4 months of Postpartum depression and anxiety... is there any light ahead?

[IsaIsa]

Phew~ I'm totally overwhelmed! My babe's 15 weeks old and has severe GERD. She's adorable and I love her mucho, but I'm freaking out. I've been dealing with PPD/A and started treatment about 7 weeks ago. I tried to do it naturally, but have been on an increasing dose of Zoloft for about 5 weeks...just went up to 50 mgs about a week and a half ago. I see some improvement, but I still don't feel remotely like my old self. I used to be so happy, chipper, relaxed and positive and now I feel like a tense, anxious wet mop! I have this weird death obsession and vacillate between anxiety and sadness. I'm scared to death I'll never rediscover my joyful old self! Anyone know how long it takes to get through this? I put on a happy face for everyone, because frankly I'm sick of talking about it and having people shut off or minimize it.... arrrggghh! Is this EVER going to get better!

[FischK]

Yes, it is going to get better even if you may have some difficult times ahead. It is, however, worth the fight, for yourself and the baby.

From my experience - I had moderate to severe PPD and PTSD with DS1 - it took much more than 5 weeks on Zoloft to feel back to normal. Like you, I felt better, but not close to being myself, and I had to accept that my therapeutic dose was 100 mg. Once I reached that, things became more manageable overall, and after a few months (maybe 5-6PP) I was getting back to my old self. I believe my final recovery also had a lot to do with the fact that I found a counselor whom I clicked with and who helped me to get through the dark moments.

Keep it up, and if possible find someone to talk to about the way you feel. It is so difficult to go through PPD without having a support group, a really good friend, or a counselor with whom you can share the ups and downs of your life.

[Lyns]

Isasla - I know exactly how you feel.  I had my LO 11 weeks ago.  I was just diagnosed 3 weeks ago and it has been a very long 3 weeks, not to mention the weeks before that!  Isn't it crazy how you can go from such a happy, chipper person to the state we are in?!  Never thought it possible.. I am on Celexa and Klonopin. I am seeing gradual improvements.  Just remember the improvements will start overriding the bad times.  It won't happen immediately.  What has helped me is keeping a daily log of symptoms and scoring them along with journaling.  I am seeing differences in the numbers. Although slight, they are there!!  I really feel for you because this has by far been the toughest experience of my life.  I think all the time that I must be dying.  It seems so ridiculous to have that thought, yet so real!!  Feel free to send a message anytime.  It really helps to communicate with others going through it.  We will survive this and be stronger and better mothers because of it!!