Looking over for me UPDATE

[8inTulgeyWood]

I just started bleeding tonight.  I am so sad.  If it was just blood I would be hanging on to hope, but it is thick, dark blood with clots and I checked my cervix and it is super soft, swollen and open.  I have never felt it like that, but it certainly isn't the firm, hard cervix I had a couple weeks ago.  

What bites is I know this baby has been growing.  In just the last couple days I got that sensation that you can feel your uterus when I lightly leaned against counters and such, and I had strong pregnancy symptoms all day.  Then tonight I felt a little gush and checked and saw blood.

I am upset and crying but know it hasn't even come close to really hitting me yet.  This is pregnancy number six and my first miscarriage.  I have been blessed, but boy does this hurt.  Really wishing I hadn't told so many people.  I was so excited and just felt so optimistic.  We have been car shopping, and planning the bedroom and baby shopping, and maternity shopping.  I want to scream!

[biffer]

Elisa I'm so sorry. 

[cameragirl]

I'm so sorry.

[Frenchie2]

I am so sorry.

[lilkat]

So sorry

[homebirthy]

I'm so sorry for you.  It hurts, I know.  Try some rescue remedy.   Hugs Hugs and more hugs.

[BirthFree]

Oh I'm so so sorry.  :(  Big gentle hugs Mama.

[cocoabean8]

I soooo sorry.  Big hugs to you.

[mamathomas]

I'm so sorry.  Sending comforting, healing thoughts your way.

[samuelsmom]

Hugs, mama. So sorry.

[sagewinna]

I'm so sorry. The pregnancy and birth loss forum have been so supportive to me through my losses, and it was healing and helpful for me to read other's stories, you might want to check it out.

[Brisen]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[freelancemom]

Hugs to you. It's never easy to lose a baby, no matter how early.

[8inTulgeyWood]

I was up most of the night crying and reading about miscarriage and spending time on the pregnancy and birth loss forum.  Thank you for all your support!

My bleeding stopped as suddenly as it started, but it was still worse than either of the other times I have bled in pregnancy, and this is the first time I passed clots.

It's still my cervix that has me the most concerned.  It feels so big and swollen and seems open at least on the lower end.  I thought the cervix stayed firm and hard during pregnancy, and read that an open cervix was a sure sign that miscarriage was inevitable, but I also read last night that the cervix goes from firm to swollen and soft (but closed) in early pregnancy.  This has me clinging to the slightest hope.  

Do any of you have any information on this?  Are any of you cervix checkers that can tell me what your experience is?  I feel like I am in denial, and just don't want to accept reality.  I feel like I am in complete disbelief to still be hanging on to hope.  On the other hand I feel it is over but know I need the confirmation to start healing and accepting it.

I am scheduled for an u/s tonight at six.  I will give you all an update.

[zubeldia]

So sorry, honey.

[8inTulgeyWood]

Just got home from the u/s.  

She found a heartbeat!    I am elated and exhausted.  She said placenta looks fine and she see's no indication on what caused the bleed.  Baby is measuring 8.5 weeks.  By my dates I will be 8 weeks tomorrow.  The heartrate was in the 130's which she said was fine but it seems a little slow.  I am just in shock.  I grieved all night and all day and this just feels so surreal.  Thanks for all the support and hugs!

[Jayto]

Wow, what amazing news! So happy to hear it.

[cygknit]

I am so happy for you. You don't know me, but I've read some of your posts and I'd have missed you!

[Motherto4]

Congrats! 

[Brisen]

Woot!  I'm glad everything is OK.