea if I hadn't told him.