Warning Your children aren't even safe in your locked yard from sex offenders!! (possible trigger) - Page 2

[mamazee]

I would encourage anyone whose DH would go after the guy to think about how that will affect the kids. The kids need their daddy now more than ever, and for him to go to jail would add another huge trauma. And remember kids blame themselves for everything. I'd hate for a dad to go to prison and the children to feel like it was their fault. The kids need their dad!

Hugs to you and your family, OP, and to anyone else who has had this happen.

[allgirlhouse]

Right now my DH and I trying to be patient. We do not want to do anything drastic.  Why would we want to put ourselves in debt selling out house if the police end up arresting him?  The police are working on the case and they said they want to make sure they have everything covered before they want to even attempt an arrest. They said if there are more victims that makes the case stick better. And I did get a call back from Chadwick requesting we come back in for another interview to discuss additional evidence. So I'm hoping things are wrapping up. I myself am seeing 2 therapist. A normal therapist and a sort of stress therapist. It has helped. At first I was screaming and hollering all the time because I was so frustrated and was scared. I was scared b/c the suspect didn't know the police were doing an investigation. Once he found out, he got an attorney right away and now he is totally afraid of us. He rarely even comes out of his house. He has his vehicle in his garage so if he goes some where, its straight out of the garage and straight back in. He has his wife get the mail and he no longer walks his dog. (of course the creep has a cute little dog to attract child) Anyway, I'm taking it day by day and my girls seem to be okay living here still.  At first I had a hard time getting them to understand not to talk to him if they did see him but the therapist now has them understanding what he did was wrong. The suspect was playing games with them that they thought were "fun." Kids are innocent and don't understand if it don't hurt and they are getting rewarded with a goodie so why is it wrong. ugh. I am just grateful that something worse didn't happen to my girls. It is bad enough but at least I still have my babies or he didn't hurt them worse! I just want to make sure he is stopped!

Edited by allgirlhouse - 2/21/12 at 10:24am

[allgirlhouse]

I was looking around on the forum for something about Molesting and STD's. I have to take my dd's back to Chadwick for another exam. They will probably ask if I want to test for STD's since they found out more has happened. It sickens me. In my mind I keep telling myself this was a 70 yr old married man, would he have some kind of disease? Should I put my child though the testing? I guess it depends on how they test. 

Edited by allgirlhouse - 2/21/12 at 10:01am

[Cynthia Mosher]

I edited the title of this thread to mention the possibility of a trigger for anyone reading it who might have experienced trauma. I have also included a line in the beginning of the OP just to make sure anyone clicking on the link from New Posts or somewhere else will be aware before they read the thread. 

[motherof3babes]

Thank you for prayers.  

http://www.10news.com/news/30376159/detail.html

[vermontgirl]

I am sorry this is happening to your family, but truthfully I am always shocked with what some parents are comfortable. You wouldn't leave a million dollars in your backyard without watching it...why would you let your wee little children run around in the yard without supervision. Anything can happen. I am sorry, but this wouldn't have happened to my family.

[Mom31]

Vermontgirl- this is not the time or the place to discuss that.

To the mother who is going thru this- my heart goes out to you. I am praying for your family and glad to see action was taken.

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by vermontgirl 

I am sorry this is happening to your family, but truthfully I am always shocked with what some parents are comfortable. You wouldn't leave a million dollars in your backyard without watching it...why would you let your wee little children run around in the yard without supervision. Anything can happen. I am sorry, but this wouldn't have happened to my family.

First of all, this is completely inappropriate. This mom has been through enough.

Second, you can fool youself into thinking your kids couldn't be victimized, but kids are abused much much much much more often by people they're entrusted to by their parents, or by their parents, than they are taken out of their yards and victimized. If you think you're keeping anything bad from happening because you don't let your kids play outdoors unsupervised ever, you're fooling yourself about where the danger is. I recommend the book Protecting The Gift.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by vermontgirl 

I am sorry this is happening to your family, but truthfully I am always shocked with what some parents are comfortable. You wouldn't leave a million dollars in your backyard without watching it...why would you let your wee little children run around in the yard without supervision. Anything can happen. I am sorry, but this wouldn't have happened to my family.

This makes me see red. This is another version of "blame the victim" only this time it's "blame the victims' mother". It's not an appropriate place for this debate.

Edited to take our irrelevant material

Edited by LynnS6 - 2/24/12 at 10:32am

[Virginia Mom]

wow....this can turn into such an explosive thread.  mommie....my heart goes out to you and your little ones.............I know that we all read your post and others and we all have different ideas and of course everyone would have done things in their own way (what's that phrase...hindsight is 50/50?)......but let's look at the NOW...not the before.......NOW we have a situtation....kids who have been victimized and a Mom who will probably always feel that mommie guilt..........but some things to consider............I thought I read that this predator was a retired firefighter and a grandpa........that means ....he may have ties to the community...........that means that your children are not the first he's (approached, OR? )...and while this may seem off the wall, and is no way meant to be disrespectful, but have you retained a lawyer for you.....some defense attornies of these monsters will not only say that the child was not harmed,but put the blame on you that you left them alone at such a young age,...etc etc....so look into representation in case that gets thrown at you.....(you'd be surprised at the crap that's out there).it is also a possiblity that you will get bothered by the community if people assume this guy is innocent --so be prepared for that as well............and if the local authorities won't do what is necessary, then go federal....there are some federal laws in regards to kidnapping which may apply here....(google your local fbi page, and call the local office to whomever is working the 'phone desk' and go from there............).  ...also, for other mommies, check out your state police website and search the sex offender registry.....but remember, just because they aren't on the registry, doesn't mean they aren't safe. Again, my heart goes out to your 2 1/2 year old babies....the only good thing is that they are young enough to hopefully never remember any of this........

[pauletoy]

Originally Posted by motherof3babes 

Thank you for prayers.  

http://www.10news.com/news/30376159/detail.html

This may not bother you but this article contains your first and last name. Considering this is a criminal proceeding, you might want to be more anonymous in an online forum. Your personal safety is important!

[meemee]

i think its very sweet you are pointing this out - but i am not sure if the OP is really here on this forum. she wanted to come and give us a warning that this does go on. in fact its great that she came back under another name to follow up and tell us what happened. its not everyday that we get to know how things turned out. 
 

Originally Posted by pauletoy 

This may not bother you but this article contains your first and last name. Considering this is a criminal proceeding, you might want to be more anonymous in an online forum. Your personal safety is important!

[LionessMom]

stories like this are what make me so protective of my children. people call me paranoid, say it doesnt happen all that often. it does. it happened to my mom. it happened to me. it happened to my son. all varying degrees. most women i know have had something like that happen to them. most men wouldnt admit it but i have heard stories from personal friends. it has been happening since time began. it happens alot more often than people think. i for one, do not walk around thinking it would not happen to my kids, or let myself be reassured that it is highly unlikely to happen. it is slightly likely to happen. so i talk to my kids from a young age. i watch my children like a hawk. i have learned to relax a little as i was becoming too paranoid. but no too much. 

to the op- i am so so sorry that this happened to your children. i know how it feels. i am thinking of them and praying for their healing from this. i am glad you came forward to tell your story. more parents need to realize how likely it really is to happen. <<hugs>> 

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by LionessMom 

stories like this are what make me so protective of my children. people call me paranoid, say it doesnt happen all that often. it does. it happened to my mom. it happened to me. it happened to my son. all varying degrees. most women i know have had something like that happen to them. most men wouldnt admit it but i have heard stories from personal friends. it has been happening since time began. it happens alot more often than people think. i for one, do not walk around thinking it would not happen to my kids, or let myself be reassured that it is highly unlikely to happen. it is slightly likely to happen. so i talk to my kids from a young age. i watch my children like a hawk. i have learned to relax a little as i was becoming too paranoid. but no too much. 

to the op- i am so so sorry that this happened to your children. i know how it feels. i am thinking of them and praying for their healing from this. i am glad you came forward to tell your story. more parents need to realize how likely it really is to happen. <<hugs>> 

Welll to be clear, I do think sexual abuse happens often, just not from strangers or out of people's yards. I think it generally happens in people's houses by people either within the family or whom the family entrusts the children to.

And I'm verry sorry for what you and your family members have gone through. Hugs to you.

[meemee]

yup i agree with this. i dont think we have still figured out a sure shot safety from sexual abuse. i know that no matter how i try i may not be able to protect my own child from sexual abuse. yet i have to live in a way that gives my child the freedom she needs. its a hard place to be. 
 

Originally Posted by mamazee 


Welll to be clear, I do think sexual abuse happens often, just not from strangers or out of people's yards. I think it generally happens in people's houses by people either within the family or whom the family entrusts the children to.
And I'm verry sorry for what you and your family members have gone through. Hugs to you.

[help007]

I can't imagine learning something so upending about what you considered to be a safe home.  I really, truly wish I could give you a hug.

Because you have been through such an ordeal, I want to suggest a book, "Protecting The Gift:  keeping children & teenagers safe (& parents sane)" by Gavin DeBecker.  He also wrote, "The Gift of Fear" with the description, "True fear is a gift. Unwarranted fear is a curse. Learn how to tell the difference."  Both books offer research based advice on how to detect the signs that someone could be an abuser, and how to trust your instincts.  This book really helped me feel both empowered (like I could really DO SOMETHING if needed, and I knew how to teach my kids to be smart, confident, and not afraid) and relaxed (that I had done what is useful and reasonable, and I didn't have to mistrust the entire world for the 0.1% who are actually a danger).  I know what to look for when meeting new people with whom my kids will interact, and I know to trust my instincts regardless of what things seem on the surface. 

The fact that someone would do what your neighbor did is a glaring warning sign of a person who does not know boundaries.  I'm sad that we live at a time when some parents would be afraid of letting a healthy, able toddler play in a safe, contained backyard.