I'm irritable and taking it out on my son.

[ContentMama]

I need to get this off my chest, as I feel a mixture of mama guilt and irritation.

I am going through many life changes right now. My fiance and I split end of May (we were together 9 years), I am looking for housing for ds and I, and starting a business as well! So the money is coming in but not quite flowing yet.

I am looking to buy because the mortgage would be significantly lower than rents in the area. It requires a chunk upfront though of course and I'm not seeing where that is..

Long story short, all this mixed with major sleep issues and I am IRRITABLE! This morning ds was crying, crying, crying cause he was tired and woke too early and I snapped and yelled at him. It's not the first time. Ah! Then I feel bad about snapping, see how he gets more clingy with me and just feel even worse. Then I get him down for a nap and he sleeps 1/2 hour :( he'll usually go at least 1.5 hours. So then I am more irritated.

He is with his nana now so I can work. He didn't really want to leave me it seemed. (they are in the house and we visit/nurse throughout the day so it's not like I'm away for 6 hours straight).

I don't want to be an impatient angry mother. I want to let the love through and be kind, patient, happy.

Looking for support, experience, strength, hope....:)

I wanted to add that I am doing alot to help myself. Going to therapy, meditation, some yoga/exercise, generally eating well, prayer, talking with friends, doing alot of work on my self esteem/patterns/beliefs, herbs and homeopathy, most of this is intertwined into the day. The only thing missing is SLEEP!

[newmamalizzy]

Oh, man, I so understand.  It doesn't happen as often now that DD's 15 months old, but when she was younger and I was with her all the time, and she never napped without a huge battle, and she woke up all night long...I just would get really angry at her.  Actually, we both have colds right now (that's the worst!), and I definitely said some things to her last night that I wish I hadn't.  It's not an excuse, but sleep deprivation is real, it really does affect your moods and your ability to control what comes out of your mouth.  I just try to take full advantage of the times when I feel good and loving toward DD, try not to be arbitrary about my demands of her, and hope that things will balance out over time.  I'm pretty sure they will :)

P.S.  I had some similar stresses over job-searching, apartment searching, etc. when DD was first born.  We moved 4 times from the start of my pregnancy to when DD was 3 months old.  It was ROUGH.  Definitely doesn't help.

[ContentMama]

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I totally agree about sleep deprivation. Not a pretty thing at all!

It helps when I am mindful throughout the day. As hard as I try, it's almost like it's not possible when I'm totally exhausted. Walking out of the room is my best bet.

At least I can see that this too will pass.

[MarineWife]

you have a lot to deal with. single parenting is hard. i was a single parent to my first child from about 5 months pregnant until he was 9 years old. I'm married now but am a pseudo single parent a lot of the time since my dh is in the military and gone a lot. He is currently deployed for a year to Afghanistan and I just had a baby a week ago. So, I know how hard it is.

Sleep deprivation is a big thing. I am very grumpy if I don't get enough sleep. Unfortunately, sometimes there's nothing that can be done about it. I have found, like you, that if I can stay mindful I can deal with things better even when I am sleep-deprived. I'm not perfect, though. Sometimes I do things that I regret. I think everyone does so give yourself a break. You are doing the best you can and are probably doing a much better job than many, many parents.

Can you enlist your mom to help even more? Maybe squeeze a nap in during the day? I don't know what else to suggest because I know sometimes there's nothing that can be done except to get through the moments.

[ContentMama]

It IS really hard!! My newest mantra is "this is the most important job I have to do right now" in reference to just being present with my son. What causes me much stress are the thoughts about all the other stuff I have to do. When I keep it in perspective it is so much better. I just really feel like my outbursts are unacceptable though!

The night time has been going a bit better. I partially nightweaned and that helped ALOT!

You are doing the best you can and are probably doing a much better job than many, many parents.

Thank you so much! You are right, I am doing the best I can.

[CoopersMommy0308]

I completely understand. I was just coming her to make a very similar post. I've been yelling at my kids way more than I ever want to admit. :( I feel awful for it. I'm tired, exhausted, and haven't had a break or any alone time since my X moved out in June. The X was supposed to take our oldest son (3.5yo) all day yesterday and for the night last night but instead he went to play cards at a friends house. So not only am I tired of dealing with everything by myself all the time I'm ticked off at the X and taking it out on my poor kids. I keep reminding myself that they aren't doing anything wrong, they didn't ask to be put in this situation, I am doing the best I can at the moment. It still sucks though. :( I hate yelling at my kids. I'm trying to do some deep breathing stuff and hope to start yoga soon. I also have an interview on Monday for a job that would allow me to take my kids to work with me (which is perfect b/c whatever I make wouldn't even be enough to pay a babysitter). At least its something. 

I'm just trying to breath and remember I'm doing the best I can. I hope it gets easier for everyone soon. I know there's a long adjustment period but man, this freaking sucks! 

[clockworkhobbsy]

It's hard to be a good parent under the best of circumstances, and it's impossible without any sleep. It's absolutely not your fault :)

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by ContentMama 

I just really feel like my outbursts are unacceptable though!

just the fact that you are aware of this says a lot about you. staying present with your kids can go a long way. i'm much more irritable and more likely to react badly if i am distracted. i have to consciously tell myself to focus on my kids sometimes. i get a daily email from www.enjoyparenting.com that helps me remember that ever day. i start out every morning reading it and it helps me refocus on what is really important.