"I hope I didn't offend you" - Page 2

[Disco Infiltrator]

I think I would steer clear entirely, except that she has opened up the dialogue just a little bit.  I would just email her back and say "yes, I don't feel spanking is an appropriate form of discipline but it's not illegal and you're right that people parent differently.  If you're interested in hearing why I've made the decision to not spank, I'm more than happy to share," and leave the ball in her court.  I hope she would want to enter into conversation and it would be great if this interaction ends up influencing her parenting, or at least makes her think twice before resorting to spanking.  

[transylvania_mom]

I would reply: it's not me you should worry about.

[NiteNicole]

Originally Posted by farmwife 

I need help in how to respond in this situation.  I was working in our church nursery this morning.  A mom brought in her boy who isn't yet 2 years old.  Before she left he was playing a threw a toy.  Not at anyone, just playing.  She spanked him 3 times and put him in the corner.  After she explained what he did wrong she left.  Now tonight I get a facebook message saying "I hope I didn't offend you.  I know you don't spank.  We all have different parenting styles."  I feel like I need to at least acknowledge I got the message, but I don't want her to think I'm fine with kids getting hit.  What would you do?

"No, I don't like spanking.  I am looking into the official discipline policy for the nursery and will get back to you.  It was very upsetting for a lot of the other children present, and some of the adults.  I know we all parent differently but I think we need some guidelines for how we parents when we share the same space."  It's direct and non-confrontational, and  there needs to be an official way of dealing with discipline in a nursery with a mixed group of children and adults.

If this is fairly common in your church, you might want to rally some people to have a workshop about Gentle Christian Parenting (or I think there's something else called Grace Based Parenting.  Personally, I'm a fan of Get Off Your Butt Parenting, but you probably need something with a Christian slant). 

[ameliabedelia]

"yes, I don't feel spanking is an appropriate form of discipline but it's not illegal and you're right that people parent differently.  If you're interested in hearing why I've made the decision to not spank, I'm more than happy to share,"

  This is the best response, I have read so far.  I think it acknowledges the situation, affirms that yes, different people do parent differently leaves the ball in her court if she is willing to look at other methods of discipline.  

[SpottedFoxx]

holothuroidea is now my official new crush :)  I couldn't agree more but yes, the other responses are probably the better way to go. 

<~~~also a snarky bossypants.  
 

Originally Posted by holothuroidea 

I would reply, "Abuse is not a parenting style." 

or "I was not offended, I was appalled. But don't worry, I won't spank you for it."

or, "We are all trying our best. I'm sorry that you have to resort to abuse, maybe some day you will grow out of it."

but I'm a snarky little bossypants with no friends so I wouldn't take my advice. 

[hakeber]

You've gotten some good answers here.  I would add that you can be direct without being aggressive or threatening (despite the fact that she did not afford that to her child.)

I  would just  say "I really was taken aback so I appreciate your apology.  If you're interested in learning about how to raise your kids without spanking give me a call.  I have lots of great resources that have made things so much easier for us. Thanks!"  

I don't think she would have taken the time to apologize if she wasn't interested in what you do and how.

[Imakcerka]

Oh wow, she acknowledged that her style was different than yours... maybe she did it on purpose?  I know that sounds crazy but some people will do things that they know are against others beliefs as a way to make a point. 

The expression spare the rod spoil the child is ridiculous.  A sheppard does not hit his sheep with a staff, he guides them.  Throw that one at her.

[SpottedFoxx]

Fantastic idea!
 

Originally Posted by hakeber 

You've gotten some good answers here.  I would add that you can be direct without being aggressive or threatening (despite the fact that she did not afford that to her child.)

I  would just  say "I really was taken aback so I appreciate your apology.  If you're interested in learning about how to raise your kids without spanking give me a call.  I have lots of great resources that have made things so much easier for us. Thanks!"  

I don't think she would have taken the time to apologize if she wasn't interested in what you do and how.

[Mizelenius]

I am really glad she wrote you that message.  Means she thought about it AND means she is aware you do not hit.

While I would be tempted to say something, I think the approach others suggested of, "If you are interested in hearing why we don't . . ." is best.  Things get so misconstrued in e-mail.  You have a chance to build a relationship with her-- she is opening the door, and this would be far more meaningful.

That being said, it would be extremely tricky to be with her while she is in the act of spanking.

[Super Pickle]

I agree with weliveintheforest's suggestion: "Thank you; see you Sunday." I might add something like, "I hope you weren't worried that I was mad at your DS for throwing the toy, or that I thought he was out of control. Don't worry; I know toddlers throw things, and he was obviously not trying to hit anyone, so I didn't think anything of it."   This is a way of pointing out that her child really didn't do anything wrong that warranted punishment. You are also extending understanding and maybe opening the door for future conversations. I know that I tend to overreact more when I feel embarrassed.