Routine 16 week appt....no heartbeat found. - Page 2

[Shenjall]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond and lend support and information.  Especially to those of you who have recently suffered your own losses.  The women on this board never cease to amaze me with the strength and courage and support thats available for virtual strangers.  It makes me cry, but in a very great way. 

I'd like to wait for my body to go naturally, but I dont think i can emotionally take much more waiting.  My body seems to be starting, I've had some light pink spotting and the occasional dark brown/red stuff (more discharge than bleeding) and some lower backaches.  I could feel my cervix 2 days ago and it was slightly open, but today its nowhere to be found.  (I'm hoping this isnt tmi?) I just dont think I can do weeks of this.  I may go in to be induced as early as tomorrow.  I'll have to see where my head is at.  My dh is not ready at all, he'd rather wait until tuesday, but respects my emotional needs.  The meds the midwife mentioned started with "M", it wasnt cytotec.  Any Canadians know what we use?  I suppose I could call and ask, but I'd rather not yet.  

I do really want to be able to hold my baby.  Dh as well.  And let the kids as well (if they feel up to it).   I've knitted a wee hat, and sewed a wee blanket.  I've heard the hospitals usually supply them, but I feel like since I make things for my kids, things shouldnt be any different for this one.  

Thanks again to everyone.   

[Vermillion]

Was it misoprostol? If so, that is cytotec.

Your little hat and blanket sound so sweet. Wishing you much peace and healing in whichever path you decide to take

[Shenjall]

Yep, misoprostol.  I guess just different names?  

Thanks again.  :)

[AfricanQueen99]

Your knitted pieces sound really lovely for your babe.  If you feel like sharing, I'd love to know the name you pick for him or her.

Wishing you love during this time.

[HardCoreMom]

i think that cytotec is the retail name of the drug, and misoprostol is the name of the pharmaceutical itself- like tylenol is the name we know for acetaminophen.  but it's not really important.

i am thinking of you, and i am so sorry you're having to make a decision like this.  please feel the support of so many people here.  i wish you peace, when the time is right for that, and strength to birth your baby.

[futuremamaheather]

My heart goes out to you and your family. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

[moonSnail]

You might be relieved to hear that the birth of the baby I lost was not long after spotting and cramping similar to what you are describing.  Hopefully, you won't have to wait much longer and you can begin to heal.  I know the awful pain of waiting.  For me it was just like labor with my son, only shorter. Contractions lasted about 6 hours.  It was awful but I agree wholeheartedly with Diana about the external pain giving validity to the internal pain.  It was important to my healing.  I hope it comes quickly for you... and I hope you are surrounded by loving caring people willing to help.  You will need the help for the recovery. 

Feel free to ask or send me a message if you have any questions or are wondering anything about the process.  Feel free to ask anything at all... I felt as though I was desperate for information about this painful, horrible thing I was inevitably in store for and was coming up short.  We need to share these stories with each other and give support.  Many of us have been through this even though many don't want to talk about it. 

You are strong and you will make it through. I am sending you thoughts of healing and hope you quickly find peace.

[joyfulgrrrl]

Originally Posted by moonSnail 

You might be relieved to hear that the birth of the baby I lost was not long after spotting and cramping similar to what you are describing.  Hopefully, you won't have to wait much longer and you can begin to heal.  I know the awful pain of waiting.  For me it was just like labor with my son, only shorter. Contractions lasted about 6 hours.  It was awful but I agree wholeheartedly with Diana about the external pain giving validity to the internal pain.  It was important to my healing.  I hope it comes quickly for you... and I hope you are surrounded by loving caring people willing to help.  You will need the help for the recovery. 

Feel free to ask or send me a message if you have any questions or are wondering anything about the process.  Feel free to ask anything at all... I felt as though I was desperate for information about this painful, horrible thing I was inevitably in store for and was coming up short.  We need to share these stories with each other and give support.  Many of us have been through this even though many don't want to talk about it. 

You are strong and you will make it through. I am sending you thoughts of healing and hope you quickly find peace.

I guess I do have a btdt, I had a loss at 14 weeks. I was 24 and it was a molar pregnancy. I honestly did not want to see the remains and I had a lot of fear surrounding that experience. I had a d +c as soon as I could, and requested a general so I would not hear anything. . I'm 38 now and I still don't know what I would do now. It is an extremely and intimately personal decision and you should allow yourself to follow your instincts as to what is best for you.

[Shenjall]

MoonSnail, thank you, yes, that does give me hope and makes me feel better.  I'll be sending you a pm shortly if you dont mind, your post said everything thats been going thru my mind right now.  

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Originally Posted by moonSnail 

Feel free to ask or send me a message if you have any questions or are wondering anything about the process.  Feel free to ask anything at all... I felt as though I was desperate for information about this painful, horrible thing I was inevitably in store for and was coming up short.  We need to share these stories with each other and give support.  Many of us have been through this even though many don't want to talk about it.

Same goes for me.  If you need someone to talk to before, during, or after, please shoot me a PM.  It seems that most of the information out there is for early loss.  A second trimester loss is a completely different thing, or at least it was for me.

[Shenjall]

Diana, I started a 2nd trimester loss thread in pabl, I hope you'll join.  

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Originally Posted by Shenjall 

Diana, I started a 2nd trimester loss thread in pabl, I hope you'll join.  

Of course.  Heading there now.  

[shockels]

I am so sorry for your loss. Many hugs mama.

[moonSnail]

I was thinking about you... I hope the reason that I didn't get a message is because it happened sooner rather than later.  I hope you and your family are well.  Take care of yourself.

[kelseywhitney]

So sorry for your loss. :(

[Shenjall]

Hey everyone.  

Just an update, we're going in tomorrow morning to be induced.  Please wish us luck that everything goes smoothly.  

[diana_of_the_dunes]

It's so very hard to deal with the emotional pain on top of the physical ordeal of going through labor, or at least it was for me.  I'll be thinking of you and praying that everything goes as smoothly as it possibly can.  I know I've said it before, but I'm so, so very so sorry that you have to go through this.  Take care of yourself, and come back to talk with us when you're ready.  

[Kindermama]

Hope you are physically okay today, Mama. Please update us when you can or feel able to. 

[HardCoreMom]

you are very much in my heart.

[Shenjall]

Hi all, 

It went well, as well as it could go.  It was the second dose that did it, our son, Benjamin Leo was born at 4:26pm on Aug 5.  So perfect.  I was able to go home later on, after 8pm so it was nice that I didn't need to stay overnight.  

It's been a rough few days, and only seem to be getting worse, to be honest.  

I wish you all safe and healthy pregnancies!