Once again my mom has managed to give me the creeps - Page 4

[insidevoice]

Since you are going to be there for a while, you should probably request that your therapist send you your records, and ask if she has any referrals locally.  That is work you really should be doing in your local area if possible.  I'm sure that if it were a 'week away' sort of vacation the phone would work, but you NEED a local support system built up where you are. You are making progress- keep going!

[APToddlerMama]

Waiting2bemommy-- I haven't read though the entire thread, though I've read many of your posts over time. MDC really isn't a supportive place for you.  People are angry with you for the choices you've made and can't see past that to help you.  You need to recognize that and seek support elsewhere.  I think you deserve and your children deserve to have some real support.  Are you able to qualify for MA?  Another way that you can get some intensive therapy?  There are plenty of resources various places to help you get meds that are appropriate and safe for pregnancy as well as counseling and other services.  You have a lot of stressors in your life, and it sounds like a professional could help you work through some of these. There are in-home services in many areas that can work with the entire family.  If you want me to help you find some of those services, pm me with your county and I can look some up for you.  Not that you will trust me to do that as I'm a social worker myself and much of what I've read is your fear and dislike of CPS, but I'm sure you can google and find services too.  *You* need to proactively work on making things better in your life and seeking out therapy, medical care, etc., before someone calls CPS on you again.  My guess is that is half the reason your mom is trying to find you and most of the reason you're so afraid of her finding you. 

Your kids deserve a more stable life and you need to give that to them and yourself.  If you're downing two bloody marys pregnant (even if there was little alcohol in them), there is a real need to work on your own coping strategies.  Get the help you need from people who can actually help you and offer you support.  Good luck to you and your kids. 

[waiting2bemommy]

Originally Posted by insidevoice 

Since you are going to be there for a while, you should probably request that your therapist send you your records, and ask if she has any referrals locally.  That is work you really should be doing in your local area if possible.  I'm sure that if it were a 'week away' sort of vacation the phone would work, but you NEED a local support system built up where you are. You are making progress- keep going!

first of all, I just ahve to say that I appreciate your posts because you are always honest without attacking me. I wish I had someone like you in real life (well, I do have one person actually, but she isn't my full time personal therapist and I don't want to burden her yk?) I don't necessarily like to hear everything you say but you manage to make it palatable. I really, really appreciate that.

I said that because I don't want to sound like I'm arguing in this next statement. The thought of starting with a new therapist is totally daunting. Even with my records, the therapist I have now has been with me since before dd was born...over a year and close to 2.  We have a good rapport, she has met SO, we've done couples/family therapy, parenting stuff with her, she knows my kids, she knows all about them, and I just can't imagine anyone else coming close. Not that there aren't other good therapists out there, and I promise I will take your advice. Promise. But I really, really don't want to. Just being honest.For a while I did have in home counseling (because I asked for it and thought it would be helpful), but the in home counselor was kind of "why am I here?" After about 2 months, they really couldn't find a sufficient reason that I qualified for the in home services (although having had someone professional in my house twice a week interacting with me, my kids, and SO in all different settings was really helpful in clearing our CPS case).

Like I said, I promise I will pursue it, and I will try and update when I do find someone. But I just.don't.like.it. I want to meet people and I *know* I need a social life and a "IRL" life. But every time the opportunity comes up I chicken out. I even started my own meetup group, thinking I'd feel better if I was in control, and then chickened out of the first meetup. lol. I have issues. Obviously a year of therapy has not "fixed" me. I know I need to keep on going. With me it's like 2 steps forward and 1.75 steps back.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy 

The thought of starting with a new therapist is totally daunting. 

I understand. We've moved several times for my DH's job, and because I have a history of suicidal depression, I stay active with a therapist. So this means I have changed therapist a bunch of times.

It does suck. I get that. It's hard to just jump in there and trust some one new and tell them my story all over again.

BUT, on the plus side, every time I tell my story I release more of it. It's just my story, it's not WHO I am.

In a bizarre and twisted way, the need to retell this story to new professionals has given more more insight into myself, and more peace with my bizarre life experiences.

It's helped me let it go.

[waiting2bemommy]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I understand. We've moved several times for my DH's job, and because I have a history of suicidal depression, I stay active with a therapist. So this means I have changed therapist a bunch of times.

It does suck. I get that. It's hard to just jump in there and trust some one new and tell them my story all over again.

BUT, on the plus side, every time I tell my story I release more of it. It's just my story, it's not WHO I am.

In a bizarre and twisted way, the need to retell this story to new professionals has given more more insight into myself, and more peace with my bizarre life experiences.

It's helped me let it go.

I got lucky with this therapist. I literally picked up the phone book and she was the first number I called, and she worked out wonderfully. I don't know that it will happen that easily again. So.....do you meet with several therapists one time each to see if they are a good fit?  Are you comfortable with students? My last therapist was in grad school and needed to do a certain number of supervised hours. However I felt completely comfortable with her. The place where I'll be taking ds for play therapy offered me the option to do counseling with one of their students as well, and they would try and get appts either back to back (adn they provide childcare) or at the same time for ds and I, but all of their sessions are filmed for teaching purposes. Some of the things I wille ventually need to address, although I'm not ready to do it now, but I will have to face it at some point, I really don't want filmed. But at the same time, maybe it could help someone else. I'm just musing, I guess. Would that make you uncomfortable? How did you go about finding a good therapist? How did you know if that person was going to actually be helpful? I don't need someone to just listen to me talk, I want that person to help me be more proactive and make actual visible progress in my life.

[DariusMom]

I completely agree with this post. I admit that I mostly roll my eyes and wonder what your latest drama is going to be while feeling sorry for your kids (and also wondering if everything you detail is actually even true). I would like to be supportive but I just can't anymore, which is why I don't read your posts (just happened across this one because I accidentally clicked on it). I suspect more and more MDCers feel this way and, therefore, you can't get the support you need and want here.

I mean, obviously, you can keep posting here! I'm not a Moderator and if you feel you're getting something from being here, then great! But almost every time you hear advice you don't like, or people bring up inconsistentcies in your postings (SO going from scarily abusive and you posting for help to having a few kids with him . . . . ) you get extremely defensive. I just wonder if starting afresh in a new community might not give you more of what you want. Good luck.
 

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

Waiting2bemommy-- I haven't read though the entire thread, though I've read many of your posts over time. MDC really isn't a supportive place for you.  People are angry with you for the choices you've made and can't see past that to help you.  You need to recognize that and seek support elsewhere.  I think you deserve and your children deserve to have some real support.  Are you able to qualify for MA?  Another way that you can get some intensive therapy?  There are plenty of resources various places to help you get meds that are appropriate and safe for pregnancy as well as counseling and other services.  You have a lot of stressors in your life, and it sounds like a professional could help you work through some of these. There are in-home services in many areas that can work with the entire family.  If you want me to help you find some of those services, pm me with your county and I can look some up for you.  Not that you will trust me to do that as I'm a social worker myself and much of what I've read is your fear and dislike of CPS, but I'm sure you can google and find services too.  *You* need to proactively work on making things better in your life and seeking out therapy, medical care, etc., before someone calls CPS on you again.  My guess is that is half the reason your mom is trying to find you and most of the reason you're so afraid of her finding you. 

Your kids deserve a more stable life and you need to give that to them and yourself.  If you're downing two bloody marys pregnant (even if there was little alcohol in them), there is a real need to work on your own coping strategies.  Get the help you need from people who can actually help you and offer you support.  Good luck to you and your kids. 

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy 
How did you go about finding a good therapist? How did you know if that person was going to actually be helpful?

Honestly, I start by figuring out who is on my insurance and is close to me!

I trust that the universe will bring the right person to my path for now. I usually stick with the first person I go see, as I don't see the point of shopping around for a therapist. That would just distract from the real business that I need to get down too. However, if in that first meeting I get the feeling it isn't the right person, I'll try a second person. I've never found a need in a city to try more than two people before finding someone I can work with.

It's OK to ask specific questions about how they work that are important to you. My two questions this time around were:

1. What do you think of cognitive behavioral therapy?

2. What are your religious views, and how do they impact your counseling?

I'm a fan of CBT. The counseling doesn't have to have special training in it or anything, just know what it is and find it a useful tool. I'm not a Christian, and have found that Christians tend to annoy me in the role of therapist (no offensive to Christians, I can be friends with Christians, just not have them for a counselor).

In your situation, having someone who can help sort out your med situation is very important. Most drugs have alternatives that have slightly different benefits and risk. And you right now you are using alcohol to self medicate. A very small amount of alcohol during pregnancy most likely will not have an effect on a fetus, but no one knows exactly where the line is. Using alcohol to self medicate is a huge red flag waving widely that you are not doing OK.

I believe that a counselor who is really up on medication alternatives OR works closely with someone who is would be good for you.

If you haven't read up on CBT, you might. It sounds like it might be something you would like, because they do TELL you how to look at the situation differently, not just listen to everything you say.

If the only reason you active with a counselor right now is the filming thing, I would try an appointment or two and see how it feels. It may be set up in such a way that you quickly forget about it, and by going in and honestly doing your work, you could help others, both future counselor and patients, in the future. It wouldn't be my first choice and I understand why you hesitate, but at the same time, I think things happen for a reason.

Good luck. I think it's time for you to make some phone calls and make some changes.

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by DariusMom 

I completely agree with this post. I admit that I mostly roll my eyes and wonder what your latest drama is going to be while feeling sorry for your kids (and also wondering if everything you detail is actually even true). I would like to be supportive but I just can't anymore, which is why I don't read your posts (just happened across this one because I accidentally clicked on it). I suspect more and more MDCers feel this way and, therefore, you can't get the support you need and want here.

I mean, obviously, you can keep posting here! I'm not a Moderator and if you feel you're getting something from being here, then great! But almost every time you hear advice you don't like, or people bring up inconsistentcies in your postings (SO going from scarily abusive and you posting for help to having a few kids with him . . . . ) you get extremely defensive. I just wonder if starting afresh in a new community might not give you more of what you want. Good luck.
 

To be fair, most of us get defensive when we are being called out. I know I have been.
Is this the same SO? The scarily abusive one who tried to shut the kid up by covering his face with a pillow? This may not be the same guy...just sayin' OP used to call that guy DH, not SO.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Same guy.  She finatically assures us that he NEVER EVER EVER tried to smother the boy with a pillow. 

Anyhooo, I also noticed that she USED to call this guy DH, and is now suddenly calling him SO.   Who knows why, but Im sure I will get a lengthly explanation. 

 

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 





To be fair, most of us get defensive when we are being called out. I know I have been.
Is this the same SO? The scarily abusive one who tried to shut the kid up by covering his face with a pillow? This may not be the same guy...just sayin' OP used to call that guy DH, not SO.

[*bejeweled*]

[quote name="joensally" url=I work with special needs kids, including kids with fetal alcohol effect, and I'm a parent to a special needs child.  I'm very empathetic towards your personal struggles, and worry that your approach to handling your present is going to unreasonably burden your future.

I totally agree. It sounds like you are sacrificing your entire family's mental health to wait out your IL's arrival from Costa Rica. That makes no sense at all. Your children have been through enough already.

[DariusMom]

Absolutely. And sometimes, in retrospect, I've realized that it was good to be called out. That's what I needed to hear, even if I didn't *want* to hear it at the time. What I'm saying, though, is that the OP continues to post very dramatic posts full of lots and lots of red flags (I've been following them for years on MDC) and, when people jump in and try and help, always has some lengthy and extremely defensive explanation or the other for why they moved *again*, why her SO (or DH, or DP or whatever he's called at the moment) actually is or isn't ok, and why her parents or horrible, and why or how she's doing this or that. There are clearly mental health issues involved and I do wonder about the veracity of much of what the OP posts. Therefore, as I said before, I usually don't even come to the threads anymore.

Because so many MDCers have gone through the same ole drama with the OP as I've seen, and, like me, find it hard to be understanding, kind, helpful, or even believing anymore (can any one person have so much drama in her life??), I do continue to second APToddlerMama's suggestion that, if the OP is really for real, she might want to start over in a new community.

Yes, it's the same guy, but the OP will no doubt weigh again with how all our collective memories are mistaken and how none of that really happened.

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 





To be fair, most of us get defensive when we are being called out. I know I have been.
Is this the same SO? The scarily abusive one who tried to shut the kid up by covering his face with a pillow? This may not be the same guy...just sayin' OP used to call that guy DH, not SO.

[CrazyCatLady]

I have.  Most of it being from bad luck, a lot of it being from making bad choices about who I kept in my life, and a little bit being from mental illness.  I've been accused of being a liar on MDC too (which, I'm not and never have been).  Kind of a pointless accusation to make since no one can really prove anything either way, from either side yk?  I am a long time member too and I definitely understand the frustration with the OP.  But calling someone a liar and/or staying in the thread just to make snarky comments about them isn't really helping anyone.

I said it before, but I also suggest the OP take a long break from MDC.  To give her a chance to get her life together with out depending on MDC (which can get addicting), and to give the members of MDC a break from the drama and a chance to cool down since many seem to be having a hard time being nice anymore.

 

Originally Posted by DariusMom 

(can any one person have so much drama in her life??),
 

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ 

Same guy.  She finatically assures us that he NEVER EVER EVER tried to smother the boy with a pillow. 

Anyhooo, I also noticed that she USED to call this guy DH, and is now suddenly calling him SO.   Who knows why, but Im sure I will get a lengthly explanation. 

 

riiiiiighhhhtttt.....so what was he doing with it over the kids face exactly?




Darius' mom,
I agree. Sometimes its good to be called out, and who knows, while w2bm may seem defensive here, maybe she has taken some of it to heart. I think she has listened to some advice in the past, or she never would have seen a thearpist in the first place. Regardless, I agree that if a community is unhealthy for you and you arent taking much from it, you should take a break at least.


There are people with copious amounts of drama in their lives, but most of the time its caused by poor decision making and instability due to putting themselves before their family (unless we are talking about people who have been or are being abused). Just my not so humble opinion.

[Sourire]

There's a difference between giving someone advice they don't want to hear and just being plain old mean. There are a few people who have posted on this thread who are being real jerks and not offering any remotely helpful advice to the OP. If you have such a problem with the OP, why don't you just ignore her? What is the point of coming on here and saying mean and unhelpful things to her? Do you really get such satisfaction from kicking someone when they are down? Does it make your life happier? Do you think its going to make her life better?

OP I'm sorry some people are treating you this way.

[Cynthia Mosher]

Closing this for review. 

[Cynthia Mosher]

This discussion will remain closed. I have asked waiting2bemommy to refrain from posting about her extreme personal situations and and to instead seek help from agencies and resources in her area. The air of suspicion and doubt held by some members creates a posting atmosphere we cannot moderate effectively in a way that takes the entire community into consideration.

I'd also like to clarify that some of the posts in this thread were harassing and intimidating in nature. Regardless of your opinion of a member's intentions or situation, we have a standard of posting behavior that we expect everyone to abide by. So please keep this in mind when you post to avoid receiving a warning or having your posting privileges removed.