Do you think Life is inherently Hard?

[Snapdragon]

Do you find yourself thinking " Life is Hard"- I mean- do you personally feel that way?

I do.

For me it is an internal thing. I know my life is actually good and I am actually grateful for all I have. But I find that internally I have a worried mind, and I generally feel an underlying sense of un ease more often than not! It is very frustrating and I would love to be able to practice meditation or something so I could look at the world from a more peaceful internal place. I know there will always be external challenges but I feel that if I had more mastery of my mind and emotions, and was able to conquer my frequent worry and un ease, that I could go through life with more joy and less suffering.

I have not figured out how to do that yet

What about you? Do you find life hard? Why or why not?

If you have figured out how to be happy internally, how to have some peace of mind in spite of life's challenges, can you please share some wisdom with me? I am really striving for some internal peace these days.

[mandib50]

i do think a lot of it has to do with how we look at things in life and probably our personalities. my life isn't "easy" and really never has been, but i try to be accepting of things that have happened in my life and to just let it go. i am anxious by nature and worry a lot so that doesn't really help.

i don't know where your spiritual beliefs lie, but i have found A Course in Miracles to be really really helpful. all the lessons are available online (free).

[bonamarq]

I do think "American Life" is hard - this is more philosophical than spiritual, but that spiritual practice can help make it less so... ANd this is not to say life other places is NOT hard - it's much more so of course in MANY places....

But here - I think it's tough in part because we put SO MUCH emphasis on independence and people just don't have the close family relationshops (often due to geographic distance) that we used to have - SAHM are more isolated than ever, easily get frustrated and resentful as a result -  WOHM are constantcly juggling demands, strapped for time and feeling guilty for not having enough of it for their kids - and many of us are petrified by the 24/7 news cycle of what will become of us - knowledge can be power but it can also lead to worry and paralysis!

I am incredibly lucky and KNOW my life isn't nearly as hard as most people's - I try not to worry about that which is beyond my control (most things) and  be grateful for what I do have and to try and build a greater capacity for connection and relationship where I can (as this is my greatest need and weakness) I have moved around alot - early on so I could explore and learn, and then to support dh - and now in my mid 40's it's difficult to move beyond casual friendships with new people b/c of 'LIFE IS HARD"  - and so many seem to have all the really close friends they want or need - no room for more  than a casual friendship, thank you very much...

sorry to get off topic - that was just my .02

[cat13]

I feel like I have moved to a more positive space in the last few years of my life. One thing that worked for me was removing most of the toxic people in my life, and even distancing myself from those who enable me to be unhappy too much (for me it was people who I actually liked, but it seemed like all we ever talked about was stuff that was bad in life, or gossip). It is sad sometimes when I realize that I don't have as many friends as I used to, but I am also really trying to open myself up to meeting new people now and I want to make sure that any new friends are positive influences in my life.

Don't get me wrong... by no means am I happy all the time and I still love to complain about life! It's just one thing that has made a difference for me.

[Linda on the move]

The Buddha said that life is suffering. I think that most everyone goes through very difficult things, though our ability to find joy or at least some measure of peace in spite of those things varies a great deal.

I see different people finding a sense of OKness in different ways, and I think everything from organized religion to mind altering substances are attempts at the exact same thing. Obviously, we all have certain ways we consider more acceptable to find peace than others -- most of us would consider paths that really quiet the mind to be better than paths that simply mask the underlying noise. The ability to stay aware of pain, but being able to act in joyful compassion rather than be inmobilized by depression. I think about Mother Teresa -- her ability to see how hard life is, and yet to make her own life a thing of beauty through her awareness.
 

I'm a yogi -- I practice pretty much every day, I teach, and I study yogic philosophy. That works for me.  I love the metaphors of yoga -- the warrior postures symbolize how we are pulled in different directions, but finding our own sense of equanimity  and balance in the middle of that.

But other things work well for other people, and other things have worked for me at different times.

One of the first things I found that helped was "Ask and It is Given" by Ester and Jerry Hicks. This is a book about the law of attraction, and the first half of the book is just about that. But the second half of the book is pure genius. It's different processes to do to help raise your emotional level. It says that rather than jumping from super sad to super happy (which most likely wouldn't be maintainable, just attempt to go up one step on the emotional scale. The processes are varied, and some of them are journalling exercises. (It's far easier for me to write than to meditate!)

I think that a sitting meditation is difficult. It's only a small part of my personal practice. It seems like it would be cool be to able to just sit and totally quiet my mind, but I'm not there!  In the mean time, I can do some sun salutations in a meditative frame of mind, and then take a mudra and a visulation ("Mudras: Yoga in Your  Hands" by Hirschi is a wonderful book).

[Storm Bride]

Yes. I think life is hard. But, I've always loved this M. Scott Peck quote (from "The Road Less Traveled"):

"Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."

I think life is hard in many, many ways. I always have. But, when I was younger and a little less...exhausted?...I kept the above in mind, and it did make a huge difference. Sometimes, life is less hard when I just say, "yeah - it's hard - so what?" and get on with it, yk? When I get mired down in thinking life's hard (or "too hard"), I'm less able to function, and life becomes even harder. When I can just accept that it's not easy, I'm more able to cope, and it's easier.

Edited by Storm Bride - 7/26/11 at 8:20pm

[*bejeweled*]

"The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle really helped me with this. Yes, life is often hard. But this moment is all that matters. And right now I'm chillin'.

For me, life is hard when I'm focusing on the big picture and worrying about the future or lamenting the past.

But when I'm grateful for every single little thing, life is simple and beautiful.

[Linda on the move]

One of my yoga books was talking about how life is like being in water -- for one person it is terrifying and they constantly feel they are about to drown, but for another person who has mastered the water, they swim, they float, they enjoy it.

the goal is to learn to master life enough so that we can feel like we can feel like we are swimming in it, not drowning in it.

[applecider]

I have nothing to add, but I hope others do! OP I could have written your post.

[ElliesMomma]

i think that when you try to do too much, or BE too much, it is hard. also -- how old are you? someone up thread mentioned being mid-40s. i'm also post-40, and i felt a huge shift in the past few years. for the better. 30s are trying years. 20s are much worse. but by 40, you begin to settle in. some things get much much easier. like how to read people and what to expect from people. i've got some good routines down, which helps immensely. also my expectations have changed. overall, i'd say that i disagree that life is so hard. but i have heard my mother state the same as you, and she is 60+. however she is living in a dysfunctional situation with my father. perhaps that keeps things hard for her. actually, no perhaps about it, come to think of it. and by the way i have suffered my fair share in my years. i come from that dysfunctional family i mentioned and i had an early marriage that ended in divorce. i've been through credit card debt, etc. but i have survived it all. here's hoping things don't go crappy again. at this point, i guess i feel like i've got it pretty good. i hope you find some peace soon, too.

[Thing1Thing2]

I agree that the 30's are trying years. I'm 35 and it's been rough. Life seems too hard for me, with a 3 year old who has special needs, allergies, financial problems and almost losing our home to mold in the last 2 years.

It seems that every time it looks like things are getting on the right track, we are sideswiped by something new. Sometimes my heart is breaking at the thought of having to go through more of this.

I hope things get better for you, and just know - you are not alone. There are many people out there who understand suffering and who are in the same place you are.

[Snapdragon]

the thing is, I am not a super unhappy person by any means-  I have so much good in my life- a great family, a great relationship with dh, enough abundance to eat organic food and live in a clean house, even to sah with my son full time, friends, health, interests, wisdom, insipration, much more! It is just this underlying sense of worry that it takes a lot of effort to get rid of! Right now I am feeling pretty good- but the underlying worried feelings return often.

[LCBMAX]

Yes! It's soooo hard. And I'm one of the luckiest most blessed people in the whole world. So then I wonder, why do I think it's supposed to be less hard? My friends who "roll with it" more easily don't seem to have the assumption that it should be easier. I want to have a regular sitting practice. That's the only way forward I believe. But it seems.... so hard! to make the space to sit. I'm going to get that mudra book for the moments I can pose my hands. Ah yes, buying a book - that will help!

[princesstutu]

I expelled the words "hard" and "difficult" from my vocabulary.

Life can be challenging.  But, that's a good thing, b/c I like to be challenged.

That is where I am on that. 

To have internal talk that says, "Life is hard" or "Life is suffering" or any of the myriad ways to express that sentiment is to put Life in a box, to limit it.  And, if I'm going to limit Life, I'm going to do so in more affirming ways.  I am going to say, "Life is good."

Because it is. 

[Smokering]

For me it is; heck yeah. Not from external stressors - I mean, I've never been absolutely poor, or had a life-threatening disease (well, technically, once, but I felt fine and it was resolved quickly, so it doesn't count!), or been the victim of a violent crime or abusive relationship, or dealt with infertility or even the loss of a family member. My life is ridiculously easy by all sane standards. And yet, I have a supreme talent for making things hard for myself. I overthink, I stress, I'm prone to depression and a bit Aspie, and yes, little things are hard. Always have been.

To take a very trivial example, I used to HATE getting haircuts as a kid, because I was convinced everyone would look at me and make comments. For some reason, being looked at by an acquaintance and hearing the innocuous comment "Oh, you got your hair cut!" filled me with deep shame and humiliation and embarrassment. So whenever Mum started threatening to cut my tangly hair, I would walk around for weeks with dread and horror in my heart, and act out; she'd have to drag me literally kicking and screaming to the hairdresser; and for weeks afterwards I'd cringe and scowl whenever I saw someone I knew approaching. Petty? Yes, but it blighted my young life... until I turned 13 and decided to never have short hair again. And I still don't. :p

So that solved the hair problem. But I think I still find things more difficult than "normal" people. I admire people who can casually make life-changing, grownup decisions like "Hey, babies are cool, let's have one!" or "Let's move to England for a year, it'll be fun!" or even "We have some money saved up, let's fly to the islands for a week". I can't do that. I overthink everything. You should have seen how much research I did for a holiday we were going to take later this year - heck, we planned a baby round it! (Now we have the baby, but are too broke for the trip. Heh. Oh well, it's a nice baby.)

I dread to think how my none-too-robust mental health will deal with ageing, menopause and any actual crises that come up in life. It won't be pretty. I really don't know how people do it.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Smokering 

You should have seen how much research I did for a holiday we were going to take later this year - heck, we planned a baby round it! (Now we have the baby, but are too broke for the trip. Heh. Oh well, it's a nice baby.)

I dread to think how my none-too-robust mental health will deal with ageing, menopause and any actual crises that come up in life. It won't be pretty. I really don't know how people do it.

FWIW, my mental health is worse in some ways than it was when I was young. Life stresses (mostly the last two years of my first marriage, my c-sections, and, mostly, Aaron) definitely did a number on me in some areas. But, overall - I'm much, much more mentally and emotionally healthy than I was when I was young and life was "easier". Over time, I've learned how far I can push myself, and how, and when, and when I really need to just curl up inside and protect myself for a while...and I didn't know those things when I was young.

[CatsCradle]

It is all very subjective in my opinion and I think a lot of it is how you approach or view the difficulties thrown at you.  I was abandoned by my mother when I was two years old, and although I could have rested on those laurels for years to come, what was more important to me and shaped me were the people who truly loved me and were concerned about my well-being.  It gave me sort of different perspective on the whole mother-love thing, and I think I'm better today because of it (disclaimer...and I know it's important here...this is my experience and it in no way reflects on others' experiences).  I don't make my mother's abandonment the focus of my life because the woman is not part of who I am.  She's dead, IMO, and I can't base my life decisions or problems on her.  I've had 46 years to be human being without her.

Being poor (in my young adult life) wasn't hard for me.  Maybe because I had love and affection and laughs for and at the more fortunate.  Me and my friends used to collect cigarette butts off the streets and smoke the stubs.  Maybe we didn't eat anything during the week except .50 cent bags of Cheetos, but we had our identify and our views and ideas.  I managed to survive on theatrical charm and to this day I think that I was one of the lucky ones.  It was a day-to-day thing but I never felt threatened physically or emotionally.  I never had to resort to unlawful means to get by.  Maybe people would view that kind of life as 'hard' but to me it was survival mechanism and I had fun in between.

Fast forward to current life:  I'm tired a lot but I don't view life as hard.  I made my proverbial bed as far as work and family are concerned and it works despite the fact that I'm tired a lot.  What puts into to perspective for me is that my family and colleagues and neighbors run into life situations that are actually hard, (from my perspective).  My boss is dealing with a situation that is incredibly hard and emotionally draining (it involves a crime situation where his child is a person of interest); DD's best friend from preschool was diagnosed with leukemia (and her family has been through a lot over the last year); a child was murdered brutally in the neighborhood next to ours (and I can't imagine what his family is going through right now).  I look at historical situations (both from a family and world point of view) where people were forced to make decisions that I can't imagine making.  My own family left dire situations in Europe to come and make a new life here, not knowing the language or the customs but wanting and needing a better situation for themselves.  My life, rich or poor, is pretty cushy compared to that.  There is immense suffering in the world, both past and present, and any hardness that I feel about my own life pretty much pales in comparison.  

Do I have bad days?  Yes, sure.  Is my life hard?  Not from my privileged point of view.  I know that people have different tolerances for what is hard but to me (after coming out on the good end of less dersirable situations) I see survival as more of a blessing than as a hardship.  I have never suffered in ways that people have had to suffer.  I have never had to make choices which meant the difference between love of family and personal safety.  I have grieved in certain situations but I have not had insufferable regrets.  I have never had to hide because of my ethniticity, religion, views or otherwise.  Life throws hurdles at me, but the big stuff has never been on my radar.  Tired?  Yes.  Hard?  No.  I've been extremely blessed so far.  Pretty privileged, actually.  

Again, my view on my own life and not a comment on the 'hardness' of others' lives.  Flame away but that's my local and world view.

Forgive my spelling errors.

Edited by CatsCradle - 7/29/11 at 6:04pm

[Mizelenius]

Yes, I do.  It makes me question God a lot.

Let me give you an example-- Little Bear.  I love watching Little Bear!  Little Bear lives in a place where he is FREE.  He has access to nature, a good group of friends, loving parents, and a simple life.  My children will never have this.  They will never have the safety that Little Bear has (he's a bear- what harm can really come to him?)-- and that is where freedom to explore and learn is rooted.

If I were God, I would create a world for my "children" like the one LB lives in.  Sure, sure, we have all heard the "free will" thing, but guess what?  Why is there room in "will" to be able to do certain things?  Couldn't those have been programmed out of us?  I can't fly, I can't think like Einstein . . .why can't we all be limited in the parts of our brain that would cause some people to torture, abuse, etc.?  Why are those things even part of our brains to begin with?

Now, can I say my life compared to others is hard?  NO WAY.  There are people who are fearing for their lives---for their children's lives-- right at this very moment.  People who are starving to death, people dying from diseases and no one is there to help.  People who deal with living in war every day.  So, while I think life is hard (entropy, anyone?) I don't think my life is hard compared to most.  If it is, it is a matter of perception that needs to be changed.

[erigeron]

I think that learning to master new things in life is difficult, and if you are progressing in life, yeah, it's hard. I have been telling my daughter this at the breast and she is only 5 weeks old. I don't think she understands it yet , but I am reminding myself of it! First you have to learn to breathe and digest and nurse, and then to crawl and walk, and then to feed yourself and tie your shoes and be nice to your peers, and then you go to school and have to learn to read and write and ... &c. Every stage in life has its challenges and just because somebody has made it through a particular challenge doesn't mean they should discount the struggles of those who have yet to go through it. (Again, a reminder for myself to not forget what childhood is like.)

So I think life is hard, but it's okay that it is, and we should bear in mind it's also hard for others.

[butterfly1976]

For me....my life has always been hard or a struggle. It seems like it never gets easier. I sometimes wonder if there's a light at the end of my tunnel. The older I get, the more I question God and how he helps his children. I've seen some people have great families, have lots of help, great jobs, wonderful spouses. It seems like their life flowed easily. I'm sure there were bumps in the road, but it's been the exact opposite of mine.

I don't expect life to be easy, but I'd like to be cut some slack once in a blue moon. From living with a drunk father and a mother who never cared much for me, marrying young to someone who didn't care, being a single parent with no support system, homeschooling my kids, being low income..........life is hard. I know I didn't pick my folks, but I did pick the ex-spouse and I have to own that.

I remember going back to church awhile back and all these people were saying God is good etc.......I felt like I couldn't say it. I felt like it was a lie. Maybe life and God has been good to them, but never to me. I never went back. I've always felt like I was the one forgotten or left behind.

I keep telling myself when the kids are done with their schooling (about 5 more years) life will be better and easier. I sure hope so. Even though I don't believe in former lives, I sometimes wonder if I'm being punished for something in the past. No matter what it never gets easier or better. There's always one setback after another.

Do I think life is hard? For me.......yes.