Things People Say

[KristinaMarie]

Okay, so I thought it would be fun to start this thread. Just somewhere to rant about what people say that they shouldn't.

Today I posted 30 week belly shots, and some of the comments blew my mind.

A friend who has 3 kids said: Soon you will have caught up to me and (T) wife...um, I didn't know it was a race.

My mom said to me the other day that have 2 boys and 1 girl will make for the extra perfect family. OK, so let me understand this, if it were all boys, or 1 boy and 2 girls it would be less than perfect?

Another person wrote, wow, you will have an instant family. So 5 years of infertility, and IVF cycles, and all the medications that go along with it make it an "instant" family. Glad to know.

Hope all you ladies are enjoying this heat as much as I am.

[theboysmama]

Wow your huge! (umm thanks i'm growing a human being what do you expect)

Your safe now right? (ummm no, not ever but thanks for reminding me)

[Poodge]

"You going to pop soon" - Really? Because I think that would be bad for everyone involved. I mean what does that even mean?

[Amy May]

"Should you be doing that?"

(In response to modified ab work during a fitness class)

[LaBruja]

We don't know the gender of our baby. Literally almost EVERY person who asks, upon being told that we don't know, takes one look at me and then confidently announces "Oh it's definitely a boy!"....erm, yeah...got a direct line to my uterus, do ya? The sad thing is it's making me hope it's NOT a boy just so all of those people will be proven wrong.

And AmyMay, I hear ya...the next person who says "Should you really be doing that?" is going to be on the receiving end of a wicked right hook.

[AKChix0r]

At least people are ASKING the question instead of insisting that you shouldn't "be doing that!" Stop telling me what I can't do! I'm pregnant, not handicapped!

[Amy May]

We're not finding out the sex either.  People ask, "do you know what you're having?" and we'll tell them we're waiting to find out once the baby is born (or sometimes I'll say, "hopefully a human baby.")  Just about all of the time, people will tell us, "good, that's how its supposed to be," or "ooh, its better to have the surprise anyway."  Then why do they ask in the first place if they think a surprise is better?!?!?!

Originally Posted by LaBruja 

We don't know the gender of our baby. Literally almost EVERY person who asks, upon being told that we don't know, takes one look at me and then confidently announces "Oh it's definitely a boy!"....erm, yeah...got a direct line to my uterus, do ya? The sad thing is it's making me hope it's NOT a boy just so all of those people will be proven wrong.

And AmyMay, I hear ya...the next person who says "Should you really be doing that?" is going to be on the receiving end of a wicked right hook.

[akind1]

We have a little boy already, and this one is a girl. Some of the odd things people say:

"so they are absolutely sure it's a girl?" (Answer: as sure as we can be. got a good look :))

"are you done then, since you have one of each?" (Answer: probably not. we'd like one more)

and then DH's aunt said something to the effect of we have our "replacements" or something evolutionary like that. Like we've done our bit to repopulate the earth. Can't remember exactly. - but this bugged me in that my desire to have children, and how many, has absolutely nothing to do with the global population.

Not from this pregnancy, but from my first pregnancy - the same aunt - when I told her I was seeing midwives and not an OB (everyone asks who your OB is, why?) - and she asked if I were having a homebirth, I said no, they are hospital based. she said "I"m so relieved!" I didn't know of any local homebirth midwives during that pregnancy, else I may have gone that route . . .but sheesh!

[penguintattoo]

The other day at work one of my co workers told me I was really starting to pop out, then proceeded to ask if I was sure it wasn't twins....Three times!!! I didn't think I was that big!

I just took this on Saturday!

[KristinaMarie]

30 Weeks with twins. Don't mind the dirty mirror :)

[KristinaMarie]

39w5d with my son. I am carrying lower, but about the same size as I am currently with twins.

[Amy May]

FWIW, KristinaMarie, to me you definitely don't look 39 weeks pregnant right now, even with twins.  Just my opinion, but I wouldn't have even guessed you were carrying twins, but I do think you look like a ~30 week pregnant mamma (and beautifully pregnant).

[penguintattoo]

Wow KristinaMarie You look amazing for 30 weeks with twins, I definitely wouldn't have guessed you were pregnant with twins either!

[Aprilmoon1]

I also get the "should you being doing that?" question, especially during yoga classes (I am a yoga instructor, so I sometimes tell them this so they know I know what I am doing - not that it justifies their question!).

My least favorite is people assuming I am close to my due date (I am 27 weeks). I LOOK 27 weeks but it still makes me feel terrible. And then I get mad at myself for caring what others think!

[~pi]

I am also getting a few doubting comments here and there. When I showed up somewhere on my bicycle yesterday, I got a shocked, "Does your doctor allow you to ride your bike?" and responded a little snottily, "It isn't up to my doctor to make that decision."

[brennan]

Two lately that have kind of confused me

"I think you need to go on a diet young lady"  Said by an older lady, jokingly.  It was kind of cute.  But then later that evening another lady said "that baby needs to go on a diet".  Is it a trend lately or something?  Honestly the first one didn't bug me until the second.

I have been getting the "when are you due" and then "OH so you still have a while to go"(said with shock) as kind of I guess a polite way of saying I'm huge.  Thanks.

[NuzzleNudge]

Originally Posted by LaBruja 

We don't know the gender of our baby. Literally almost EVERY person who asks, upon being told that we don't know, takes one look at me and then confidently announces "Oh it's definitely a boy!"....erm, yeah...got a direct line to my uterus, do ya? The sad thing is it's making me hope it's NOT a boy just so all of those people will be proven wrong.

And AmyMay, I hear ya...the next person who says "Should you really be doing that?" is going to be on the receiving end of a wicked right hook.

 We didn't know the gender either, and EVERYONE was saying it was going to be a boy, mostly, cuz I was "Way out there" Or "Carrying all in front". Near the end of my pregnancy Someone said that it looks like a boy for that reason, to which I said: "Really? Does the Penis Really Make that big of a difference in how you carry? I mean, It's only this big [  ]" She kinda stepped back and thought for a second. "HUh I don't know why they say that. I never thought of it that way." I ended up having a Baby Girl BTW!

More than once I would get surrounded and cornered by a group of ladies who would ask the 'normal' questions. "When are you due, Where are you having it, who's your doc..." When I would go into the fact that I am having a homebirth with a midwife, they would inevitablly pull out their own horror stories of 'Homebirths they heard about' or "If I hadn't had my baby in a hospital it would have died' or '47 Hour labor, Pain Pain Pain, Distress..." And I couldn't get away! And they wouldn't really be talking to me cuz by that time I was kinda like, "Zoning out!" So they would just talk among themselves while keeping me from escaping.

 One lady told me that her friend was having a home birth, but had to transfer and have a C-Section because the baby was sunny side up and WOULD HAVE DROWNED coming out vaginally!?! I was like, "Well, I'm having a waterbirth so my kid is SCREWED!"

[beautifulmoon]

I'm wondering, is there a neutral way to deflect these questions? As I mentioned in the chat thread, I'm a cashier in a food co-op, and most of the time people are truly lovely and supportive. But once in a while, I get a customer who is a little screwy or just rude. I want to know a way to stop the flow of questions without losing my composure or my job.

For example, yesterday a woman and her family came through my line and when she found out when I was due, she began frowning and shaking her head and telling me I was too big with long, doleful looks of reproach. It really bothers me because I have a tendency to be overcontrolling about food when stressed. I was underweight when I started this pregnancy, so I've worked very hard to gain the amount recommended by my midwives. These comments usually trigger a bout of disordered eating until I shake it loose and get back on track.

Any ideas?

[puente]

Beautifulmoon, *hugs* and lots of empathy on getting spun into a bout of disordered eating by those sorts of comments.  I'm overweight but I do the same thing and a situation like this would totally get in my head.

I really I had something better to suggest, but all I have is the classic, "Oh you think so?  My medical provider is so pleased with me and says that I'm doing absolutely perfectly." in a chipper, upbeat sort of tone.  The tone is important as you could sound defensive, but if you are just responding to the comment she said conversationally, I think it would be fine and might stop her.  If she keeps going, just smile, say "We'll see, I guess!" and Change the Topic. 
 

Originally Posted by beautifulmoon 

I'm wondering, is there a neutral way to deflect these questions? As I mentioned in the chat thread, I'm a cashier in a food co-op, and most of the time people are truly lovely and supportive. But once in a while, I get a customer who is a little screwy or just rude. I want to know a way to stop the flow of questions without losing my composure or my job.

For example, yesterday a woman and her family came through my line and when she found out when I was due, she began frowning and shaking her head and telling me I was too big with long, doleful looks of reproach. It really bothers me because I have a tendency to be overcontrolling about food when stressed. I was underweight when I started this pregnancy, so I've worked very hard to gain the amount recommended by my midwives. These comments usually trigger a bout of disordered eating until I shake it loose and get back on track.

Any ideas?

[mommy212]

Not pregnant anymore, but when I was I was pretty young (18) and have always looked very young, like 14 or 15, and got some obnoxious comments like:

"oh you poor thing, how old are you?" None of your frickin business, thank you! ugh

"Well I think you're doing a great thing by keeping it" WOW really? 

"Do you know who the father is?" This one was the worst! Just because I'm young doesn't mean I'm a slut! I didn't go get drunk at a party and get knocked up! BAH ><