Well, I haven't read over all the replies and I am a SAHM who took hubbies name (for full disclosure). Maybe some of it is the area you live? I just refinanced our mortgage- some stuff was in both DH and my name and some exclusively in mine due to our finances when the house was first purchased. I have done all the research, paperwork, discussions etc always putting DH first as he is the one breadwinner in the family. Yesterday I received a call from the agent asking if I wanted DH listed on the deed and the insurance as he was not previously. I told him of course and he told me he has completed so many in just the wife's name recently he wanted to make sure we were to both be listed on everything.
At the car dealership the sales people (usually 20-40 yr old men) always defer to me about decisions. It's possibly b/c I state right out we are a family and need such and such in a vehicle but they go through me and then I let DH deal with the paperwork b/c I dont want to and he likes to haggle. Our last purchase the dealer repeatedly tried to get me to join in the office but I was chasing around two little ones and just did not want to. The interesting thing is I live in the rural south.
Maybe some places are different than others or maybe I just don't pick up on some of the stuff but just a story to let you know that maybe things are progressing.
Maybe for some or the other stuff we just need to give each other a break. I am happy as a SAHM, I have a friend who loves her kids daycare and would never want to quit work as well as another who will probably never have kids, we all love each other for who we are. I agree you should have insisted on your name on the sheets and maybe educated the office staff about what was going on but for some of this stuff let people be where they are happy.