Wisdom for a new mother

[aquarius aspiring]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this thread in, but I wanted to give a try.

One of my co-workers is pregnant with her first baby. We're throwing a baby shower for her in a couple of weeks. I thought of an idea of something we could do for, but I don't know if she'd like it or not.

A lot of my other co-workers are parents. At the baby shower, I wanted to set up a basket and different slips of paper for people to write on for three prompts.

1. What were the joyful parts of your/your partner's labor and birth?

2. Please share your encouraging advice for a new mother

3. Please share your encouraging advice for a new father.

I wanted to keep the whole present and all of the advice in a very positive light.

After the baby shower, my plan would be to gather up all of the pieces of paper and put them together in an album or notebook of sorts.

Now be honest. Is this a totally crazy idea? Has anyone ever done this sort of thing for you? Would you appreciate this kind of present? Should I re-word any of the questions?

[SierraBella]

Well, it's hard, because everyone is different... and some of the advice isn't always so good.

But if I can offer my *wisdom* from experience.. one of the BEST things I received at my mother's blessing was getting my friends to rotate bringing us dinner a couple times a week for several weeks. And that is what I tell ALL first time moms- to either have a freezer full of meals or have your friends & family make a meal-plan for you.

[secondimpression]

It sounds like a really sweet idea! I'd probably bawl my eyes out if someone did that for me.

Although when I was a first time mom, I would've likely flipped my bananas over anyone daring to give me unsolicited advice (2 kids cured me of know-it-all-itis). But that's just me and I by no means am a fair representation of the typical first time mom! Perhaps you could feel her out ahead of time? Even openly ask if she'd appreciate something like that/what specific questions would she like you to include/not include?

I would definitely change the first question though. Maybe more like "What was the most joyful part of your baby's birth/becoming a parent?" It seems like that would fit the theme of the second and third questions better, if that makes sense.

[samstress]

we did this very thing (words of wisdom written on slips of paper for the new parents) at a friend's baby shower.  she loved it!

i agree with the re-wording of the first question suggested by the pp.

[cat13]

OP, I think that's a cute idea. I did something like this for a co-worker's baby shower and she really liked it. Except the person organizing it got a scrap book (the binder kind with rings) and we each got a page ahead of time. We were also encouraged to paste a picture of ourselves as a baby on the page and then give some advice or words of wisdom for mom. The best part was that since it was a ring binder style, everyone brought their pages to the party and the organizer just popped them into the book and gave it to mom right there.

[cameragirl]

I think it is a great idea. I've done it before at showers.

[Mommel]

I recently experienced this at a very large shower for a friend (I'm a month behind her). She told the hostesses that she loved it, but I know her well enough to know that she was irritated by all sorts of conflicting advice from all sorts of women, some of whom don't even have children. Personally, I was sitting there thinking if they do this to me, I might have to leave. As it was, I got unsolicited advice just for showing up pregnant to her shower. Ugh. I don't know it all, in fact, I know very little, but I'm not interested in things like why you think I should leash my child, why cloth diapering is a bad idea, etc. The wording was similar, but people took liberties and gave whatever advice they wanted to. 

I think it just depends on the group of people who are participating and how compatible they are with parenting styles and mindset to the mama... if they are a lot alike, I'd say it might be a really lovely thing, but if it's a really diverse group of family members and co-workers, etc... maybe not so much.

I second the PP's idea of organizing a meal train. A friend is doing this for me, and I cried when she told me that was her plan, I was so grateful.

[SierraBella]

Originally Posted by Mommel 

I recently experienced this at a very large shower for a friend (I'm a month behind her). She told the hostesses that she loved it, but I know her well enough to know that she was irritated by all sorts of conflicting advice from all sorts of women, some of whom don't even have children. Personally, I was sitting there thinking if they do this to me, I might have to leave. As it was, I got unsolicited advice just for showing up pregnant to her shower. Ugh. I don't know it all, in fact, I know very little, but I'm not interested in things like why you think I should leash my child, why cloth diapering is a bad idea, etc. The wording was similar, but people took liberties and gave whatever advice they wanted to. 

I think it just depends on the group of people who are participating and how compatible they are with parenting styles and mindset to the mama... if they are a lot alike, I'd say it might be a really lovely thing, but if it's a really diverse group of family members and co-workers, etc... maybe not so much.

I second the PP's idea of organizing a meal train. A friend is doing this for me, and I cried when she told me that was her plan, I was so grateful.

Yes! When I had a mother's blessing, we did advice on little cards to keepsake. Most of my friends are attachment granola types like me, but not all of them.. so some of the so-called advice kinda irked me!

The meal train was THE BEST thing anyone could have done for me! It is soooo sooo hard to make dinner with a newborn (almost impossible), so having nice, hot, homemade meals was a god(dess) send!

[erigeron]

A friend organized my shower and she had a little book for this stuff. It was kind of a cute idea, but as it ended up nobody at the shower except my mom was actually a parent themself, so it was all sort of blind-leading-the-blind. I think I got a couple of pieces of useful advice, and one downright stupid suggestion, and the rest was just kind of there. It was a cute idea though, but I wouldn't count on it yielding a ton of totally helpful wisdom.

I like the meal train idea! (Hard to set up though in case baby comes kind of early or late.) Wish somebody had done that for us. We did have a few people offer in advance, but it's weird to have to call in that favor.

[zinemama]

I don't think I would appreciate this very much. Not nearly as much as a meal train!

[Mommie22]

This time around, I'd appreciate the meal train which I had with my first and it was so very helpful. Also, instead of shower gifts, I want to somehow get people to donate money to a housekeeper for the first 6 weeks. I remember how frustrated I was as I sat around exhausted, breastfeeding and watching my house get dirtier and dirtier while a stack of blankets and a pile of stuffed animals sat around.