Losing food battle! Need help!

[Mommako]

Hello! I'm very new to forums but am desperate for help!

I was reading along and I'm not clear on what all the abbreviations mean, so please forgive me if I say or do something inappropriate on here, lol!

My son was just diagnosed with aspbergers about a year ago.. Last spring he had the worst coach ever for our parks n rec baseball team. When my son got up to bat, she rudely asked him if he had something wrong with his feet. I was so shocked! The hair on the back of my neck was standing straight out! My son is so gentle in nature, he looked right at her and said, "nope, there fine"! As I attempted to try and gather myself together I watched him attempt to run around the bases.. He's a pretty good hitter, but not a good runner.. I definitely noticed he was having trouble running... And walking.. So I made an appointment to see the doc. Well the doc and I thought PT was the way to go.. So that was the beginning of his diagnosis but I didn't know it..

So long story short, here we are a year later and we have his feet issue getting taken care of, he goes to OT, PT and is seeing a therapist. However, my son has a huge eating sensory problem.. He is 10 now and I know a lot of our problem is that we have given in to him. He is EXTREMELY PICKY when it comes to food. At first, when he was little it didn't seem like that big of a deal.. Then as he got older it just got worse.. So we have a very small amount of food choices that he will eat and he is already a big kid.. Since he was born.. But now he is really over weight. He is even noticing it.. Our OT has been trying for a year to get him to try new foods.. No luck. I asked the therapist about it and she directed me to a several hundred dollar a person class... Way out of our middle America price range!..... So here I am asking for any help or advice you can give..

I have thought about counting his calories? Sneaking in healthy options (although I have tried this several times, so he is very aware, and always catches me, lol!). We have tried smaller portions. Nothing is working.. My biggest fears are that he will start sneaking food if he's feeling deprived and/or become dependent on food.

He is exercising everyday at home. They are ones we do for his OT and PT. He is very active, loves to play outside, ride bikes and jump on trampolines, swimming is his very favorite so we have him in swim lessons twice a week.. We just need to get his eating habits under control.

Thanks for reading my super not so short story, looking forward to hearing what you have to say!

[SpottedFoxx]

I'd speak to your pediatrician.  If his BMI is high - then insurance would probably cover the cost of a nutritionist who can help you get a handle on things.

My son is skinny as a rail but my husband and I have weight issues.  The #1 thing is... don't bring junk into the house.  What are his trigger foods?  If he goes crazy with ice cream, no more ice cream in the house.  Once and a while, he can have it as a treat (not as a rewards, just a plain old treat) at an ice cream store.  Over eating can also be caused by a food sensitivity.  For some people who have sensitivities to foods (not allergies), eating a particular kind of food (dairy, gluten, sugar) makes them crave more and more of that food.  Detox can be hard (behavioral issues for a week or two are common) but once they are off the offending food, their cravings stop.

Good luck and {{{hugs}}}}

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Mommako 

He is exercising everyday at home. They are ones we do for his OT and PT. He is very active, loves to play outside, ride bikes and jump on trampolines, swimming is his very favorite so we have him in swim lessons twice a week.. We just need to get his eating habits under control.

  Hello and welcome to Mothering.

I have a 14 year old with Asperger's. She goes to an alternative school, so we know lots of other kids at the high end of the spectrum. Nearly all of them have food issues. So, the first thing to do is stop blaming yourself. It's part of the package. Even if you had done everything perfect (which no parent does) your child would most likely still have some issues with food.

Second, you guys are doing A LOT of things right. Exercise is so good for all kids, but esp. important for kids with issues. Swimming is my DD's thing (she competes) and it's GREAT for her sensory issues.

Weight gain is linked to many things -- including stress, lack of sleep, and our genes. Most kids on the spectrum are dealing with extreme stress all the time because life is scary for them. Most kids on the spectrum have sleep issues. And some, like mine, got bad genes! Then you add it sensory issues related to food and it just isn't the same deal for them as for other kids.

I don't think that counting calories would be helpful.  For a while I had a chart for my DD to mark off how many servings she had in different food groups -- aiming for 5 fruits and vegies, 2 dairies, 6 waters, and 2 proteins every day. It didn't work very well for us, but it might work for a different kid. I do try to emphasize getting in the healthy things rather than limiting the not-so-healthy things.

For a long time, my DD didn't do well with crunchy foods, including pretty much all fruits and vegies. She does better with canned ones. Fruit canned in its own juice is a staple for her, and she would eat canned green beans long before she eat other vegies.

This past year she got involved in gardening at school and is now eating fresh produce, but it's taken a long time to get here.

Another thing you might try is taking him to the store with you and letting him pick one fruit and one vegie to try. More control on his part is good.

Water is a key to maintaining a healthy weight. DD does much better with water when it is flavored. She really likes adding MiO to bottled water. Also, having a cool water bottle is helpful. DD isn't super intuned with her body's signals, so her tendency to confuse thirst with hunger is more intense that most people's.

We've gone through all staples in our house and made them as healthy as possible. DD likes milk, so we have 1%. She likes pasta, so I get the Barillas plus, which looks and tastes like white pasta but has more protein and fiber. We've worked on healthy eating as a whole family goal, not something we are attempting to do with her so she can look a certain way.

There is such a emphasis on weight right now that is really about style, but it masquerades as being about health. At our house, we've taken the emphasis OFF weight and just made it about health. 

Trying new foods might be most successful right after exercise, and it might be most successful if they are easier to like healthy foods -- canned mandarin oranges rather than carrot sticks, for example.

You aren't the only parent dealing with this. In spite of this lovely post I've written, it's an on-going issue at our house. I've made my peace with the issue, but I haven't solved it. In a way, I feel like it's my job to continue to work on this with her, but I've let go of the idea of real success. I'm gently going in the direction that I think is best for her, but I've let go of outcomes.

[Mommako]

Thanks for responding! it's so wonderful to know I'm not alone.

[Linda on the move]

no, you are NOT alone.

I think a lot of parents of neurotypical kids have some of the same problems, but not to the same degree.

Another thing we've worked on is tuning into our bodies hungry/satisfied signals. DD had a hard time with that. She would just eat. And eat. And not notice when she got to a point of "satisfied."  We avoid the word "full" because she is a literal thinker and as long as she could get more food in, she thought she wasn't full.

  Before getting seconds, to pause and check in with one's self and just see if we are actually still hungry or just continuing to eat because it taste good is a good habit for us all.

Edited by Linda on the move - 7/28/11 at 3:57pm

[Mommako]

Thanks~!  I hadn't thought of it that way!  I always ask my kiddos if their tummy is full, lol!!  

Any thoughts or ideas on healthy choices for a no vegetable eater?  I give him a "green" vitamin, which he knows is his choice to take that instead of eating a vegetable at dinner... But he will only eat canned fruit, even if it's the same fruit like mandarin oranges or peaches, he won't eat them fresh only canned.. He will eat yogurt, cheese, bread, tortillas, granola bars, breaded chicken nuggets and patties, bacon, pepperoni, of course pizza, mac n cheese and top ramen(yikes!). He likes to eat peanut butter and chips, and an assortment of crackers..

We have switched out a lot things to healthier versions, like the bread, yogurt, crackers and chips.. he really isn't a big sugar eater.. we let him have soda pop once in a while and he eats candy or cake n icecream on occasion.. but for a 'dessert' he ususally wants chips or crackers... 

We try to limit portion size and seconds.. but he is a growing boy, so how do you know the difference between making sure he gets enough to eat and over eating?  I think that's one of our biggest struggles.. How did you discuss with DD the difference between hungry and satisfied?

[Emmeline II]

Maybe you could work with a nutritionist and come up with menus based on what he eats -- he can have everything (these foods in these proportions) on this "menu" today. There is a limit to how much a body needs to maintain itself or grow (in the case of a child); since he is overweight it seems that he is eating beyond what he needs, though I've heard of children gaining weight before a growth spurt.

Also, are you sure it is all eating habits? Did the doctor evaluate for conditions that can cause someone to retain weight, like an underactive thyroid? You could also try a sleep study; if he is not getting enough quality sleep he may be trying to keep more alert during the day through eating/snacking.

There are also dieters "tricks" like drinking a glass of water before eating and setting a timer for 20 minutes (to give the stomach time to signal the brain that it is satisfied) before eating again.

[Piglet68]

You are definitely not alone when it comes to eating issues. I try really hard to avoid the word "picky" because it suggests that our kids are doing this to be manipulative or spiteful. My kids definitely have sensory issues around food. Don't beat yourself up about not "getting strict" with them when they were younger. I honestly don't think there is a lot we could have done about it, other than literally shove food down their throats...Despite my apparent sensitivity to their needs I would be lying if I said this issue hasn't kept me up late at night worrying (my daughter won't even take vitamins, and I've tried very kind imaginable). So I know how hard this can be.

I hear that you have two concerns. One is your son's limited repertoire of foods, and the other is his weight. Starting with the first, I noticed that the foods he will eat are very similar to my daughter. There is a theory out there that some kids - especially those with sensory issues, ASD, etc - cannot process gluten (a wheat protein) or casein (a milk protein) properly. The peptides (breakdown products of the proteins) get into the bloodstream and produce effects that can include sensory, gastrointestinal, behavioural, etc. These peptides have also been shown to have some activity at opiate receptors leading some researchers to hypothesize that they have an addictive effect. Like your son, my daughter has been eliminating foods from her diet over the years so that much of what is left is either wheat or dairy. This supports the addiction theory. The solution is to do a trial run of a gluten- and casein-free diet and see what happens. Supposedly some kids begin to get a taste for other foods after about 2 - 4 weeks of elimination from their diet.

Unfortunately, at age 10 your son will likely be able to access foods you "forbid" when you aren't around, so you need to be careful about setting rules he can't get behind. If you want to try this diet the best you can do is sit down and talk to him about this hypothesis, maybe show him some articles or whatever (if you Google it you'll find plenty of info), and discuss your concerns. Because this diet has to be a strict elimination to work, you will need his cooperation on this. My daughter was not happy about it, she didn't feel she had any problems and she didn't want to hear about the potential health issues, etc. So we came to the agreement that she would go gluten-free for one month. Frankly, after 2.5 weeks she is holding out and eating even less diversity than before, so I'm not sure I'll be able to continue with it past the one month we agreed to. However, some kids find that they themselves notice a difference in how they feel, how successful they are at social situations, etc. and decide on their own to stick with it. If you can get him to at least agree to a trial run it may help. 

As far as the weight goes, I'm a firm believer that carbohydrates and sugars are what makes us fat. Unfortunately most gluten-containing foods are very high in carbs and that's probably where his extra weight is coming from. In this case, while exercise is great for overall health, the effects of carb overload on the insulin-system can easily overcome regular exercise and produce minimal to no change in weight loss even with regular exercise. Again, given your son's age you may have to speak with him about this and let him decide. Yes, being overweight is a health risk but he will be an adult soon enough and you already are at a point where you cannot control everything that goes into his mouth. You can therefore either make eating/foods a battle in which it is you VS him (in his mind) or you can treat him like someone capable of making decisions for himself given the information you provide (or he looks up). In the latter case he may not come around right away, but at least when he does think about things he'll feel safe discussing them with you.

HTH!

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Mommako 

Any thoughts or ideas on healthy choices for a no vegetable eater?  ...

We try to limit portion size and seconds.. but he is a growing boy, so how do you know the difference between making sure he gets enough to eat and over eating?  I think that's one of our biggest struggles.. How did you discuss with DD the difference between hungry and satisfied?

I would keep offering small amounts of vegetables in different ways and not get wrapped up in whether or not he eats them. It took DD awhile to just make peace with them on her plate, but eventually she did start eating some vegies.

I showed my DD some pictures from some old weight watchers materials I had on the difference between hungry, satisfied, and full. It was 3 balloons. The first was totally empty and craved in, the second had a little air in it, and the third was so full it looked like it was about to pop. We talked about how to stomachs are stretchy just like balloons, and that we aren't trying to stretch them out and see how much we can get in. 

One thing I notice about his current food choices is that he is getting a lot of saturated fat. Most of his protein sources are really fatty. Healthy fats (in moderate portions) are really good for our hearts and can help us feel satisfied. But eating lots of fat makes it hard to maintain a healthy weight. Protein is very necessary for weight control -- it also helps us feel satisfied so we don't just munch all the time. So I wouldn't just pull what he is eating,  but rather try to find some similar foods that are lighter.

Depending on where he is with puberty, the amount of food he needs each day is pretty huge. I used to do Weight Watchers. It's a point system based on things like age, gender, current weight, etc. Kids have to be at least 13 to do WW, (and any one under 18 must have a note from their doctor) but I saw the point values for teen boys -- it was the very highest limit that anyone gets on WW -- and it didn't even matter how much they weighed currently. Teen  age boys can eat a TON of food and still loose weight -- if they are making mostly heathy choices.

[khaoskat]

I also have a picky eater...

1) Ask your Ped for two referrals --- a) Nutritionist - they can evaluate your child's eating journal/log and see what he might be missing and where to cut back/add; additionally s/he can give you suggestions on how to introduce new foods and open up his palate.; b) Feeding Eval - they can evaluate to see if he is having any problems with chewing/swallowing, etc that could cause him to gravitate away from certain foods or gravitate to certain foods.

2) Put a few new rules in place for everyone at meal time...a) you have to take 1 bite of every food on  your plate before you can take a second bite of anything else (this on recommendation of our nutritionist is something we do)..this way he has to taste each thing on his plate...2) start small with introducing new things -- for instance the first time, let him just bring it to his mouth and touch his lips, then the next time, he has to put it in his mouth, then the third time has to chew it, then the 4th time has to swallow it...(again advise from our nutritionist).

[insidevoice]

DD is nine, and she's actively aware that she needs to expand her food choices, but it's really hard for her to do so.  Her mantra these days is, "I wish I liked ______."  In her case, I did "everything right" in terms of food introductions and a nice broad variety of foods when she was little.  As soon as she turned three she shut down completely.  She still hadn't hit 35 lbs by kindergarten. She was teeny and pale and waif-like.  

She tries now, but her choices are still very limited.  However, she's made some progress- small progress, but some.  She'll eat peas, but only if they are frozen (not cooked after being frozen, they still have to be blocks of ice).  She eats cucumbers, and a few fruits.  She lives on pastas- so I also use the Barilla Plus.  I do make her taste foods she 'doesn't like' on a regular basis, and once in a blue moon, I find one she suddenly likes!

With a lot of work, a lot of nutritional support, and the help of the start of puberty, she's up to nearly 70 lbs now.  I suspect food will be a lifelong battle for her, so for now, as long as she's at least trying, I am not willing to make it a battle ground.  If she doesn't want the family meal for dinner- she knows where the kitchen is.  

For a kid who is gaining a lot of weight, I would certainly help them find some limits.  Make sure snacks are already measured out, and they know they can only have one portion.  Get a food scale and help them learn what one 'serving' is. If they are still hungry after a meal- that's ok- just make sure that what they have next is something that is pretty healthy. 

As for the foods he gravitates to- they are the same my daughter would go to (mostly) if I had them in the house.  Simple solution- don't keep them in the house. :)

I would give the vitamin and ask him to at least have a bite of vegetables at dinner.  Kids like this really NEED the repeated exposures to things to learn to accept them.

Canned fruit- buy the kind in water only. Offer fresh alternatives that look similar- mandarin oranges, peel and section a small orange .

Make yogurt at home- it's inexpensive and they can stir in fresh fruit or granola for flavor. 

Breaded chicken bits- eep- if it's the premade stuff, find some videos about the parts they use to make those. Buy fresh chicken breast and cut into nuggets or fillets yourself.  If they HAVE to be breaded, make your own and precook then freeze them. 

Bacon- great stuff, in tiny amounts. :) Buy it and serve it once in a blue moon. 

Pizza- again, make it yourself, and when you make the sauce- puree in a few veggies in tiny amounts. 

Mac and cheese/ramen- sometimes handy, but from scratch will be a lot better for him. 

Chips/crackers/peanut butter- experiment with other spreads- like hummus, make pita crisps etc- don't buy the stuff full of additives. 

Don't make it a huge battleground, but don't buy the stuff that allows him to escape into his comfort zone all the time.