Doc asked if my 9mo responds to "no"

[lkvosu]

Ds is 9 months and we went in for his check up this morning. While there, we got asked lots of developmental milestones questions like "is he sitting", "does he crawl", etc. The last question they asked me was "Does he know and respond to the word NO?" I told them that I honestly have no idea if I've ever even told him no. I mean, he's only 9 months old.  It's not like he can be "bad".  They (the doc and the nurse) seemed to think this was unusual, and possibly problematic.  I really like the doctor, and up until now she has never done anything to make me question her. She's been overall very supportive of our not so conventional approach to parenting - home birth, no circ, co sleeping, etc.  But, and I could just be being paranoid, that question doesn't seem relevant to his health or well being...or really even his development. He understands other words that we use a lot, like his name and Daddy.  I didn't think to ask this at the time, but I wonder why they asked about "no" instead of another word.  Was the "no" part important?

So, is this a typical question? Should I try to teach him "no"? Seems silly to me, but I thought I would run it by the well informed mothers here.

[LynnS6]

They ask about no because it's often an early word. And by 'respond' they mean 'react' not necessarily stop or quit doing something. As long as your baby responds to a couple words at this age, you're fine. There just aren't that many words that thousands of 9month ols might know, and 'no' is one of them. It is a screening question, nothing more.

It is relevant to development because it checks to see if his language skills are beginning to develop. Pediatricians ask a lot of those kinds of questions.

[midnightwriter]

I think it is a typical question to assess development. I remember being asked it with my kids, and I also remember being somewhat puzzled. I made a conscious effort to use positively worded messages with my kids. Instead of 'don't hit,' I'd say 'gentle touch', and so on. My kids heard the word 'no' probably much later than mainstream kids. The doctor is trying to assess whether your baby responds to you, and the 'no' question is probably the first that comes to mind. If you like your pedi and overall she is supportive, I'd just ignore and nod.

[CrunchyMama19]

I don't believe we have been asked that but I think they just want to know if they have any reaction at all to the word. FWIW, my 11 month old just looks at me, smiles and keeps on doing what she is doing, lol! At 9 months i don't think she responded at all but then again, we didn't have any reason to tell her no at that time either. I wouldn't worry about it.

[lkvosu]

Thanks for your input! I thought the same thing, but wanted to be sure.

Well, that was until I stumbled across this this morning....

At every well baby visit so far, they've given us a sheet with milestone information on it, how much formula they should be eating at the age they are now (don't even get me started on that...that's another thread), what kind of games they like, etc. I must admit that I usually never do more than glance at them, but as I was eating breakfast this morning it happened to be on  the kitchen table. It says "At this age, babies should learn what "no" means. Say "no" calmly but firmly and either take away the item that your baby should not have or remove him from the situation, If your child continues to do what you told him not to, you can put your baby in a playpen for 1 minute without a toy or attention from you. It is a good idea to be both gentle and firmly in control." <---emphasis mine

I don't even know what to think of that! Keep in mind that this is specifically made for 9 month olds. To be fair, it wasn't written by my doctor (it looks like they print these off from some pediatric website) but it is obviously an endorsement of the idea if they hand it directly to patients.

Admittedly (and luckily), I live in an AP bubble, as I have a wonderful, large group of mom friends who think a lot alike. I don't often wander into the parenting world at large. Is this a common idea - that 9 mo babies need firm discipline? I'm a little freaked about it!

[BabySmurf]

Well, you know, by the time your baby is 5 months old, they are able to manipulate you, so obviously by 9 months time outs should be used to firmly discipline your child. 

my pedi handed out info at DS's six month appointment that recommended that i read "the unspoiled child" , and notes that by about 5 months old my child will begin  to manipulate me.  so yeah, i think that it might be pretty well accepted out there that babies should be disciplined. pretty strange.  no wonder why parents are always second guessing their choices!

i haven't really run into anyone who parents like that in my every day life though, which i am happy about.  i'm glad you mentioned the "no" thing though - i'll probably get this at nick's 9 month appt soon. 

[nia82]

Wow.... I remember handouts from DS's pedi but we switched to a FP after 6 months so I never got those gems...

[OkiMom]

Umm. Wow.. interesting handout.

When I told the doctor I don't even know if I used the word with them yet I was asked if they responded to me when I talked to them. Yes they did. If I asked them something I was sure to get some sort of response (example "do you want to get picked up" would get them holding their arms out to be picked up). They just want to see if the child is responding to you and understanding words from what the doctor told me.

[Greenlea]

Wow.  Time outs for 9 mths olds.  The baby wouldn't even know what was going on or why he/she was in a time out. 

The main thing I tell my 9mth old son no for is when he goes under the kitchen table to play with the outlet there.  But usually all I have to do is singsong his name and say no.  He looks at me with a big smile and comes crawling.  I doubt its because he knows he doing something wrong though, its probably more that I'm calling his name.

[dejagerw]

My doctor has those types of sheets too, but there not nearly as awful as telling me to put my baby in time out. I'm usually rolling my eyes at the part where they tell me my baby should be sleeping though the night without needing to feed. However, we also get these developmental questionnaires. One of the questions for a 9 month old is "Does you baby follow one simple command such as "come here", "give it to me" or "put it back" without using gestures? You answer yes, sometimes or not yet. So maybe that's what your doctor is trying to get at when he asks you if your LO responds to "no".

[Hannah32]

So I guess your nine month can't crawl around and get into things they shouldn't be getting into? LOL, consider yourself lucky. Mine could and did. Lots of babies are mobile by that age, so it stands to reason that they are going to go for things that they shouldn't. 

Time outs would be useless though. But mine knew what no meant. It meant that he should turn, smile at mommy and then continue on his merry way. 

[waiting2bemommy]

Well in all fairness, we do tell our kids no, although at 9 months dd wasn't really hearing it applied to her, but to her brother and his playmates. But she did understand because just before she started walking (she walked at 10 months) I remember several times where she was cruising towards somethings dangerous/breakable and I called her name and said, "no! ouch!" and she pulled her hand back and started crying. I suppose you could attribute it to my tone of voice, too, but then I use that tone with ds all the time too, so it wasn't unfamiliar to her. But I do agree that the purpose of the question is essentially to measure receptive language skills. I have no problem removing a 9 month old from a dangerous or unacceptable activity like light sockets or a glass table or something, with a brief explanation. "That's hot, ouch! no touch!" or something like that. Dd learned to say, "no, no, no, ow!" and wave her little finger back and forth at forbidden things pretty early on. It was pretty cute and it's funny because she will want to touch something (like the toilet, we are reinventing our fascination with the toilet now that she is potty training) and go up to it and say, "ooh!!!" in a happy voice, and then continue sadly, "oh, no, no....." So she does understand, and it's not a free for all.....But I can't imagine putting my 9 month old in an actual time out where I ignored her for a set amount of time. I mean, even experts say 1 minute per year, so at 9 months that would be....a 45 second time out? That's just silly.

[lkvosu]

Ds definitely crawls and gets into everything! It's not that I'm necessarily opposed to telling a 9 month old, it's just that I haven't...or at least I don't remember if I have. I guess I don't use "no" precisely because I don't think he would respond to it. Seems like I would be wasting my breath, kwim? I typically just scoop him up or redirect him if he's doing something I don't want him to do. I realize my posts may have made it sound like I have a holier than thou attitutude about telling children "no". That is not the case at all. It just seemed odd to me that it would be a priority of the doctor to find out if he understands it. That seems more appropriate or applicable to, say, a one year old. I get that she was probably just gauging his language development, and "no" is a common enough word that they figure most babies would be familiar with it by 9 months.

The part about the time out just seems outrageous to me! I got to thinking that maybe that tidbit was about giving parents an alternative to spanking, Like instead of being a suggestion to all parents to use that method of discipline, it was supposed to offer an alternative to parents who might, very inappropriately and very dangerously, use physical discipline on a child that young. That is what I am going to tell myself anyway, because, aside from this, she is a fabulous pediatrician.

Thanks for the feedback!

[octobermom]

 Ive been telling my DD no for quite a while now. 9 months we deffiently were. Saying no doesn't equal I think your a bad baby. ITs also pointless to just say no and expect them to suddenly drop what ever and "obey" we say no or what ever form (uh oh not for baby opps ect) and back it up with gentle action... Momma moving you to a safe place, lets choose adiffrent toy then that knife  etc.. Do they react like another poster simpily means (or should) if there some kinda response.. (they smile and countinue is still a response).. Pushiment at 9 months umm no..

Deanna

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by lkvosu 

Thanks for your input! I thought the same thing, but wanted to be sure.

Well, that was until I stumbled across this this morning....

At every well baby visit so far, they've given us a sheet with milestone information on it, how much formula they should be eating at the age they are now (don't even get me started on that...that's another thread), what kind of games they like, etc. I must admit that I usually never do more than glance at them, but as I was eating breakfast this morning it happened to be on  the kitchen table. It says "At this age, babies should learn what "no" means. Say "no" calmly but firmly and either take away the item that your baby should not have or remove him from the situation, If your child continues to do what you told him not to, you can put your baby in a playpen for 1 minute without a toy or attention from you. It is a good idea to be both gentle and firmly in control." <---emphasis mine

I don't even know what to think of that! Keep in mind that this is specifically made for 9 month olds. To be fair, it wasn't written by my doctor (it looks like they print these off from some pediatric website) but it is obviously an endorsement of the idea if they hand it directly to patients.

Admittedly (and luckily), I live in an AP bubble, as I have a wonderful, large group of mom friends who think a lot alike. I don't often wander into the parenting world at large. Is this a common idea - that 9 mo babies need firm discipline? I'm a little freaked about it!

This is so weird to me.  Our doctor actually told us not to use no too often.  She said if we use it too often the kid's will stop listening to it and then not respond when it's a big no (like running in the street or something).

[sunwise]

Originally Posted by Honey693 

This is so weird to me.  Our doctor actually told us not to use no too often.  She said if we use it too often the kid's will stop listening to it and then not respond when it's a big no (like running in the street or something).

Same experience for us with our ped. She called it something like an "inverted pyramid" - we should mostly be giving DS positive reinforcement, and saving the negative comments for the few occasions when they are really necessary. But I do say "no" if needed, like if DS wants to play with a power outlet or pull over his diaper pail or stuff like that.

[lkvosu]

Originally Posted by sunwise 

Same experience for us with our ped. She called it something like an "inverted pyramid" - we should mostly be giving DS positive reinforcement, and saving the negative comments for the few occasions when they are really necessary. But I do say "no" if needed, like if DS wants to play with a power outlet or pull over his diaper pail or stuff like that.

ITA