When your toddler is the one getting clobbered by the other toddler

[wishin'&hopin']

Okay, so quick question.  I totally get that toddlers are volatile, have little (if any) impulse control and can be aggressive.  I get it, and I also know that at some point I could be the mama of the kid who hits or bites.  That said...today at a play/gym class my little guy was shoved or hit by the same child three different times (I'd guess around 17 or 18 m/o).  The first two times it was when my child was using an apparatus the other child wanted and was near...the third time the other child came all the way across the room to hit my guy over a ride on.   

The mom intervened each time with her child and I ended up just moving my guy away whenever the other child came close--no biggie, I felt bad because I assume that she was as bothered by (if not more) her child's behavior as I was.  But, I didn't know what to say to my child, who seemed shocked and upset (he's 15 months) about the other child's behavior (my guy's fairly mild mannered and always seems to be the kid getting pushed).  

So, in the future, any advice about how to explain why another child is behaving the way they are without falling into the trap of labeling anyone "bad", or "that kid"?  

[megame]

I think that actions the kid is doing can be defined as bad, you dont have to say the kid is bad.  I'm thankful my kid hasn't hit that stage/phase, so I'm not too helpful.  I don't mind telling other kids to stop bullying my kid since my guy doesn't have a voice yet.  I don't mind saying things like 'he was playing with that, it's not nice to take things away,' and I try to catch it before/right as actions happen because it's easier that way.  Hopefully in this fashion he is learning about boundaries and how to stand up for himself.  I'm not going to do this when my guy knows how to stick up for himself, but he doesn't know so he doesn't need to always get the short end of the stick.  I don't think I'm in the wrong to do this. If you could catch the kid right before the action to tell him to stop it perhaps? But you say the mom was there and on top of it, so it's hard for me to picture the situation without being there.  

[wishin'&hopin']

The mom was there but he was one of twins and her interventions were always after the fact.  So, his behaviours were un-corrected until after he'd already shoved or hit.  I guess that I didn't feel comfortable correcting someone else's child when they were present (and I didn't know her/them) and was focusing on dealing with my own kidlet...

[SilverFish]

well, my best friend is the mom of "the biter" and my dd is the one that gets bit (along with other kids!). she is an absolutely great parent, he is just a very physical kid and it's been a tough and looong stage. anyway, for her, she uses prevention mostly, and now that he's getting a little older she removes him from the situation immediately. anyway, she can't be everywhere, and so we often step in if we think our kids are about to get whacked or bitten and she is grateful and happy for us to do so, as long as it's gentle and kind. 

anyway, my dd can get upset about it... but not because she's shocked another kid would do that, but because whatever it was hurt or surprised her. i don't really feel the need to explain to my dd, she's 18 months... she doesn't care what other kids do, she just doesn't like getting shoved or hurt! i think you're overthinking it a bit. a simple "oh, we don't push/shove/bit/hit, we are gentle with each other" is sufficient. mimicking gentle touch, either on your own child or on the other child works very well. i find that interacting directly with the child myself, "oh hi, you want to play with this toy too... well, would you like this one? this one is green" etc etc seems to break the child's concentration enough to redirect. 

[wishin'&hopin']

Thanks Silverfish--I probably am over thinking!  I mostly just didn't want to hurt the other mom's feelings, but at the same time wanted to protect my kid!