so, i am going to give a very brief history, but was curious to other's people's opinions on the issue. i am about to have a baby ::squee:: super exciting. can't wait to meet this little bean! the baby's papa was not excited in the moment we found out, as he had already decided to move across the country to be closer to his other kiddos (he is not the father to my older girls, so i have been in the single parenting business for quite some time, and have quite the independence complex. )
we have been talking while he's been out east, which is a challenge as he doesn't have a phone for me to call, so i have to rely on him calling me. there have been some lapses. what we have figured out is that he does want to play a role in baby's life, and we are doing what we can to make that feasible. it might end up with me moving in that direction, as my older girls have a ton of siblings out east that i want them to be able to know. it's not all about him, or even compromising what i want....i love many things about where i live, but am nomadic at heart. and there is no where to have horses where i am! i promised my girls that our next move would have beach or horses.
my issue i am grappling with is.....he wants to be a part of the naming baby process, and i feel really guarded there. i have always been solo by the time it came to naming babies, and i do a lot of reflection and meditation, trying to connect to baby and figure out who they are, and what kind of name they need to serve them in this life. i have never even told anyone a name i was thinking of....when i finally met baby, that is when i would try the name on for sure and share with others. i feel like i have to meet baby and look at them before i tell other people who i think they are. hopefully this makes sense, and not to far out there. for the record i have never named a baby sunflower stardust, though i cast no judgements on folks who do/have/will. i also would never name a baby jennifer or betty or bob or nicolas. my kids also do not share a surname with anyone- they have their own. i just believe people should have their own, meaningful names.
do i let him in? clearly, it will be an issue brought up in the future if i don't, which i feel willing to deal with. from where i stand, i feel like i want to hear his ideas without revealing my own. is that fair? then ideally i would feel out if they flowed with baby, and with the names i have been holding for some time. it also feels like a matter of investment to me. he has been away, distant, and adverse to the idea of baby in the beginning. now that he has decided to be involved, his investment is still pretty null---- when he calls, it takes a lot to get the conversation onto the topic of baby. i feel like i have a lot more energy and love put into baby, and why should i let someone who is less interested, less invested, play such a major role in naming? i also realize that some of the investment differences are gender based---- a lot of men have a hard time connecting to their unborn children, even when they are in contact with the mama everyday (like, you know, a couple...). am i being unyielding? shouldn't i be? i think his major qualms are that i will name the baby something really far out there. he teases me about this all the time. i think the fear is unfounded. he knows my other kiddos names. i feel like i have been putting energy into the baby naming for a long time.......and now that we are getting close to the end, he wants a say. which i am not adverse to him putting his suggestions out there, i just don't feel compelled to compromise. what do you think, mamas?
so...not as brief as i wanted to be, but any thoughts or opinions?