Hi there! My son is severly disabled (he is wheelchair bound) but we don't rely on services so I can't answer your questions regarding that. I do know that if you live in San Mateo County, you can look into the Golden Gate regional center for services...
For me (and we recently moved to Humboldt county due to the cons)...here is a list of pros and cons:
-The Bay Area/Peninsula has MANY fun activities for families.
-The weather is fantastic.
-Schools get high ratings (we homeschool, but I've read/heard about the quality).
Cons (we rented a duplex in Menlo Park, fwiw):
-The area is VERY, VERY wealthy. What that meant in our day to day: nannies galore, a HUGE sense of entitlement, people remodeling their multi-million dollar homes left and right and talking about it on the playground ("should we spend a million or less?" friend responds (actual conversation I overheard) "definitely a million...you don't want them cutting corners!"), perfectionism (read: NOT Special Needs friendly), extreme cut-throat competition (my older dd learned to ride a bike fairly young, which I didn't think much of, and the comments were mind blowing!!)
-Due to this extreme wealth, the area has a VERY high cost of living. We paid $2750 for an 1100 sq ft duplex in horrible condition. We moved out last month and our EXTREMELY wealthy landlord kept our ENTIRE security deposit to put the place back on the market ($3200!!!!!!!!) and is now lisitng it for $3450!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At any rate, my experience sucked. My husband worked hard and made a good salary $95,000...but in that area, we were dirt poor. It doesn't feel good to be so disenfranchised (financially or socially)(from having a disabled child)