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Routine 16 week appt....no heartbeat found.

post #1 of 43
Thread Starter 

2 days ago, July 27 my dh and I went to our midwife for our routine 16 week appt.  To our complete shock, she could not find a heartbeat.  We did hear one at 12 weeks, so we felt safe that this baby was going to stick around.  She sent us to the hospital right away for ultrasound but it only confirmed our worst fears.  Our baby had died.  It seems it happened sometime in the past few days, as I was still measuring close to dates.  

 

Since I'm not having any spotting or cramping we decided to go home and absorb the news and help our children through the grief.  We're waiting the weekend and then revisit the idea of inducing next week.  

 

 

If anyone has any btdt advice, I'd greatly appreciate it.  I dont know what to expect or where to go from here.  It's hell.   

post #2 of 43

Oh my god.  I literally felt my heart hurting while reading this.  I'm so so sorry, mama.

 

I don't have any BTDT advice on this, but there is the "Pregnancy and Birth Loss" forum that should have others in your position.  Maybe posting there can help?

 

Much love to you.

post #3 of 43

Hugs to you and your family.  I can't imagine...

post #4 of 43

ddcc

that is heartbreaking.  i am so sorry for your loss.  hug2.gif 

i've only ever had early losses, so no btdt advice except that if you can still do a d & e at this point, it's really not horrible. 

i hope your recovery is swift.  best to you and your family.

post #5 of 43

I am so sorry hug2.gif I can't imagine how much you are hurting.

post #6 of 43

my heart truly goes out to you.  i am so sorry.  no BTDT advice, but angela's recommendation to check out the P&BL forum is a good one.

 

i am so, so very sorry.

post #7 of 43

I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you. grouphug.gif

post #8 of 43

candle.gifOh no! I'm so sorry you are going through the loss of your baby. It is hell to lose a child at any stage or age.  My only advice is homeopathic Ignatia would be really helpful for you. My miscarriage didn't complete until I took a dose of Ignatia (I was going on almost a month of spotting and still getting dark +HPTs). Within 2 days of the Ignatia, I passed everything and 2 days later had a -HPT (and got pregnant again the next week!). PM me for more info (I practice homeopathy). Big hugs and lots of love to you. May you find comfort in your partner, children, family and friends during this time. 

post #9 of 43

Praying for you, dear mama, and your family. hug2.gif

post #10 of 43

DDCC... I saw this on the main page and my heart sunk. I am SO sorry greensad.gif

 

When you feel ready, please do check out the loss forum. It was an amazing source of support for me during the worst time in my life. I could not have gotten by without those ladies.

 

 

Quote:
If anyone has any btdt advice, I'd greatly appreciate it.  I dont know what to expect or where to go from here.  It's hell.  

 

 

The same thing happened to me with my daughter at 17 weeks. We had heard the heartbeat at 13 weeks, felt good because we were in the "safe zone", went in for a routine check at 17w, and she was just gone. Time stopped. It was... hell. exactly.

 

I was given the option of d&c or induction, and I chose to be induced a day after we found out, and birthed her the day after that. I am so glad I chose to go that route because we got to hold her and spend precious time with her... She was beautiful; fit perfectly in the palm of our hands. We got pictures, her height and weight, footprints, & other keepsakes. We were also able to have her cremated at that point, and get a beautiful, tiny urn as well as necklaces that hold a bit of her ashes. It was very healing for me during that time.

 

 I don't want to overwhelm you with details right now. I know how hard it is to even be in your head at a time like this... so if you need anything... have questions of any kind... feel free to PM me, ask here, anything!!

 

Sending you much healing and peace grouphug.gif

 

post #11 of 43

Oh my gosh..I am so so so so sorry to read this. This makes me all the more worried. ): I can't imagine how you feel and have no words of advice..just prayers for you and hope that you find peace somewhere ): So sorry..

post #12 of 43

I am so sorry to hear this.  My prayers are with you and your family. hug2.gif

post #13 of 43

I'm so sorry for your loss.

post #14 of 43

I'm so sorry for your loss :(.  Wishing you peace and healing...

post #15 of 43

I am so, so sorry.... It's just awful to have this happen after you feel so confident that things will be okay.  I lost a baby in October at 16 weeks.  The baby made it a little past 12 weeks.  I decided to have a natural miscarriage at home.  It was also very healing for me... to go through the labor, to see him, to bury him.  It was painful, but so, so helpful.  I feel okay about things now and I feel like it is completely due to having to go through the process then.  I feel like I grieved it head on and then when it was over I had more peace about it.  The D&C would have left me confused, I feel, so to go through the natural experience of it was the best option for me.

I think it is important to take time and be patient with yourself.  Know that you are strong and feel whatever you need to feel.  Again, I am so sorry for your loss and am sending healing thoughts your way.

post #16 of 43
Oh no! I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have any advice, I wish I did. I think you did the right thing, not rushing into a decision.

My thoughts are with you and your angel.
post #17 of 43

I am so so very sorry for your loss!!  This is one of my greatest fears this pregnancy and to know that you are going through it breaks my heart.  No words I can express can be comfort enough.  Thoughts and prayers are with you!

post #18 of 43

I am so so sorry for your loss... I know you must be devastated.

 

I had a miscarriage in February at 14 weeks, baby had died around 10. I had a natural miscarriage at home, but it did take 4 weeks after the baby died for it to start. It was hard because my OB really didn't tell me what to expect, and I ended up passing the placenta one week and the baby a week after that. It was definitely very healing to be able to bury my baby though.

post #19 of 43

Oh I am so sorry hun. I have no words of btdt but wanted to express my condolences and offer support and hugs.

post #20 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vermillion View Post

I was given the option of d&c or induction, and I chose to be induced a day after we found out, and birthed her the day after that. I am so glad I chose to go that route because we got to hold her and spend precious time with her... She was beautiful; fit perfectly in the palm of our hands. We got pictures, her height and weight, footprints, & other keepsakes. We were also able to have her cremated at that point, and get a beautiful, tiny urn as well as necklaces that hold a bit of her ashes. It was very healing for me during that time.

 

 I don't want to overwhelm you with details right now. I know how hard it is to even be in your head at a time like this... so if you need anything... have questions of any kind... feel free to PM me, ask here, anything!!

 

Sending you much healing and peace grouphug.gif

 


This.  I just lost twins, one at 16 weeks and the other 10 days later.  It is hell.  But I birthed both babies, and even thought that was its own type of misery, I think it's therapeutic as well.  Letting my body feel the pain of birth helps me to externalize the pain I feel inside.  Part of me wanted to have a D&C just to be done, but I'm glad I chose to give birth.  It's also nice to have the hospital keepsakes.  We had family in to see and hold our baby girl, and it helps me to know that everyone knows I had a baby not "just a miscarriage".  We also have photos, casts of both babies' hand and footprints, actual footprints, and other little mementos.  We're also having both babies cremated (many funeral homes will do this for free) and will scatter their ashes in a small family ceremony.  

 

If you do chose to have a D&C, I've heard that you can still have the baby's remains sent to be cremated.  Talk to your doc or midwife about this.

 

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this.  I hope you can eventually find healing and peace.  hug2.gif

 

ETA: As far as what to expect physically, if you're induced, it's basically a mini-labor.  You'll have contractions, and your cervix will need to dilate to a 4 or 5 to allow baby and placenta to come out.  I was induced with Cytotec.  It took about 4 hours, though I'd started miscarrying on my own before that.  My midwife warned me before induction that it may take several doses (they are administered 4 hrs apart).  Afterwards, there was very little pain or bleeding.  As far as I know, you can take Cytotec at home.  I was in the hospital for other complications, but if my situation had been different, I may have chosen to birth privately or with just my midwife in attendance.

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