My nine month old baby screams every time I put him down!

[mom613]

My nine month old baby boy by nature is a happy self-soother, sucks his fingers, loves exploring and crawling around etc. Lately when I'm the only one around with him he throws a major fit if I put him down for even a moment (even with his toys around!) Unless there's other people and distractions around he just wants me to hold him! My motherly intuition tells me there isn't anything bothering him - because he's very content when I hold him - but I'm beginning to get very resentful towards his behavior as well as completely drained. I'm all into attachment parenting - I sleep with him, nurse on demand, wear him when I can etc.

But how much is too much? How do I set a gentle limit on him so he stops demanding so much of me? 

[CherryBombMama]

awww, im so feeling for you .... my 11m old is doing this right now, and my 2year old did it around the same age.

 i dont have any wise wisdom, but they wont do it forever. my toddler never lets me hold him anymore :( all i can say is baby wearing ALL DAY is what is saving me. its annoying, but hearing him scream is worse

[belltree]

Children go through phases, your child needs to feel secure and wants to see what is going on. I would just carry my child all day long at that age, and I still do now at 20months.

[holothuroidea]

My 9 month old is going through the same phase. I'm finding it very difficult because my first never had a phase like this. 

I don't think it's wise to impose a limit. You have limits naturally and as long as you are aware of your limits, your baby will be too. I hold the baby as much as she needs as long as I can meet that need without becoming resentful. When I reach my limit I feel really irritable. This is when I put the baby down and wait for the urge to hold her to come back, which is usually only a couple seconds, but feeling like I made the choice to pick her up makes all the difference in my mind! I've found that the more that I do this, the more tolerant I become of her overwhelming needs, just like exercise. As long as you listen to your body and allow some recovery time you can stretch your tolerance and become more and more capable. 

Our babies needs often trump our own but we are human and have limits and the right to respect those without feeling guilty. Babies need mommies, not martyrs.

[missbaby]

The joke at our house when mine was that age was that I was going to be carrying her until her feet drug the floor!  My oldest girl went from a relaxed, easy going baby to a clinging, screamy me-me in the blink of an eye and it took me completely by surprise.  I just popped her in her carrier in the morning after her breakfast and bath and where I went she went..for a while.  After she realized that I was not making any attempt to "escape" from her she started to want more independence from me! 

I think that if I had thrown down the gauntlet, we both would have been miserable. 

[holothuroidea]

Originally Posted by missbaby 

The joke at our house when mine was that age was that I was going to be carrying her until her feet drug the floor!  My oldest girl went from a relaxed, easy going baby to a clinging, screamy me-me in the blink of an eye and it took me completely by surprise.  I just popped her in her carrier in the morning after her breakfast and bath and where I went she went..for a while.  After she realized that I was not making any attempt to "escape" from her she started to want more independence from me! 

I think that if I had thrown down the gauntlet, we both would have been miserable. 

Well that is very good for you! Not everyone has that level of tolerance built in, some people (me!) need a lot of practice. I would have never had the chance to grow if I didn't allow myself my limits. KWIM? It is detrimental to impose limits outright, though, like to say "OK, I am overwhelmed so I am going to put you down for 5 minutes every hour" or something, because that also stops you from growing to the level of tolerance that the baby needs, because then you're not even giving yourself a chance. 

Am I making any sense?

[Disco Infiltrator]

A baby around 8 or 9 months can start to have separation anxiety.  It's their realization that they are sperate from you and that you could go away.  It's totally normal, does not require any limit setting whatsoever and it WILL END.  And babies will demand pretty much your heart and soul, at least it seems that way at times.  That will change as well, and they'll start moving out from you and into the world, maybe sooner, maybe later.  I found the first year really was me reaching the end of my rope over and over and over, but somehow I made it through.  If things don't ease up a little, maybe you could find a mothers helper to come hang out with you, or put your son in a carrier, but I honestly think he'll grow out of this phase and someday you'll be really sad that your boy doesn't want to be in your arms all of the time.  I also know it's not easy to see that when you're in the thick of things.  Hang in there.

[mom613]

Thanks for all the encouraging words. I think I need to adjust my expectations and realize that this too shall pass. Instead of thinking "I need to do this and that so I need to put him down" just take him along in a carrier throughout my day. I think all the points mentioned such as separation anxiety at this age and not wanting my baby to think I'm trying to "escape" from him - will really help put things into perspective (such as how it must feel to be so little and helpless and just wanting mama all day... completely normal for a baby!)

[missbaby]

You absolutely are making sense!  And if I came across as saying that it didn't require some practice or as my grandmother would say "doing" to get us through this difficult stage of development, let me clarify by saying that it did take some deep breathing and relaxation techniques on my part.  For me it was worth it.  I would much rather have been working towards a good end than punishing both of us to possibly extend the period of adjustment and/or make her even more unsure and needy.  This is just what worked for me. 

[sarahquinn]

my son is ten months and he is kind of coming out of this faze but not really lol. from what I can tell its simply seperation anxiety. even if your standing right there it still makes them nervous. they are at the age where they are starting to move around a bit and becoming more independant. but somtimes they still need home bas reasurance from mom.the clingyness can get overwelming... i know the feeling to well. but it won't last forever and before you know it he'll be dieing to get out of you are and run around. stay stong mama!