Needing to vent my frustration....

[mytwomonkies]

So, my husband was not breastfed as a child...I don't know if there's a single person in his family that breastfed. He has never quite understood the whole breastfeeding thing but I guess he has tried his best to be supportive about it. He's always been uncomfortable when I nurse in public. I weaned our first when she was a year old (which I do regret a lot of the time) and he had no problems with that. Well, I'm currently nursing our second who is about to turn 2...I'm sure you can tell where I'm going with this. I've known for a while that he feels like she's too old to be nursing but we just never really discussed it much. Today  it came up somehow and he told me he feels like it's time to wean her. I was very abrupt and told him that it's not his decision, that it's completely between me and our daughter. Of course that was not received well. We discussed it for a few minutes and I finally told him that the longer we discussed it the more furious I would get. So we left it at that. I am FURIOUS!

I don't want this to be a source of tension between us, I really don't. But I do feel like this is my decision and that I'm the only one that can know when the both of us are ready to wean. How do I help him to understand this!?

[zoe77]

I'm sort of in the same boat but my son is about to turn 3 next week and my husband was breastfed (along with his 4 siblings).  I think you should definitely have an open discussion about it because making your husband feel like he has no say will probably just make it worse.  I plan on doing just that this weekend.  We've had short discussions and he has implied a few times that our son should not continue to nurse past 3 but I really want to get everything out on the table.  Maybe have some articles on natural age of weaning handy.  I really like this one:  http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html

I've debated whether I will offer my husband the compromise of "keeping it in the closet".  Part of me thinks it might be worth it to keep the peace at home but another part of me thinks it's ridiculous to have to hide the fact that I'm still nursing my toddler.  Maybe I'll take a don't offer don't refuse approach :)

Good luck to you!!  If all else fails maybe getting a marriage counselor involved would help.  That will probably be my next step if our talk this weekend doesn't go well. 

[mammal_mama]

Both my girls nursed until well past the age of four and weaned when they were ready. Dh was always supportive -- but, even if he hadn't been, this is one area where I really do feel that it is totally between the child and the mother.

That's because, if I'd weaned them, the effect on my relationship with each of them would have been HUGE -- but the effect on dh's relationship with them would have been nonexistent. A husband insisting that his wife has to wean a nursing child is insisting that she put both her child and herself through an emotional ringer while he, in most cases, goes on his way unperturbed.