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Once again my mom has managed to give me the creeps - Page 3  

post #41 of 76
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by D_McG View Post

I'm just trying to make sense of it!  Who goes on vacation and puts their stuff in storage?!  Your post has red flags all over it and you know it.



You don't need to make sense of it. How is amking sense of my life giong to enrich your life? If you don't believe me, or you don't like me, or whatever, then skip my posts. I believe there is even an ignore button now on MDC. But move on. Stop obssessing about the minutiae of my life. There must be *something* more pressing in your life than where MY furniture is stored at.

post #42 of 76
Its amazing to me that someone who doesnt trust a hospital to deliver her baby (and has shown interest in UC) would trust doctors to tell her what meds are safe. So, when it comes to getting drugs you trust doctors but not when it comes to giving birth? whatever. I was trying to be supportive to you, but your posts are (as pps have said) FULL of red flags. And sure, this is a message board. When you post something in one thread and then post something in another thread and the two dont add up, people are going to try to make sense of it. ADD or not, you have not need for adderral right now. Are you working? What do you need it for? The ability to help unpack boxes. Mixing a stimulant with a depressant is always a bad idea, especially when pregnant. Ive never, ever known a midwife to tell someone to just go get the drugs they need to be mentally healthy. It seems like they would at least take you off the adderral and switch your anti depressant to zoloft. Were you ttc on all these drugs with no stable place to live?
post #43 of 76

Whoops. Nevermind. lol

post #44 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN View Post

OR maybe, there's trouble with insurance (or some other sort of coverage or payment) and she can't afford an appointment to GET a refill! Ever think of that? Things get difficult when you need medication, panic to get it and adding pregnancy, a past of substance abuse(family, yourself, or otherwise), and a difficult family member on top of it with little support around you. It's hard to make those life changes when things seem to always be going wrong and THEN having people point out everywhere you go that "things don't look right with this" or "you need some help". Of COURSE she needs it, but she doesn't need to be told how to do things when she's struggling as it is. The problems she's having that she's TOLD us about are probably only surface problems. There's no need to hash out her whole life.(We've already seen what happens when she told us about PART of it) She was asking about how to cut her mom out so things didn't seem overwhelming. And now people are throwing her past and her struggles in her face? That is no support, as far as I'm concerned.



Im sure there is problems with her insurance. Its hard to get your prescriptions filled with your VA medicaid in TX. She probably wouldnt have any problem getting them filled if she was at home.
post #45 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post




Im sure there is problems with her insurance. Its hard to get your prescriptions filled with your VA medicaid in TX. She probably wouldnt have any problem getting them filled if she was at home.


This is what I'm talking about. The in-between part is what is hard. Where you are in transition with insurance. No one really knows if she's staying there short term or moving there, so what? She just needs the meds that work for her so things can get straight in her life.
 

 

post #46 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN View Post

Well, I'd trust a doctor to my mental health better than I would trust myself because I don't understand how mind chemistry works. I feel I understand the birth process enough to not NEED a doctor to tell me how to give birth. And while I can't prescribe MYSELF medication, I kind of need to see a doctor for mental health, but I don't need to for having a baby. It's a bit different, I think. It's not an emergency to give birth, but it is an emergency for a person who is manic enough to feel like hurting themselves. So, yes, I trust a doctor to my mental health.


I wasnt talking about her mental health, I was talking about the fact that she said that her psychiatrist knows more about whether or not these drugs harm the baby than any of us do. Sure, of course they want you to take your meds, because they are hired to do whats best for YOU. That might not be the same thing that is best for your baby. Amphetamines while pregnant is NEVER a good idea. If her OB was invoved in this, I can almost promise that he/she would get her off adderral immediately and at least switch her to Ritalin, which has proven to have less harmful affects on a fetus. But right now, what Im getting from her post is that she has no prenatal care. (no midwife or ob in tx) and she is still taking the drugs, even if she has to get them illegally. And if she cant get them illegally, she turns to alcohol. And she posts all of this and expects people to just give hug.gif and say "So sorry you are dealing with this" and not give her ANY grief for putting herself before her unborn baby.
post #47 of 76

OP, If you don't want your mom to find you don't post that you're in TX on a public board.  BAD IDEA!

post #48 of 76

Ok, I'm not saying I don't agree with the posters here about many things (including all of the red flags).  I also cringe at the thought of anyone "needing" aderol or a "heavy drink" while pregnant.

 

However, I wanted to point out some irony.  I have seen many posts written on MDC over the years by mom's with symptoms of depression and/or anxiety who were afraid to, or didn't want to take medication for various reasons.  Poster after poster always tells them that "mom's mental health comes first" and that they should not hesitate to get on meds for even the most slightest ounce of depression.  I have seen the poor moms in that situation get flamed on here for not wanting to take meds, because other posters found that to be selfish.

 

Now this mom is pregnant, admits to being mentally ill, and you all are tearing her apart for wanting to be on her prescribed meds?!?  Zoloft is great if it works...which it just doesn't for everybody.  Plus I see some pretty scary commercials regarding Zoloft and pregnancy lately anyways, so how safe has it really always been...?

 

I see Dr. Emily Dossett in Los Angeles.  Pretty much an expert on prenatal psychiatry and maternal mental health problems.  She has me taking a low dose of Abilify, which is a class C drug.  Why?  Because it's the only one that works for me and she considers my mental health to be more important than the possible risk to the baby from the drug at this time.  So it does happen.  So regardless of all the other issues that this OP may have, being on a class C drug while pregnant doesn't make her a liar or a monster. 

 

 

 

OP, I hope things settle down and get better for you soon. hug2.gif I know what it's like to share just enough on MDC that people pick you apart and call you a liar.  Yet you don't want to share every single detail because of how time consuming and wordy it would be (plus the safety risk of over sharing).  My advice?  Take a very long break from MDC.  It's hard at first, but it made my life so much better.

post #49 of 76
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post



I wasnt talking about her mental health, I was talking about the fact that she said that her psychiatrist knows more about whether or not these drugs harm the baby than any of us do. Sure, of course they want you to take your meds, because they are hired to do whats best for YOU. That might not be the same thing that is best for your baby. Amphetamines while pregnant is NEVER a good idea. If her OB was invoved in this, I can almost promise that he/she would get her off adderral immediately and at least switch her to Ritalin, which has proven to have less harmful affects on a fetus. But right now, what Im getting from her post is that she has no prenatal care. (no midwife or ob in tx) and she is still taking the drugs, even if she has to get them illegally. And if she cant get them illegally, she turns to alcohol. And she posts all of this and expects people to just give hug.gif and say "So sorry you are dealing with this" and not give her ANY grief for putting herself before her unborn baby.



I have done my research. If you don't think I need the meds, then by all means, come over and cook, clean, care for the 2 children I already have, deal with nightmares, panic attacks, handle my oldest child's special needs and I will just lay on the couch all day and not do anything. THAT IS NOT REALISTIC. The children I *already* have also need more than an empty shell of a mother.

 

And it's not that I don't think OB's know what they're doing. It's that I don't need someone to tell me how to push a baby out. I don't need someone to tell me I can't eat, or drink, or to stick their hands up my vagina 99 times. I don't find that helpful in any way. I do find it very helpful however to see a licensed therapist for cousneling, and to see a doctor who has experience dealing with mental health disorders. When there is a problem, I seek help from people who can give it. When there is NOT a problem, I don't. birth is not a medical condition. Depression is. Comparing the two is like apples and oranges. And, I have stayed in contact with my midwife while here, and had an appt just before I left. This is my 4th pregnancy. This is not some new experience. Obviously if something goes wrong then I would transfer to the hospital to give birth, but I'm not going to start out with a plan for unecessary interventions and intrusions. You also missed the part about me calling Dr. Hale's clinic. This is the website:http://www.infantrisk.com/ they are pretty thorough and legit and even offered to fax information about the different drugs to my psychiatrist if needed. I can't take Ritalin, I know they are similar but Ritalin does not work well with my body. I have tried it before. I've also been prescribed strattera, concerta, zoloft, wellbutrin.....there's more but I can't think of them. This is the best combination for my situation. Wellbutrin was so horrible that I refused to take any medication for almost 2 years because it firghtened me so badly.

 

post #50 of 76

Im still trying to figure out who leaves for a vacation, puts all thier belongings in storage, cancels their lease, and, oh I dont know, quits their jobs?  Didnt you each have TWO?  I suppose those will be waiting for you when you get back too, right?

post #51 of 76
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Im still trying to figure out who leaves for a vacation, puts all thier belongings in storage, cancels their lease, and, oh I dont know, quits their jobs?  Didnt you each have TWO?  I suppose those will be waiting for you when you get back too, right?



Where did you get that he quit his job?

 

post #52 of 76

w2bm, what is going on?  Most ppl can't take road trips that turn into vacations, especially with all the troubles you seem to be having.  People are concerned and trying to figure things out, thus referencing older posts.  Some things are just not adding up hon and people are worried.

post #53 of 76
Thread Starter 

Because I've already explained several times that My SO's mom is coming from Costa Rica and we need to be here when she gets here, but we don't have an exact date of her arrival. We couldn't afford to pay rent on our apartment for an indefinite lenght of time while we stay in TX and wait for her to get here (it could have been a few days wait, or a few months) so we were able to find someone else to rent our apartment, so we wouldn't hae to pay the rent or be charged for breaking the lease. That necessiated taking our stuff out of the apt and storing it so someone else can be in it. When we go back to VA, we can either move back into our old apt with a couple weeks' notice for the other tenant, or we can pick another apt if there is another empty on in the same complex, or we can just leave it alone and move someplace else altogether. My SO works for a chain restaurant as a cook, and is self employed doing electrical work. So he explained the situation to his manager, and yes, he can go back to his old location, its an internal transfer and he can work for a location here as long as he needs and when he is ready to go back, they will put the word out and find him a position back home. It may be a different location depending on their staffing needs, but he *will* have his job. Since his other job is controlled by him, its just a matter of finding contractors who are willing to hire him for projects, wherever he is. So far he has worked for one contractor since he's been here, but the heat is killing him. He's not used to it anymore.

 

 

But either way, none of that really has anything to do with my original post, which is why I don't understand the need to pick apart everything I've said, *looking* for ways to make things seem worse than they are.

post #54 of 76

I think there was an earlier post that would be really helpful for you here- about what your plans are to change things.  

 

You have spent the past several years in constant flux, and I would suspect THAT, more than anything else is going to cause you to struggle with anxiety and depression.  You need to create the life you want.  

 

If you are going to be staying where you are, fine, but commit.  It isn't fair to drag a child with Aspergers all over the place, to make him move repeatedly, to cause chaos when he most needs stability.  It just plain isn't fair.  I also have a child with Aspergers, I promise, your whole family- and particularly this child- will truly suffer if you don't set down LONG TERM roots soon. Pull it together for him if you can't do it for yourself. If you aren't going home next week, commit to staying where you are for a few years at least.  Send for your belongings and give the kids the toys in their new home.

 

Dealing with depression and anxiety without meds is completely possible- particularly as you only have a few months left until you deliver.  You will be feeling overwhelmed right now because you stopped them the wrong way, but since you've already done that damage- stick with it.  Put a schedule in place and force yourself to clean/cook/parent.  You won't necessarily feel great, and you will have days where you struggle emotionally, but you have other adults in the home to lean on for support, at least until you can get in for a new evaluation with a new health care provider who can help you choose to medicate appropriately (or not) based on their evaluation.  If you are really struggling, contact your local mental health clinic and explain that you are in crisis.  Chances are, they will refer you to the ER for assessment. 

 

You posted in personal growth- sometimes you won't just get support there, because we want to see you step into being a healthy and whole parent to all of your children. We know you are able to get there, you just have to get out of your own way and do the uncomfortable stuff to do it.  Put your foot down and say, "this is where we live, we will reevaluate this in 3/5/10 years, but not before." Register for all the services you need to have support- if you don't have income (have you found jobs?) apply for TANF and SNAP along with WIC. Inform your son's father of your relocation, and provide him with a way to contact you.  Set firm boundaries with your parents, but let them know how to contact you in an emergency.  Establish prenatal care, and have your records transferred. If you have been on Medicaid and meet the standards within the state you live in, you should have expedited coverage- a matter of days- at most.

 

It sounds like you have an opportunity to start fresh here, but do it in a healthy way that will benefit your family in the long run.  Make a commitment to yourself and your family that you are going to create stability instead of upheaval, consistency instead of insecurity, knowledge instead of anxiety, comfort instead of fear.  Talk with your children about their new long-term home, and explore the town.  Make friends when you take the kids to the park, but make sure you are choosing people who will be a strong positive force within your life. 

 

You have more power than you give yourself credit for.  You can protect yourself and your family from your crazy parents by setting boundaries.  You can create the stability your children need, and the only thing you have to do is to say "this  is the way it will be!" Please, believe in your own power to create the life your family deserves.  Demand excellence of your partner in his support of the family and the goal for long term stability of the family. Recognize the harm you are causing your family through your acceptance of chaos, and decide it's time to change that pattern.  Your son is still young- while he's been through more than any child should have in his few short years, there is time to start healing the wounds and move forward. 

post #55 of 76
Waiting2bemommy, I'm glad you're looking into services in your new home. Since you moved all your stuff out of your old rental and someone else is living there now, I think you should probably stop calling this a vacation and acknowledge that you have moved. Your landlord isn't going to evict a rent paying tenant so that you can move back in at will. I think this is also why people are assuming that your SO quit his job. You don't go to another state for an indefinite period of time and have your same old job waiting for you when you get back. It's great that you're connecting your family with services. Are you looking for jobs?
post #56 of 76
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by stik View Post

Waiting2bemommy, I'm glad you're looking into services in your new home. Since you moved all your stuff out of your old rental and someone else is living there now, I think you should probably stop calling this a vacation and acknowledge that you have moved. Your landlord isn't going to evict a rent paying tenant so that you can move back in at will. I think this is also why people are assuming that your SO quit his job. You don't go to another state for an indefinite period of time and have your same old job waiting for you when you get back. It's great that you're connecting your family with services. Are you looking for jobs?



I swear I JUST posted and said that he is working at the same job here in TX. It's a chain restaurant....they are all over the US. And the apartment....that's called sublease, and it's a month to month agreement for the new tenant, until our lease is up.

 

If I can find something at night, that would be great, but I need to be at home during the day. In addition to my 2 kids, I've been babysitting my niece so her mom can work, since she is having a difficult time and really can't afford a babysitter (and if I'm home all day, she shouldn't have to.) It's nice for the kids because they play with each other and they love having extra cousins around, but it's kind of stressful for me because my SIL is the type that doesn't like to be bothered with her kids. She doesn't comb her hair, she leaves it for me to do every day, for example, she doesn't wake up til 2 or 3 in the afternoon, so when my niece wakes up in the morning, she comes and asks me to fix breakfast for her along with my kids. But then, when SIL finally gets up, she complains because there is a mess in the kitchen. Just as an example. Or like this morning, she freaked out because I was doing playdough with them at the kitchen table and she just kept saying, "why do they need all that? just turn on cartoons." so while it's possible that we could coordinate our schedules to cover childcare, me and my control freak self doesn't want to leave her to babysit on a regular basis. And really if we're going to be sharing expenses with her, there should be no need for me to work outside th house. SO's income should be enough.

post #57 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post





I swear I JUST posted and said that he is working at the same job here in TX. It's a chain restaurant....they are all over the US. And the apartment....that's called sublease, and it's a month to month agreement for the new tenant, until our lease is up.

 

If I can find something at night, that would be great, but I need to be at home during the day. In addition to my 2 kids, I've been babysitting my niece so her mom can work, since she is having a difficult time and really can't afford a babysitter (and if I'm home all day, she shouldn't have to.) It's nice for the kids because they play with each other and they love having extra cousins around, but it's kind of stressful for me because my SIL is the type that doesn't like to be bothered with her kids. She doesn't comb her hair, she leaves it for me to do every day, for example, she doesn't wake up til 2 or 3 in the afternoon, so when my niece wakes up in the morning, she comes and asks me to fix breakfast for her along with my kids. But then, when SIL finally gets up, she complains because there is a mess in the kitchen. Just as an example. Or like this morning, she freaked out because I was doing playdough with them at the kitchen table and she just kept saying, "why do they need all that? just turn on cartoons." so while it's possible that we could coordinate our schedules to cover childcare, me and my control freak self doesn't want to leave her to babysit on a regular basis. And really if we're going to be sharing expenses with her, there should be no need for me to work outside th house. SO's income should be enough.

 

 

This sounds like a dynamic that could be pretty tough in the long run.  It sounds like it would be a good idea to sit down right away with SIL and establish that, while you are happy to help while she is working, SHE needs to parent her child the rest of the time.  If you let it slide, it is really easy for this sort of thing to get out of control.  A written agreement can save a lot of hurt feelings as you go forward!  With even two adults in the house (DH and myself) we find it helpful to have clear expectations, but with two families in one space it would be absolutely necessary.  Maybe set up a schedule of who will cook what meals when, and when you will be 'on' to help out with childcare. Also, make sure there is an understanding that cleaning up etc will be shared? 
 

 

post #58 of 76

W2BM, I wish you strength and luck over these next days and weeks.

 

I'm glad you consulted Hale's line re your meds.  Did you advise them that you also drink occasionally?  http://www.motherisk.org/women/alcohol.jsp

 

I work with special needs kids, including kids with fetal alcohol effect, and I'm a parent to a special needs child.  I'm very empathetic towards your personal struggles, and worry that your approach to handling your present is going to unreasonably burden your future.

 

I agree with the advice others have provided - settle somewhere, make at least a one-year plan.  I'm glad to hear you're setting up therapies and supported preschool for your son, and getting health coverage set up.  The need for your son to have stability is greater than that for a typical child, and you need the stability to stay on your meds and stay away from alcohol.  This must all be very stressful for you.

post #59 of 76

 

 

Quote:

I swear I JUST posted and said that he is working at the same job here in TX. It's a chain restaurant....they are all over the US. And the apartment....that's called sublease, and it's a month to month agreement for the new tenant, until our lease is up.

 

If I can find something at night, that would be great, but I need to be at home during the day. In addition to my 2 kids, I've been babysitting my niece so her mom can work, since she is having a difficult time and really can't afford a babysitter (and if I'm home all day, she shouldn't have to.) It's nice for the kids because they play with each other and they love having extra cousins around, but it's kind of stressful for me because my SIL is the type that doesn't like to be bothered with her kids. She doesn't comb her hair, she leaves it for me to do every day, for example, she doesn't wake up til 2 or 3 in the afternoon, so when my niece wakes up in the morning, she comes and asks me to fix breakfast for her along with my kids. But then, when SIL finally gets up, she complains because there is a mess in the kitchen. Just as an example. Or like this morning, she freaked out because I was doing playdough with them at the kitchen table and she just kept saying, "why do they need all that? just turn on cartoons." so while it's possible that we could coordinate our schedules to cover childcare, me and my control freak self doesn't want to leave her to babysit on a regular basis. And really if we're going to be sharing expenses with her, there should be no need for me to work outside th house. SO's income should be enough.

 

We cross-posted.  I'm glad your SO has a job.  

 

What's your one-year plan?  

post #60 of 76
Thread Starter 

A small happy update: My SIL told me about another number I could call that provides more info than the number on the back of the EBT card....I called and while it sucks that they rearranged the way they do foodstamps (which means we'll get ours the second week of every month now instead of on the 1st), the automated line tells me that I and the two kids are "currently enrolled" in Medicaid. When I called the office on Tuesday they told me that we were still pending and to call back in 10 business days. So this is unexpected but that's awesome because it means I can go into any doctor's office down here (well not any doctor, but you know what I mean.) and also to be safe I won't talk about which prenatal practice I'm going to use but I had called several of them on Friday and kind of settled on one so SO and I will go tour the facility and be able to get in for a prenatal appt hopefully soon.

 

 

Now we just need to get the AC fixed because these window units don't cool the whole house. And figure out why our transmission just magically went kaput. And get my head back on straight. I had skipped counseling for a full month before we came to TX and I dread the thought of trying to get back started. I'm pretty sure she'll do it over the phone, she is a terrific lady and great about working with me. I just need to pick up the phone and call. 

 

joensally, yes I told them that I drink occasionally, but I told them wine because I've never before drank anything during pregnancy that wasn't wine or a wine cooler (and those things are like sodas, like B & J and stuff) or maybe some of SO's beer. Like if I get a bottle of wine, SO and I will drink that night, then again the next night, and then pretty much it's gone since he can drink twice as much as me. Then it might be a month before we buy wine again. Or I might have a single wine cooler at my one friend's house back in VA who kept them around. But again I only visited her occasionally and if I have to drive I can't drink anyway etc etc. so basically the hassle involved means that my drinking is fairly limited. I really, really hope that this one time lapse in judgment didn't have any lasting effects on the baby. Trust me, it won't happen again. And I don't at all think that any doctor or midwife would approve of a bloody mary, even a very weak one...I take full responsibility for that one.

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