Anyone else bummed out by *not* being pregnant anymore?

[tourist.]

Sorry to the mamas that are still waiting for their LO's to arrive. :-)

This happened to me after I had my DS1, but I had the baby blues pretty bad that time and everything would make me cry.  Happy crying, sad crying, I was just a mess for nearly two weeks.  This time I'm doing awesome.  I feel great, my new little family is doing fantastic, my new son is totally rad and easy, my 2.5 yo is being great, DH is being super helpful and feeding me and cooking and shopping...But when I think about being pregnant I miss it so much.

Seriously, it's not cool.  This was my last pregnancy, logistically and financially it is what is best for our family and our lifestyle.  Emotionally though, I would LOVE to have more.  I was sorting laundry at 4 days pp and I was bawling as I would pick up each piece of clothing that I had worn only days before as a pregnant woman.  Then a few days later I needed some clothes hangers and decided to pull down some maternity shirts that I wouldn't need again and that made me cry.  Looking at my awesome maternity photos - can't even do it.  I am grieving the fact that my last pregnancy has come to an end and it is incredibly heartbreaking.  

I love being pregnant so much, there is nothing like it.  Sure, I was uncomfortable, but it is such an amazing honor to grow these little people.  Everyone could see how much I loved it.  At work I constantly got told "Pregnancy suits you!" or "You should be pregnant all the time!"  Literally, every day someone would recognize the pure radiant happiness that I felt as a pregnant person.  Someone at work mentioned that the only thing she loved about being being pregnant was all the attention, and I honestly don't think that's it with me.  Sure it's nice, but I would be just as happy to spend my days at home with my family and enjoy the bump by myself, just me and the baby.  

Am I totally nuts?  I can vividly remember the pain of this birth and I would gladly go through that again for another chance to be pregnant.  Sorry for the whiny post...Just hoping I'm not alone with the love of the baby bump.  

[lovelylisa]

No you're not nuts at all. I think your reasons are so wonderful and  touching and I kind of envy you because I wanted to feel the same way. I really miss being pregnant too (I'm almost 6 weeks pp) but for very different reasons. My first pregnancy was unplanned and I was so shocked that I don't know that I ever took the time to embrace what I was experiencing. This time I was determined to enjoy every minute. But then life and my awful job got in the way, and while I felt much better about being pregnant this time, I kind of put off my enjoyment. I had planned to leave my job early and spend the last few weeks of my pregnancy happy, super pregnant and spending as much time as I could with my son. Then a month before my due date I got blindsided with the c/s, and  as much as I tried to remain positive about it... it really hurt (hurts, still. actually. a lot. ) I miss being pregnant because I never fully enjoyed it, and I put it off until later, and then later never happened.

We had said that were were only going to have two kids, so I think that upset me even more. But my husband and I have talked about it and decided that we may try again. Even if we don't, I like to know that we can, it's not off the table... and that makes me feel a little bit better. Now though, I am so crazed and sleep deprived that I don't let myself think about it that much. So that helps too, lol

I actually have not said this to anyone and it helps me feel better to get it off my chest :)

[Gismobabe]

I have had the same feelings you describe and in my case being 37 I also am grieving the fact that my time to have babies is (almost) over. But then I had serious sadness after Jake and even after Noah, each time thinking that this will be my last - and it wasn't for various reasons. A medium even told me she saw no babies in my future after Noah (on MDC) and I still had Teo.

Do not assume this will be your last for sure because things change, situations change and you might have more or be totally glad not to have more in a few months....

Edited by Gismobabe - 7/25/11 at 9:32am

[greenmama66]

I have sadness that at my age (45) I probably just had my last one but am cool with it cause I had what was for me an ideal birth and pregnancy and I have enough children (6) LOL so I am happy to just enjoy all my blessings and can fondly remember each of my fantastic pregnancies and births.

[tourist.]

Originally Posted by Gismobabe 

Do not assume this will be your last for sure because things change, situations change and you might have more or be totally glad not to have more in a few months....

That's kind of what I'm hoping for...That our situation will change and the option for another child will present itself.  Our situation though is heavily colored by the fact that we started out with the intention of having no children, then I got all biological clocky and we decided to have one, and my husband preferred to not have an only child, so here we are with two.  I would feel incredibly guilty to try to get another when my DH would have been perfectly content with none.  And you're right...In a few months I probably won't have a tiny interest in having more than two children.  An infant and a 3 year old, I'm going to have my hands full to say the least.  But who knows what the future holds...I guess all I can do is go with it and wait and see what life has in store as sad as that may be.  

Originally Posted by lovelylisa 

We had said that were were only going to have two kids, so I think that upset me even more. But my husband and I have talked about it and decided that we may try again. Even if we don't, I like to know that we can, it's not off the table... and that makes me feel a little bit better. Now though, I am so crazed and sleep deprived that I don't let myself think about it that much. So that helps too, lol

I actually have not said this to anyone and it helps me feel better to get it off my chest :)

That's really really cool.  I honestly don't think that I could handle knowing that there was any potential for more.  For me it's all or nothing, I would totally take a maybe and make it a yes.  :-)  I'm glad that it helped you feel better to type out your feelings.  It made me feel better as well. 

@greenmama - Ah to have the pleasure to be pregnant 6 times!  You lucky lady.  Not sure I could manage 6 kids though, that is always way impressive to me.  

While I was having the laundry sorting meltdown, my DH was trying to make me laugh by telling my DS1 that "We're going to have to get your mom a belly implant so she can be "pregnant" all the time."  It did make me laugh between the tears. 

[SuburbanHippie]

Originally Posted by tourist. 

Seriously, it's not cool.  This was my last pregnancy, logistically and financially it is what is best for our family and our lifestyle.  Emotionally though, I would LOVE to have more.  I was sorting laundry at 4 days pp and I was bawling as I would pick up each piece of clothing that I had worn only days before as a pregnant woman.  Then a few days later I needed some clothes hangers and decided to pull down some maternity shirts that I wouldn't need again and that made me cry.  Looking at my awesome maternity photos - can't even do it.  I am grieving the fact that my last pregnancy has come to an end and it is incredibly heartbreaking.  

This paragraph made me cry.    I've been grieving as well.  I keep seeing my beautiful maternity dresses and want to sob my eyes out.  I just don't want this "chapter" of my life to be over.  What is ironic is I didn't even want to get pregnant this time in the first place.  I was done with #4.  I spent a lot of this pregnancy being totally unexcited about it instead of relishing every moment.  I pushed DH into getting a vasectomy next month even though I know he wants another baby.  My body just did so poorly with this last pregnancy that I am almost afraid of having another.  I still want another though.  But will I ever feel done again I wonder...

[tourist.]

Originally Posted by SuburbanHippie 

This paragraph made me cry.    I've been grieving as well.  I keep seeing my beautiful maternity dresses and want to sob my eyes out.  I just don't want this "chapter" of my life to be over.  What is ironic is I didn't even want to get pregnant this time in the first place.  I was done with #4.  I spent a lot of this pregnancy being totally unexcited about it instead of relishing every moment.  I pushed DH into getting a vasectomy next month even though I know he wants another baby.  My body just did so poorly with this last pregnancy that I am almost afraid of having another.  I still want another though.  But will I ever feel done again I wonder...

Awww.  I'm sorry sweetie.  

I hope we can all eventually be at peace with the course our lives may go.  Easier said than done though, for sure.

I have a really beautiful quote on my Google Talk account that says:  "Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

lol Typing that just made me cry.  Grr!  I really breaks my heart.  I did relish every second of it.  I kept telling myself that I needed to really be in the moment and love every bit of every second of the pregnancy - and I did.  No matter how much I reminded myself that I had to come to terms with concluding my days as a pregnant woman - it didn't make any difference to how heartbroken I feel now.  Ugh, I feel like such a whiny cry baby!  I really wish I didn't feel like this, it sucks.  I don't want to want another baby, but I very badly do (I mean, in the future at some point).  Hopefully it's just stupid hormones and after time and living with two sons this feeling will fade.  

[tourist.]

Originally Posted by tourist. 

I have a really beautiful quote on my Google Talk account that says:  "Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

Ahh quoting myself - that's just a little weird.    

I just wanted to update that DH threw me a nice curve ball the other day.  So my status was that Dr Seuss quote for like a week, and suddenly my DH changed his status from "Baby Time is Now!" to "what you want...is not over."  This was the night after I had a meltdown on the way to an appointment and I explained to him, as well as I could, why I was sad about not being pregnant anymore.  It was surprisingly hard to put into words.  So with his status, I didn't want to jump to conclusions that he was implying that he wouldn't be against more children, but it still made me feel silly asking him:  What does your gmail status mean?  We're kinda silly like that.  Anyway, he confirmed that he was talking to me, and that we can have more kids and if we're going to be broke we may as well be super broke.  Nice logic huh?  I started to cry and said that two kids is perfect and I don't want more than two and blah blah. Well, so now I kind of feel better, although my maternity clothes still just kill me to look at.  I didn't realize that I had so much emotional attachment to them, it's very weird.  So, I guess I'm in the same boat as lovelylisa now.  I'm going to try to not obsess over the fact that a third is really an option, I'm just going to go with it and see what happens.  I honestly don't know that more than two kids is what I really really need, but it's nice to know that I can change my mind if I want.  

[lovelylisa]

Ooooh that's so sweet. I like how it was  a gmail status too, kind of makes it even sweeter actually :)

I'm happy for you, and I'm glad the option is still there. It's kind of comforting, isn't it?

[guatemama1]

Originally Posted by tourist. 

and if we're going to be broke we may as well be super broke. 

Your DH's "logic" totally made my day. That's kinda how I roll, too. Nice :)

[SuburbanHippie]

I would rather be broke financially and rich with love than the opposite.

[tourist.]

Thanks ladies for contributing your thought and feelings.   You are all totally awesome and make me so happy.  

I am continuing to feel sad about it, but now I can quickly remind myself whenever sadness strikes that now it is in my control.  It is up to me to chose what is right for me (and my family) when the time comes which feels so much better than before when I was looking at a closed door and locked door.