Mama....all I can say is that things will continue to get better. My HN DS is now two (as of 8 days ago) and I'm telling you, I don't even recognize this child. He is still intense, very phsyically active kid who is in to everything...he still needs to snuggle me all night and when he gets tired he is very clingy to me and all of that...but it's all starting to feel SO normal.
When he was a baby and even as recently as last spring...I didn't know how long I was going to be able to keep it up. When I was pregnant with him, I never expected a baby "like that"...I would read other mothers words about their HN kids and would just be like "oh man, I can't believe some people have to endure that" - and NEVER imagined it would happen to me. DD was just a perfectly happy, never crying, always sleeping or eating or cooing little baby girl.
The infancy with my son was earth shattering. But you know what I realize now?? All the times I didn't give up on him, that I held him and rocked him and walked him even though it seemed to do absolutely nothing to help. All the times I stayed sweet and loving and spoke in a soft, soothing voice even though I just wanted to put him on the back porch and let him scream or hide in the bathroom and cry and ignore the whole world....that time and energy and constant pouring out of love bought me something.
The connection I have with this child is so deep, so intense and so loving that I can sometimes hardly stand it. I love my DD so much...her gentle, happy nature. She is a perfect helper and my right hand lady in everything I do.....but my son is like, a deep well of intense emotion and is SO so so sweet and loving to me. He and I are so connected and share such an amazing relationship. He's the love of my life. It's TRUE! I love my husband like I love the moon and stars.....but when I look into my sons face, I'm filled with a sense that he was sent to me...and that I was meant to receive him on this earth.
Never second guess that you are doing the right thing. It is taking so much more work....yes....but every mama I know who has parented a truly HN kid has said that the pay-off you get for all that time and love and tears and sleeplessness is worth it.
At the time, so sleepy and frustrated, I would have said "Oh god, I'd do anything for an easier kid" - but now that I'm through all that, I wouldn't trade it for anything. My son didn't cry because he enjoyed it. He was honestly working through something, there was something going on with him (and I'll never know what it was) that made him cry. I didn't put him down to CIO, I didn't get mad at him.....I stayed by his side, rocked him through the hard times and we went through it TOGETHER. That really built something for us....and when I hold him and we talk and giggled in bed and he strokes my face and tells me sweet little babbly things....I know he is appreciative of all the time I put in, of the journey I took with him. He may not remember it...or maybe he does. I don't know. But I do know that the sense he gets, is that I've been there for him and that he can always come to me and be okay...I know he loves me and trusts me to the core of his being and it brightens my every day to be around him and see the amazing relationships he has formed with our other family members (ESPECIALLY DD, they ADORE each other) now that he is not crying all day.
Before you know it.....that kid is going to be two, into everything, charming the whole world and making you so happy all the time. If he is an intense guy...he's just going to be that. But there are a whole bunch of different ways that an intense personality can play out. I know for my son, when he was a baby, if I had to sum up his personality in honest terms....it would have been "Desperately clingy crying machine" - and even though he still has his moments and is still VERY attached to me....he has absolutely blossomed over the last few months with his ability to communicate getting better all the time, and at this point I would describe him as "Deeply and intensely sweet and loving family clown".
Hang in. <3