Here's the situation. BuggaBoo is a booby monster. So is Doozer, but that's more understandable because she's not even 18 months yet. BuggaBoo will nurse as often as he can, which translates to 6-12 times a day. His usual routine is to crawl into our bed between 5:30 or 6:00am and nurse 2-4 times before we wake up. Then all day long all he does is bug me for nursing. I nurse him for naps about half the time and he nurses every night as part of his bedtime routine. And there's times where he'll come into our room in the middle of the night and ask to nurse, despite our rule that nursing needs to wait until morning.
When I nurse him I have to be the one to tell him he's done. If I don't then he easily nurses for 1/2-1 hour. Even after nursing him for a long time he'll come back to me after 15 minutes and ask to do it all over again. Any refusal to nurse is met with tantrums.
BuggaBoo is a pretty picky eater. I try to be firm with him since I'm not a short order cook, but then all he chooses to do is nurse instead of eat. He will refuse to eat food he likes because then he knows he'll get to nurse instead. I feel like I can't restrict his nursing because nursing is more than food, YKWIM?
It has gotten to the point that I want to wean him. I feel like all I'm worth to my kid is how much I nurse him. However, I can't see weaning going well. I night weaned him at 20 months when I was 3 months pregnant and it took a month of screaming. Ever after that he still woke up every hour or two and asked to nurse until he moved into his own room this March.
I also don't foresee weaning going well because I'll still be nursing Doozer. BuggaBoo will see me nursing her and just flip out. Also, I know the proper way to wean is to replace a nursing session with an emotionally fulfilling time with your toddler, but to be honest I don't know if I have it in me. I'm working through depression right now and I have a hard time mustering up the energy for interactions like that. Nursing seems to be an easier way for him to get that connection, but that's not going well anymore. I hate to nurse him. Me hating it makes him want it more. We're just not in a good place.
Okay, if you've read this far, thank you! Any advice? There's way more to this than I typed out, so if more info is needed I can give it out.