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Nov~Dec 2002 tots - Page 9

post #161 of 548
My baby hits as well. She has her cousin around a lot, so they actually fight.... she hits and pushes, and he bites. It's very frustrating. It's nearly impossible to keep them apart all the time. We actually tried that a couple of times, to keep them apart, but they got all mad at us... My baby has had bruises from her cousin biting her.

I hope it will go away soon, I don't want to have a bully when she gets older. She will also hit other kids. We went to a LLL meeting, where she hit every kid, I think. Jees, that is frustrating. I try to tell her "don't hit", "be gentle", "that hurts", I frown at her sometimes after she hits, I remove her sometimes... nothing seems to work. Someone suggested to me that babies do that to get attention, even though it's negative attention.

Anyways, I've got a hitter here too. I'm glad I'm not alone.
post #162 of 548
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by hjohnson
DH and I are talking about adopting after this because there are children out there that need a home and family.
As much as I want more babies, too, DH and I feel the same way right now (only we do long term foster care, not adoption). There are so many crazy people out there having kids they can't take care of, so why not take care of them ourselves? I will definitely have one more someday, I'm just very nervous (and downright frightened) of having preterm labor again, only this time having a premie baby. I don't know if I could handle that, a baby in the NICU and a family at home needing me... Ick! OF course, I could get extremely lucky and have a perfect pregnancy, and then DH better look out 'cause I'll have a ton more!
post #163 of 548
So I was gone for 4 days and came back to 6 new pages! Boy do we ladies like to talk a lot! I decided to enjoy my naptime and read through it all before posting, and I did enjoy every post, but now my brain's a jumble of it all so I have nothing to post. I think I'll go snuggle with dd for the last 10 minutes of her nap.
Thanks for being here girls!
post #164 of 548
wow, i'm glad we are talking about hitting. Giovanni hit me and Gavin for the first time this past Monday. It was not in anger because we were all sitting together. Maybe it was partially my fault. I was showing him how I burp Gavin by patting him on his back. A few minutes later he hit Gavin on his head and me in my face. He was not aware that it was bad. So when he went to do it again I told him a firm No, not nice. I think he got it. At least I hope he did. He has not done it since. Good to hear that its not just me.
post #165 of 548
AVa is a hitter but not in a malicious way. I don't know maybe she likes the twacking sound or the way my flesh jiggles. SHe does it when she is happy, when she needs my attention and I am ignoring her (she is third, you'll understand when you get there :LOL I am not a bd mommy really, but i have two ears and three children,and don't multitask very well I am outnumbered sometimes) I ususally grab her hands and put her down.

KAH - I know the worry of having another preterm labor/hard pregnancy. I was paralized with fear while I was pregnant with #2. I counted down the days until iut was safe to deliver. I took a wonderful tour of a different NICU just to be prepared. the lady was more than happy to point out each baby, how old they were when they were born and what challenges they faced, what I could expect each step of the way etc. . . . .And then 35 weeks came and all systems were go and we waited and waited and waited and 7 weeks later we induced :

How are things with Julianna? You had mentioned a while back the the wheels were in motioin for her birth mother to start coming back into the picture.
post #166 of 548
Thread Starter 
lilyka: last I heard, Julianna's mom had violated probation somehow, and she is back in jail. No communication with Scoial Services on her part, so no visits anytime soon. Thanks for askin'!
post #167 of 548
I feel kinda bad that I am so happy about that. Julianna deserves the love that she recieves from you guys. I t would totally suck to pull her out of the only home she has ever know.
post #168 of 548
Thread Starter 
My sentiments exactly. We love her
post #169 of 548
hey we both need to get to bed
post #170 of 548
birthing is an interesting thing to me in that mammas always want to talk about it, even many years later. on mom's night out it always becomes a topic, even for the moms of teenagers. that's one of my hundreds of projects, to conduct a revisiting birth seminar.....there seems to be a healing that women are looking for when their births are very different from what they expected.

one thing after reading penelope leach yesterday i'm remeinded of is that the little ones have very little memory, and life experience. they do not remember their actions and our corrections that well. i don't remember much of what i did or said yesterday either....maybe i whined some as well.

the community of local friends i have found have mainly been through le leche league or my homeschooling group. i recommend highly looking at both venues for buddies.

it is trickier learning to parent the hitters and screamers in this society. there's not much to do for the little ones though it has taken me years to not behave horrified just for the benefit of others. sometimes that meant that the strangers won and my family lost and we felt miserable. my children will react worse if i show disapproval. if anything they probably need a time in (or sometimes the one being hurt is feeling sensitive and needs sleep and food, etc). it is my attention and acceptance my children want. the only thing i have found to be necessary action is that the mom of the one hurt offers comfort. and it is important to be flexible about leaving or having a guest leave when things become so uncomfortable for the kids that a bad vibe permeates the occasion, even though the mammas usually want to visit desperately.

i was telling a lady today at kungfu, who had a 14 year old only son, how i find having more than one child easier on me, except for the physicality of it. when i had only baby reed i felt the need to know his every movement and address every action he did, respond to every phrase and every emotion he had. of course it was a whirlwind romance that i do miss, but i wish i had known to be easier on him and myself about little things. sometimes i just turn my back and pretend i didn't see something the kids are doing, and it saves me from interfering with my love for them, and sometimes they never repeat the action again.....like yesterday it would be pouring ashes from a big bonfire into the house from a multitude of large containers.....my reaction is always mellower after the fact, so i'm just wasting my energy catching them right in the act and turning it into a "see mommy make funny faces and holler game".....
post #171 of 548
nak ---

just wanted to say i always enjoy your posts casina

thank you

post #172 of 548
I agree. I always find casina's posts rich in insight and experience. Actually, casina I was thinking about you the other night after ds had woken for the nth time, not necessarily wanting to nurse but wanting the grounding of my body and energy, little hands on my skin. Some nights this is challenging, YK, lack of personal space and such and I thought of casina and her brood--all 5 of you in the same bed. How do you work with this lack of emotional/psychic/physical space? Have you just surrendered the idea of any space at all?
post #173 of 548
I get some dirty looks from strangers when I'm out with dd. I finally had a woman at the library explain it to me. I look so young (I'm 23) that they see me out with dd and I'm sooooo casual with her, that they assume I have a whole bunch more at home and must have been baby-making since I was a teenager. I find that, that loooong train of assumption, so ridiculous that it just makes me laugh.

But then I read casina's post about bonfire ashes in the house and it reminded me to a day last week when I carefully planted flowers in the front yard only to have dd thoughtfully dig then up and replant them on the living room carpet. What would be the point in yelling? So I didn't. Of course, that wasn't one of those days when I had to do 5 loads of laundry or anything...

I find that I'm almost ashamed of myself when it comes to "teaching" dd to share. She's just recently learned NOT to share, a trick she's picked up from her friends. I know she's learned it from them, because they don't share with her, but when she's with her cousin, who does share, she shares well. Ideally, I'd like to let dd figure it out on her own. If some other kid takes what she's playing with, let her deal with it. But so often I find myself jumping right in, trying to teach "fairness" and smooth over all ruffled feelings, until both kids are so distraught with frustration that the toy has to be removed. Am I making any sense? I find my thought process much clearer when I limit sentences to a handful of small words...
post #174 of 548
I don't really notice if people give me dirty looks or not because my glasses are broken... but I bet they do. I'm 22 and I have a big huge belly full of baby besides the one in the stroller.

I have to use the stroller because of the huge belly. This stroller I have, I call it the SUV of strollers (I did NOT pick it out). But it's one of those pegperego mondo-huge things with shocks and everything. There are very few vehicles that can actually accomodate this thing! Haeven gets a pretty good ride in there. I also put a sheepskin in there and hindu goddess stickers over the big name brand, so she looks like a little princess.
:LOL

I can't imagine what it will be like once the other baby comes... I have a baby trekker and I guess I'll put the newborn in there while I push the suv-stroller. I sure must look like a baby-machine, and even more so once #2 is here.

Does anyone else hate name brands on their kids clothes? I take off all the osh kosh and gap that I see, and cover the spot up with beautiful butterfly appliques, or something like that.
post #175 of 548
I don't have a problem with small ones on clothes. especially name brand clothes because it ups the resale value to tleave them in place. i know shallow but I really do hape to get some money back on the large investment we have made in our clothing. especially since we have had to buy mostly new things for Ava since everything from theother girls has worn out or been completely covered in stains.

I never buy clothes with great big logos. Well maybe Old Navy but Madeline relaly had a thing for it because someone special always brought her treats from Old Navy an she grew very fond of the brand because it reminded her of that person. She could recognize the logo by her second birthday. :

I have a bogger dial with it on stuff. And I usually cover it up with stickers. If it is going to sport a name brand it should be of somehting we sell. So I have bike decals on most of my baby products and other amusing bike related stickers (or put one of our stores stickers over it. ) Even our vaccume is decorated. Oh wait that one blew up. Incedentally we put flaming 8 ball stickers on it. Who would have guessed.

Gees I am such a lame-o. Ava has been a pill all day. She has been clingy and whiny and keeps asking to nurse. I couldn't figure out what it was. Then a second ago she walks in with her arms full of cups and water bottles she has found laying around the house and throws them at me. They were all empty and I relized I hadn't given the poor child anything to drink all day like a brick wall. I can be so dense sometimes. So now she is sitting around sucking down a milion ounces of water.
post #176 of 548
oh well n ow I feel even lamer. Earlier tonight she kept taking my finger and putting it in my mouth. Meant nothing to me. I just kept thinking "well this is an irritating game. then she comes over to me after she has drank a bit, grabs an empty cup. sticks her finger in it and the puts her finger in her mouth. sticks my finger in it and then in my mouth. over and over and over like "DON'T YOU GET IT WOMAN!!!!!!" And then it still took me a minute to make the connection that this is more or lss the sign for drink I hjave been teaching her. Gees, I need to wake up and smell the sippy cup.
post #177 of 548
We all have days like that, Lilyka.

This is one of those times, though, that I'm really glad Eli has so many words. He started crying this evening for no apparent reason and I said "Use your words, please" and he told me "I drink a water!!" I hadn't given him any since we'd been home this evening because I wasn't thirsty. :
post #178 of 548
She was funny when she was showing me the sign. It was like "OK I a m going to make this realy easy for you , you simple minded mama. See this is a cup. ususaly ther is water in it but look! no water butif there was water in it it would go from here to your mouth. OK now do it with me. Good mama ."

She is so good to teach me so gently :LOL i guess earlier to day she kept smaking me so maybe she just discoverd that corpral punshmiment doesn't work that well.
post #179 of 548
punkprincess mama and solsticemama, big hugs to you both for your words. they gave me a good feeling all day.

in person i am notoriously blunt, loud and opinionated......so i enjoy posting.
as for the space issues, i guess i have basically given up for the most part and try to get space in other ways like running a twenty minute errand alone. i'm a fervent believer in the bed, even though reed kicks me and ruby in the head at night and i have to push him around. i found actually it is because we have too much space (two queens on the floor) when the four of us were crammed in a double sandwiched by higher furniture in taiwan no one had room to move at all. there were many times we tried to have reed in other places but he is a person that really soaks in quality physical presence, so anytime he slept apart i would have to deal with a much more difficult child during the day. and i guess with my three, it is how i ensure that they feel loved physically since i find it hard to clock in real time during the day. so it is worth it for me, even with laying on my back with two kids on each side nursing all night. good thing my breasts are just large enough, right? it is a great example of my learning to live only in the moment as it is.

something i keep in mind is a pie chart i've seen.....where my life is probably going to be over 70 years long, and for now there's a piece of a ten year period in that life that i'm sleep deprived and not able to pursue all my "adult" projects and instead am wallowing in the lushness of babyhood and the miraculousness of children. and this has been the most rewarding part of life for me so far. it's funny when i complain about the children holding me back because they are actually such motivating forces. of course then i can get riled about lack of community and and architectural needs in healthy lives.....

it also helps that lately i've had contact with semi-bored before children adults, and parents of older children. they are always appreciative of the delight in having little ones around. and even though it seems interminable at times, this period will go really fast. it is rich and dense with vitality. enjoy these moments.
post #180 of 548
I *finally* got my baby weighed etc. yesterday... she didn't gain much, but she's now 27lbs 8 oz. with a t-shirt and cloth diaper on. And she's 34 inches tall! She'll be a tall girl when she grows up.
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