Please help a frustrated newbie

[nickymac]

Hi everyone, I've joined your group hoping for advice from like-minded moms. My son is 22 months old and we're having some BFing issues.

First, BFing is honestly my greatest accomplishment. I had huge supply issues and fought for four months, working with a private LC, to be able to EBF. I absolutely adore it and so does my LO. I have almost never restricted his access and frankly I'm concerned I'm paying for it now. We co-sleep, which was fundamental in establishing my supply with the help of drugs and herbs.

My issue is my son's continued frequency with nursing. He has never STTN and rarely sleeps longer than three to four hours. Often he will spend hours at night suckling, going from one breast to the other. I an beyond exhausted and am starting to resent something I used to love. I also am trying to get pregnant and am worried about the impact. I just got my period back last month, however he has increased his BFing so much again, I'm worried it could impact my fertility.

I want to let him self-wean, but I feel I must cut back. At this point, he asks for boobie the moment I come home from work, again after dinner and at bedtime. And then feeds anywhere from three to more times a night, often cluster feeding for two hours in the morning. On weekends he asks to BF through out the day, but can be distracted.

I have tried to have him sleep with my DH, but that leads to hours of crying. My husband also leaves the house at 5 a.m., so I have to take over. I can't bear the crying and often give in. He also claws at my chest, I have the marks to prove it. I hate taking away his comfort and still do enjoy the bond at the best times so find it hard to commit to harsh weaning techniques.

I have just read a book on weaning which notes some cultures use aversion for weaning. Tonight I put lime juice on my nipples and my son didn't like the taste, but just thought it was funny and stopped. There were no tears at all.  I'm wondering if this is an approach I should try to cut the night feeding. Has anyone done this?

I would appreciate any offers of help. We really need to get some more sleep around here.

Thanks!

[nickymac]

Ok 200 views and no replies...not good. Guess I don't understand this forum yet. I'll try LLLC for help.

[weliveintheforest]

It's possible you did not get any responses because there is no easy answer to this!  

I would look at some resources for night weaning, there are many, many threads on that here.  Even if you do night wean he still may wake up often at

night, which is something to consider.  When he is sleeping with your dh, can he be distracted with a water bottle? 

You might be able to address some of the reasons he could be waking up.  Does he nap late? Does he eat enough food in the evening?  Is he too warm or too cold?

Something else that comes to mind is that he might have to pee when he is waking up.  Even if you never practised EC I think the discomfort of a full bladder wakes some kids up, or makes them unsettled for a while until they finally pee.  I don't know what your thoughts are on potty learning/EC but maybe taking him to pee would help.  It's a hassle for you to fully wake up, but if you wake up and then get some quality sleep it might work out better than what you are getting now.

[azdesertrn]

So, it sounds like you want to continue nursing, but with more limits at night so you can get more sleep?

I have a 3 yr old that still night nurses but we are setting more limits.  What works for us: 1) offer more daytime/evening nursing.  My DD nurses more at night when we have been busy during the day so she didn't get as much "nummy time"  Maybe try not to limit/distract on the weekend?  2) I offer water if she is going back and forth from breast to breast during the night- this usually means she is thirsty and will accept a sippy of water and then nurse to sleep in about 30 seconds once her thirst is satisfied.  3) I move her so she is not touching me once she falls asleep, we have a twin bed pushed up against our king size bed.  She tends to sleep longer not touching me, but can easily crawl over to my bed when she wakes up.  4) if DD has nursed more than once during the night, I tell her "the nummies are resting so they can make more milk" and that she can nurse again when the sun comes up.  She will usually accept this now with a brief whine, when she was younger she would get hysterical and was clearly not ready to night wean.

My DD loves lime juice so that would never work for us LOL.  DD (age 3) will sometimes sleep through the night - but she didn't ever do that until she was about 2 1/2.  Her sleep did get much better once her 2 years molars were in, so hang in there.

I hope you find something that works for you.

[crunchy_mommy]

Are you looking to wean altogether, or just at night? (This forum isn't about mother-led weaning so if you want advice on that you are better off posting in Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy to get advice on totally weaning.) But if you are looking for somewhere to talk about setting more limits while you continue nursing, then maybe we can help, although I think some people here believe in not limiting nursing at all?? I'm not sure. But that wasn't sustainable for me, though I'd still like to let DS nurse until whatever age he wants/needs to.

Have you read Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning plan? This might be a place to start. I didn't exactly follow that plan but I did use it as inspiration when we were working on partial night-weaning. A lot of moms have used his plan successfully. Our "rule" now is that DS can nurse when the sun comes up. If that timing doesn't work for you, you could use a nightlight on a timer or something, to indicate when he can nurse again. DS responded really well to this rule (not that he wouldn't still prefer to nurse all night if he could!)

One thing I want to mention about nightweaning is that for us, it was much easier to wait until DS cut back a bit on his own. This happened just after he turned 2... I guess for me, I felt like I needed DS to show me that he could sleep longer stretches before encouraging him to do that consistently, if that makes sense. And if they are going through a growth spurt/teething/illness/etc. you are best off waiting 'til it passes IMO.

Another thing I found (and this may be related to night-peeing like the previous poster mentioned) is that DS slept longer stretches when he didn't nurse to sleep. I tried to get his last nursing session in about an hour or two before bedtime and give him a snack of actual food before bed. It was harder to get him to sleep without nursing, but worth it because he slept better and required less effort in the middle of the night when I'm just not alert enough to deal with it.

I don't know about the lime juice (although my DS loves lime juice so he'd probably think that was cool lol!) It seems kind of... mean, I guess... if your DS doesn't like it. And it sounds like something that could lead him to totally wean (although maybe that's what you intended?) Either way, it just seems like an unpleasant way for nursing to end... I would lean more toward replacing nursing with other wonderful things for your DS -- maybe cuddles, time reading his favorite book, rocking, singing, basically other forms of closeness & comfort... I don't know, I just wouldn't feel comfortable about the lime juice.

[boondocks]

I just found this forum yesterday and liked a lot of the ideas expressed.  Could your son be hungry, thirsty, or eating sugary snacks before bed?  These things will make our LO nurse more actively than usual.  Good bedtime snacks for her include something with protein and fat like cheese, cottage cheese (not the low fat stuff), or sometimes peanut butter on toast with milk. Not much advice here on weaning since she is our only child and still nursing at 16 months.

[happymommy1]

I can say that part of the issue for the child is probably wanting mommy tiem and that close bond..it is comforting. I understand your concerns. what if you use an ovulation kit and see if u r ovulating or not over the next month or so?

[Asiago]

I am not sure if you've read this article, it's a popular one, but maybe it will be helpful in some way:

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

Good luck 

[bandyr]

I would definitely try to puzzle out why he's nursing more at night. Lots of possibilities suggested already.  One approach is to offer more during the day.  Night time might just be a chance for making up lost opportunities during the day.  Babies and toddlers may still need more during the day but we're busy or, more often, they are!  Another thought mind be developmental acquisitions.  Always makes for more night nursing around here!  Also, watching diet could provide a clue.  We had a very avid night nurser, finding out later that he has food and environmental allergies.  Sleep is much better off wheat!  

More BF could impact your fertility.  Progesterone levels definitely seem sensitive to prolactin.  If you've started OV, it's difficult to suppress it again with BF.  But, maintaining a pregnancy could be harder with lower progesterone.  

SAHM to three homebirth nurslings