My husband and I cannot reach an Agreement! help. :( - Page 2

[mare54]

I actually watched a circ on youtube, where the husband was right there and watched the procedure and actually told the baby to "be a man"..... it was shocking!

[nia82]

Originally Posted by mare54 

I actually watched a circ on youtube, where the husband was right there and watched the procedure and actually told the baby to "be a man"..... it was shocking!

Speechless.

OP: My DH wanted it done badly at first, but soon realized how rabidly opposed I was to this, and listened to my reasons and agreed, reluctantly, to leave DS intact. Now that he is nearly 3 years old, it's such a non-issue. He just got used to an intact boy and wouldn't even suggest to circ future boys and now agrees that it's the owner's decision, not the parents'.

[mare54]

You are lucky to have succeeded and spared your son.....did you know that the highest incidence of sexual  dysfunction in men (and that is only what is reported...) is with men born between 1945 and 1965, when circumcision was at it's all time high of 80%?  It's not hard to link this to the un necessary altering of the natural penis (and the super popularity of sexual dysfunction drugs on the market today).  Yes, Nature knows what it's doing, and it is the ignorance of people that mess with it that is so unfortunate.  Hopefully with more awareness, this barbaric procedure will be a thing of the past.  I have to wonder how many men would be so in favor of doing this to their baby sons if they knew that in their forties or fifties, they were going to be having these kinds of problems????

[T-man's Mama]

Sorry, I didn't mean to give this a thumbs up -- I was just going to comment on how AWFUL that is!!

Seriously, denial knows no bounds!!!

Originally Posted by mare54 

I actually watched a circ on youtube, where the husband was right there and watched the procedure and actually told the baby to "be a man"..... it was shocking!

[Natashaj]

EEEK I just came back to read the Advice to allow the circumcision to happen if my husband is the one to go into the Dr's appointment. That would have been horrible for me, seeing as early on in the debate my husband offered to take our son in to do the procedure. I even had him watch a video of the actual "procedure" he said he could handle it and he would if I didn't want to go in with him. 

Anyway I'm happy to report that he's on my side although perhaps a little reluctantly. He is willing to keep our son intact and I really believe that eventually he will be glad he made that decision. Thanks again to everyone with their support and words of advice! 

[HeckedyPeg]

My husband was very upset when I changed my mind (he's Jewish so it's a many layered issue for us) ... The only reason I kind of "won" this argument was telling him DS can always get it done in the future if HE wants it, but it can never be undone. Any decision in our family that is permanent and irreversible must have 100% agreement between us, so in this case we are not doing it because it's the thing that can never be reversed. 

Good luck ... 

[calngavinsmom]

Originally Posted by Natashaj .

Anyway I'm happy to report that he's on my side although perhaps a little reluctantly. He is willing to keep our son intact and I really believe that eventually he will be glad he made that decision. Thanks again to everyone with their support and words of advice! 

Glad to hear this :)  My dh agreed to keeping our babe intact, although I found out after the fact, he really wasn't comfortable with it.  It was purely fear of the unknown though.  We now have two intact sons, 9 and 6 and my dh is now very happy with our decision and is vehemently opposed to circumcision .  He isn't as passionate about it as I am, but will still put in two cents if asked

[Quirky]

My husband had no real issue leaving our son intact, but I did make the mistake of really preaching at him about the evils of circ because I not only wanted him to agree not to circ I wanted him to realize how WRONG AND EVIL it is. That was a big mistake on my part, both because of the way my husband is (really doesn't like to be preached at) and because I wasn't sensitive enough to his feelings about his own body, about his parents' decision to circ him (1967, wasn't an option to stay intact in the Northeast at that time really), about family members who are good parents and good people who made the decision to circ out of ignorance. It came up in a therapy session once that he felt very wounded and attacked in that my hatred of circ must mean that I think his body is defective. Which, although I have to admit, I really wish he were intact or would consider restoration.....I can totally understand how that was very painful and not a message I should ever have communicated to him intentionally or not.

I have been really impressed with his ability to advocate in his own way for intactness -- including tackling his brother, with whom he's not close, but he was willing to try (we lost on two boys there but I was so proud of my dh for trying).

But I agree -- take the victory and be quiet about it. Talk to us here -- this is a great place to process emotions about circumcision in a way that won't hurt your partner. Let him just see and come to understand how the intact penis is normal -- and be prepared that he might have some issues to work through if he can get to that place of grieving, or he might never want to talk about it again. It's OK -- you and your son won the battle and the war, and you have plenty of fellow travelers here.

[mare54]

I think I may have made the same mistake (preaching) about the detrimental effects of circumcision, because I felt powerless again when my daughter and her husband circumcised our baby grand son just 6 weeks ago.  It just brought it all up again, and this time we were experiencing some "after effects" of my husbands own circ done in 1952 (they just lied to the moms then and thought it was just okay).... and I was connecting all the dots about it and reading  (Sex, The Way Nature Intended It) (and a great book every man and woman should read), and I think he started to feel defective and that made things even worse.  He is a wonderful man and he never wanted to talk about being circumcised as a baby, and really thinks it is a terrible thing to do to a baby boy. I, on the other hand, got in touch with NOCIRC, did a bunch of internet research, read all about NORM.... and was convinced his problems were circumcision related.  What I really wanted him to do was restore, but he doesn't seem to want to talk about that right now.  In the meantime, I learned about something called "Manhood" on the NORM site.  Its a soft little "jacket" that a man wears to protect his penis and it is mentioned on NORM, so he agreed to try it.  Men claim it makes them feel better protected and that it can restore sensitivity to the glans in older men who were circumcised.  But even younger men are using them too.  It has been two weeks now, and I am optimistic.  He says he is getting used to wearing his little jacket, and that he thinks there is improved sensitivity already.  (It also helps that I give him a treatment twice a day on his penis with olive oil before he puts his "jacket" on!)... of course, he is also loving all the special attention his little friend is getting too.  I tell him that even though someone thoughtlessly did this terrible thing to him, I am going to give him the special attention that he deserves.  I think he is loving it, but wouldn't be real happy that I told all of you this!  Thats okay, you don't know me or him!  I am committed to participating in ending this human rights violation that is so clear in whatever way I can.

[Acksiom]

I'll start working on a Letter to a Surprised Father to complement this:  http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/157594/letter-to-a-regretful-mother .

Um, don't expect anything too soon, though.  It's going to be a lot harder and more complicated, because I have to explain a lot more in ways that won't trigger their defenses.  We've forced men to internalize their dehumanization so much and so badly that they consider their everyday default abusive victimization as something to not only be proud about and embrace for themselves but for their sons as well.

[Kanna]

I've never understood why circumcision is so wide-spread in the US. Except for religious or medical reasons, it's totally unheard of here in Europe.

As for another argument you can tell your husband: I, as a woman, find circumcised penises less attractive than non-circumcised ones.

NOT circumsised penises are extremely sexy. They are smooth, neat and, if you don't mind my saying so,

possibly TMI - Do not click if easily offended by mention of doing naughty things (Click to show)

it's a lot of fun to play with the foreskin. You can slip you tongue underneath and back again. Repeatedly. And yes, you may quote this post to your husband. Tell him, he doesn't want his son to miss out on the fun (which *coughjacketcough* he might also learn to appreciate)

Edited by Kanna - 8/9/11 at 9:54am