Warning Your children aren't even safe in your locked yard from sex offenders!! (possible trigger)

[allgirlhouse]

[Warning: possibly triggering]

Recently, I found out my neighbor has been taking my 2 1/2 yr olds over my back yard fence. The police are involved and it has been 5 months and they are still investigating. I can't talk much about what happened since he hasn't been arrested yet!  

It just sickens me and when I tell someone they can't believe that he took them over the fence. They even look at me like I'm crazy! We live in very nice neighborhood, he is a retired fireman, married and has grandchildren. So don't trust ANYONE! I talked to this person everyday and never suspected a thing. I even have a dog in my back yard that hates everyone!  His yard is at a higher than mine with a retaining wall. I would of never dreamed of anyone being able to reach over a fence and taking my kids! If I didn't catch him with one of my dd in his garage it could still be happening! He knew my schedule when I did homework with my older dd and took them (twins) only for a short period of time. Long enough time though. Again, I can't say much of what happened. I just read how a lot of people ask when they need to start talking about private parts. Do it by 2 at least! These sick people make things seem like a game to 2 yr olds. I'm a overly cautious parent. I won't let anyone watch my children..even before this. I was so in shock for the first 3 mths! At first I was in denial for 2 days! I'm so glad I had a dad that is a cop so I knew what to do. I'm over the guilt feeling and because I know I didn't do anything wrong. I had my children in a locked tall fenced area. Another thing I want to say. Don't think its Cute to let your children run around naked in your back yard. Someone might see them! I let my girls play in a baby pool naked and run around naked sometimes. I was always there but who knows this creep could of been watching. I immediately had my entire family start therapy when I found out. I'm just praying this child molester goes to jail. I know the way the justice system works but I'm still going crazy!  I'm sickened by what has happened but I'm so glad b/c it could of been worse! Hopefully with therapy, my girls will be okay. I know I will NEVER be the same. I want to get this guy off the streets so he don't hurt anyone else.   And he has no record or previous reported incidents. We live 2 blocks from an elementary school!! I don't usually ask people for prayers but please pray for justice. I pray no other family has to go thru this nightmare. Please kiss your babies and keep them safe! 

Edited by allgirlhouse - 2/21/12 at 10:20am

[MoonSparkle]

Dear allgirlhouse, my heart goes out to you... my prayers are with your family. I cannot help myself from crying! This is OUTRAGEOUS!!!!

I am a fan of Law and Order (all of it's franchises), although I admit that Special Victims Unit is hard to watch --but it is my favorite. There have been several episodes that have addressed the very situation you are going through.

Last night I watched an episode of L&O:SVU that chilled me to the bone. It addressed human trafficking and slavery: abducted children, children sold by their families, traded in the black market, kept chained in basements, malnourished, forced to sexual slavery and hard labor. Alarming. Revolting. Abominable. Unfathomable! Recently, there was an extract of an investigative report on Reader's Digest regarding slavery and human traffic, estimating that around 27 million people are slaves today. This is heartbreaking.

I KNOW MANY PEOPLE WHO PREFER NOT TO KNOW. PEOPLE SHOULD SEE THIS, LEST THEY TURN A BLIND EYE ON REALITY. There is so much evil in the world!

Just today I was telling my husband we should consider getting GPS chips implanted for the whole family... Extreme? I'm not so sure, anymore!

I will keep you in my prayers, and I will check back on your posts to keep up on your progress. Be strong.

Thank you for sharing. May your family achieve peace soon.

(I hope this beast receives the justice he deserves, worldly AND divine)

[nextcommercial]

Oh wow... I'd have never thought my kids weren't safe in a fenced yard!  (We have seven foot block wall) But, I imagine you have a chain link fence?  I would completely trust my toddlers outside alone in the back yard, and wouldn't ever have thought that someone would take them over the fence.

I might be less trusting on a corner lot with a four foot fence, but not in the middle of the block.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. 

[hildare]

frequently molesters will "groom" children for quite a while before anything sexual takes place.  i hope that is what was happening with you.

i hurt for you, and hope everyone recovers from this quickly.  ((hugs))

[NZJMama]

Sending prayers your way. What a traunatic experience for you.

[SilverFish]

i've flagged this post and am suspicious of its veracity. i'm sure it's potentially possible for something like this to happen, but an elaborate story like this from a brand new member with two posts? i am not buying it. 

a) shouldn't be talking about ongoing legal investigations online... it could be very damaging to the case.

b) sorry, but even if this is true, i'm still letting my kids play outside, and not even in a locked backyard. 

c) and yes, they will occasionally wear no clothes.

and finally, moonsparkle, you need to understand that CSI:SVU is a TV show. NOT real life, not based on reality. it is made to get ratings because people get a thrill out of watching scary things. 

i'll step off my high horse now, but the whole "omg the world is full of dangerous pedophiles ahhh lock up your kids" is an incredibly damaging and inherently overstated threat. 

Edited by SilverFish - 7/30/11 at 2:36pm

[MoonSparkle]

Alright, I walked right into that one... the TV show reference could only backfire... so yeah, I put myself right out there...

While my first impulse was to reply in all sarcasm ("oh no, silverfish, you ruined it for me!"), I realize that wouldn't be productive. So, silverfish, please rest assured that I am fully aware of the difference between reality and fiction. I do not need to understand diddly. In the case of L&O and it's spin-offs, the show has disclaimer stating the story is fictional and does not depict an actual person or event. Yet, many episodes make reference to real-life events.

The episodes may not DEPICT an event, nor do they follow the same story line; however, they do make loosely-based references to real-life ISSUES. I could list so many, but I found a fan site who did part of the work for me up to Season 8 (you may link to http://svufn.wikidot.com/whatissvu, scroll down to the section "Plot Inspirations"). To mention just a few recent episodes: the fortuitous case break of a missing child by a university police after years of being missing (Jaycee Dugard), a sexual PowerPoint presentation going viral on the internet (Duke University alumna), and most recently, a politician's love child scandal (Schwarzenegger).

As mentioned this fan site: "[...] many Law & Order: Special Victims Unit episodes are clear references to high-profile real-life cases, and are based on thinly-veiled dramatizations of these actual events, though the particulars and outcome may end up to be quite different."

Now, down to business...

First off, it is Law and Order: Special Victims Unit (L&O:SVU), not CSI; two different shows. That said:

a) it is your prerogative to flag a post you find offensive, inappropriate, dangerous, libelous, et al... kudos to you for being proactive.

b) nobody is telling you what to do with your children; to me it resonated more of a cautionary note for other parents to ALWAYS BE VIGILANT of the ever-present threat of predators (even familiar, seemingly reliable ones)

c) I am --personally-- all for the nude experience. I think nudity is natural, beautiful and enjoyable! Our children should have that right...

Furthermore, silverfish, although the post does seem a bit conspicuous, I felt this post came from a desperate mom who found a place to vent and search for support. God knows I have subscribed to other forums just for immediate answers or support they could provide me for a given issue (point in case, my single and only post on another parenthood site).

Finally, silverfish, as to the comment of such hype being damaging and an overstated threat, you are both right and wrong. Your point is valid, BUT:

I live in a third world country. I get to see and experience first-hand the threatening presence of violence, chaos and mayhem. I know for a fact that there are many, MANY permissive governments, with lax border and customs policies, bribable law enforcement, and indifferent people of an uninterested society.

Have you ever traveled abroad? I see you are in Montreal, and you are blessed to live in such a beautiful place. The rest of us in God-forsaken parts of the world are not so lucky. Did you know that in the tropical paradise that I live in many Canadians have been assaulted, raped, robbed, and murdered? So much so, that the agency luring Canadians to this paradise had to close shop. Sure, more keep coming in; I just hope they are brought in different conditions, forewarned and kept safe.

Now bare with me, I do not live in Colombia nor Mexico (both countries with a sad reputation of violence and infamous for high crime rates)... and I am not saying any of these happen to me daily, but these are the facts and it is the reality of living here:

1.- My brother-in-law has been abducted 3 times. By guerilla. Foreign guerilla, mind you. For ransom. He now pays a "vaccination" fee, which basically means he is "insured" by one of the mafias that operate in the quadrant where his cattle farm is located (there are several, so you may have to pay your dues to more than one).

2.- One of my father's business associates was abducted on one occasion. The man was high profile loan shark, had heavy contacts within the federal and regional government, as well as the underworld. He was held captive for about 5 months. They demanded an insanely high amount of money. He was able to negotiate his release by financing his ransom through a bank loan for the down payment and further installments over the course of a year. His daughter is now in charge of the family business. She still pays a "vaccine".

3- A close friend of mine was abducted and kept for captive for 7 months. He wasn't here for the birth of his first son. He was held captive in the mountains. He was rescued by the anti-abduction unit of the regional intelligence force. The only reason he was rescued alive was because one of the abductors --the one who lagged behind on his superior's command to kill the prisoner as they fled the scene-- had developed some kind of friendship with this guy (who was incidentally disgruntled at the "organization" due to the constant delays in the supply of provisions).

4.- An acquaintance from the upper crust of this city is now incarcerated because he had his young girlfriend assassinated, as she was threatening to tell the wife . Now, this one is a classic. His now ex-wife has a solid social standing here and is to inherit a large, prosperous business with international operations from her father. He cheated on her repeatedly, from early on in the relationship. My husband and I were under the impression that he married her for her money. He started "dating" this attractive girl who worked at the car dealership where he bought his latest car. He then went on to hire her to work for his comany (a sister company of his father-in-law's corporation). The relationship became steady, she was his "serious" girlfriend. Young, pretty, large silicone boobs (that he paid for); a walking billboard for plastic surgery, botox, silicon and bleach. He visited her regularly at her parent's house, like a boyfriend would. Apparently, he was stringing her along with the M word (marriage). Finally, she called his bluff and threatened to go to the wife (hoping to cause his divorce). You want to know the saddest part? The wife already knew, but chose overlook his affairs for the sake of their children and their marriage. He was fed up with this situation and couldn't seem to be able to shake the girl off. Somehow, this seems to have become a conversation with his lawyer, who then advised him to "get rid of her", for which he had "the right contacts". This sordid character organized the murder of a young girl for a client! This lawyer also happens to be a personal acquaintance of mine! Just to illustrate that you never know who's behind the face... btw, they are BOTH in prison now.

There are so many more... I have to admit that my relatives and friends are among the lucky few. Most abductees return to their families in a coffin, even after their families have paid the ransom (oftentimes with premiums). In this city alone, there are an average of 100 abductions per year (more or less, depending on the year). There is also the popular "express" abduction, where petty thieves kidnap their victims and hold them for under 24 hours, while chasing around the city cashing cheques at the bank or withdrawing money from ATMs.

Now, you may think I am making this up; after all I am just an online presence. I could be anybody I want, say anything I like!!! However, I could privately link you to news articles that corroborate everything I have told you (though some were kept from the news... I guess I could hunt down copies of the police files, though I don't think I'd do it --sorry!).

Kidnap is a reality I have to live with. Hence the GPS chip conversation with my husband...

I am not a recluse. I have traveled around 17 countries --and counting! I backpacked (didn't hitchhike; not safe). I have met all sorts of characters. I am thankful for the incredible experiences, and I am grateful that I am now safely home, in a single piece.

You may feel that I am b*llsh*ttin' you. You may flag my comment, if you feel compelled to. But be aware: the world, the REAL world is not a reflection of your lovely bubble. I have seen evil. I know it's lurking in the dark, shady corners of life. Yet, I choose to live, and live fully. Just aware. Vigilant. And conscious that it may strike, even if I (naively) believe I am being thorough.

SORRY EVERYONE FOR THE SUPERLONG POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S.- A friend's first husband turned out to be a sex offender. She married her highschool sweetheart, a nice guy actively involved in their church, highly regarded within their tight community. It turns out he had a habit of exposing himself to children around the neighborhood they lived in!!! There is a school 2 blocks away from their house!! She was completely unaware about this aspect of her spouse's life. She found out when the police came to her house, during the course of the investigation.... she was understandably shocked. Only God knows what he was working his way up to. Perhaps he was just warming up to bigger and greater thrills. I hope (and pray) this guy was stopped in time!

*ahem* Canadian, by the way; my friend, her ex, and the neighborhood. I guess you could call that "close to home".

[Cynthia Mosher]

Thread closed for review.

This thread will remain closed pending my email discussion with the OP. 

[Cynthia Mosher]

After emailing with the OP I am reopening this thread. She has clarified her situation and her need to have this discussion and provided information to me that gives me reason to believe her need for advice and support. 

Questioning the sincerity of a new member posting such a story and flagging of a post for that reason is perfectly appropriate and appreciated. We rely on members to help us protect the integrity of our community. But posting to call this discussion "bs" is out of line. We expect our members to uphold the user agreement which asks that you post with respect and courtesy, even when you are suspicious of or in disagreement with another member. 

[Adaline'sMama]

OP,
I'm glad you have a place to turn for support.

This is a really insane situation, and Im really sorry you have had to deal with it. Im angry that the police have not arrested your neighbor. Hopefully, Hildare is right and he was just grooming them. I hope nothing has happened to them, and Ill be thinking of you and your situation.


Crazy things happen in this world that are beyond our control, but I think it is important to remember that its not likely. Someone could carjack you and any given moment and steal your kids, someone could come into your house with a gun and kill you and your whole family, someone could force you to do horrible things and threaten to cut off your fingers if you dont. These things have all happened, and could happen at any moment, but us living in fear of these events happening is not healthy. Its okay to let your children run around and play in a kiddie pool in your back yard. The OP's neighbor isnt everyone's neighbor. We cant fear every single thing that might happen. Honestly, I would be more afraid of letting my kids play unsupervised in a kiddie pool (the op didnt say she was doing this, so im not trying to direct this at her) than I would be afraid of someone snatching my kid. I know it happens, and its horrible when it does, but we cant let it run our lives.

[allgirlhouse]

The suspect groomed my whole family. Making us think he was an "outstanding grandfather figure" and I wish I had known this before. And I'm not trying to scare anyone about leaving their kids in their back yard. I just read some people reporting they had a registered sex offender next door and they weren't worried b/c they had a fenced yard. I have a wooden tall fence but his yard was elevated above mine so he simply stood on a retaining wall and asked the girls to lift their arms up. I caught him with one of them in his garage. I couldn't find my dd and I noticed his door open. I was so afraid and knew it wasn't good. I just wanted her back safe. I had to ask him if she was there over the fence. I didn't question why he would take a 3 yr old in the garage "I was just showing her something."  I have a very large house and I have a older daughter that doesn't like to do her homework. I have to sit with her so she does it. I left my back door to the yard open so the twin and the dogs could come and go as they pleased. I also have a dog that hates everyone and he liked the creep! 

Edited by allgirlhouse - 2/21/12 at 10:06am

[sosurreal09]

OP I am so sorry this is happening to you and your family. My heart goes out to your children. I will pray for your family and pray that man is served justice. If not in this life, he will certainly in the next.

[Adaline'sMama]

I highly suggest that you remove your daughter's picture (unless its just a stock photo, which she is cute enough to go in a picture frame) from you avatar immediately. The police have told you not to talk to anyone about this issue, so if I were you I would ONLY post about this issue under your current username. Previously, members have used a guest account to discuss issues like this, and then posted in other threads with their original username. The purpose for this is to not leak your identity to anyone through any other threads or forums. i think this is probably the best way to keep you and your family safe. Im sure if you PM a mod they can give you more information.


Hopefully, the DA will NOT decide not to prosecute him, but if they do, I highly suggest you looking for a new place to live. I don't think it is fair to make your children live next door to their abuser, especially if no legal action is being taken against him. Also, I wanted to say that it is totally normal for children to not want to tell their parents about what happened. You never know how adults will react, but I think almost every child fears that their parents will be mad at them. Please dont be upset at your daughter for not telling you right away. The last thing a child needs in this situation is for their mom to start making things about her. Not that you are doing that, but I know its easy to do.

[allgirlhouse]

I agree thank you.

Edited by allgirlhouse - 2/21/12 at 10:08am

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 



Hopefully, the DA will NOT decide not to prosecute him, but if they do, I highly suggest you looking for a new place to live.

I could totally see how this could be easily misread. Please notice that I am saying that hopefully the DA will NOT make the decision to NOT prosecute him. (could have avoided this confusion if I had typed "Hopefully the DA will prosecute him". If they do not prosecute him, I dont think its fair to make your kids live next door to him. You mentioned that you live in an expensive neighborhood. That obviously hasnt protected you from creeps, so if he isnt prosecuted I would personally downgrade to another house in a cheaper neighborhood just to not have to live next door to him. Regardless of where your daughter wants to go to school, it is not healthy for children to have to live next door to the person that molested them (believe me, I know) regardless of how big and bad of a mama you want to prove to him that you are. Remember, he didnt do this to you, he did it to your kids.


Hopefully, where you live isnt even a question because he will be convicted, go to jail, and not be able to live there when he gets out. Thankfully you live next to a school, otherwise he might just be able to move back in. I dont want to scare you, but a lot of child molesters are not put away for "a long long time". Most of them get a ridiculously short sentence. You should be prepared to have to deal with that, even though its totally not fair and puts more children in danger.

1. my grandfather who raped my 6 year old sister spent 1.5 years in jail for it before he was beaten to death. His sentence was 2 years, so thank god someone took care of that for us.

2. The man who molested my other sister in the same way your 9 yo DD described wasnt charged because there was no witness and the court said that there was no way to prove it.

3. The man who molested my best friend in high school (when she was 8) got 2 years and moved right back in next door to her.

4. Another abuser spent 8 months in jail for molesting someone when she was 7 and then spent a year on house arrest- right next door to the little girl and her two sisters.

5. There is a mama on MDC right now whose child has been molested and there has been no action against the man, even though there is concrete physical proof.


I know people who have spent longer than this in jail for pot, driving without a license, and shoplifting.

[allgirlhouse]

My only goal is to get this guy on the registered sex offenders list so others know about him. Plus that forces him to have to move away from the school and us! If he pleas guilty he will probably get less than a year, ankle monitor and on the list. But if he don't he could get more than 11 yrs if found guilty. We will be there to make sure he gets something! We now have court in a month if they don't reschedule it. 

Edited by allgirlhouse - 2/21/12 at 10:13am

[allgirlhouse]

I also want to let people know I'm new to this forums and chat type things. I'm usually on and off computer fast because I don't have a lot of time to be sitting around. I get can only get on here as the kids are snacking or eating meals. I have to read and type as fast as I can to get back to my daily busy routine.  I'm not the greatest typer either. Thankfully they have spell check! My twins take up my whole time. One of them still gets into EVERYTHING!

[mattemma04]

 I have read a few stories of little kids being taken out of fenced yards,so I know it can happen.Little comfot I know,but thank goodness your kids are still alive.Most never make it home again.

Personally I think the sex offender list is a joke.It doesn't really protect,but may give you a false sense of security.Lets face it-when the moment is right even someone who has never *acted out* make take the leap.

[Neera]

I was molested on 3 different ocassions and never told my mother because, yes, i was afraid. the first time i was too little to know what the hell was going on but i have a vivid memory of what happened. I continue to live with a lot of anger. What a monster. I  have never lived in a house. can't u put barbed wire so this guy can never ever reach out and grab ur girls again when u r distracted. you have too many reasons to not move. but, eventually, for your sanity and health when the mkt. picks up it might be a good decision. having to live next to such bad energy will become a drain on ur family.

 to you and your dc. hope this guy is gone for a long, long time. I will be praying for you.

[Greenlea]

I have to say, your DH must be very strong willed or hoping the justice system gets this guy, cuz I know my DH would kill that man if he did that to a child of mine.  I'm not saying your DH should or anything, I just know that I never told anyone about being molested for fear of what my Dad would do to the guy.  Do you fear your DH will do something to your neighbor?