Did you ever doubt your decision to UC? - Page 2

[RobynHeud]

I'm new to this website too.  I find I have a lot of doubts, but they're usually alleviated by the certainty of what will happen when I see a doctor.  I've only had one prenatal appointment (to "verify" the pregnancy) and what they told me there only reaffirmed my belief that the hospital is not the place for me. 

I have severe enough whitecoat hypertension that it will cause my blood pressure to jump up to 40 points when I'm at the office.  Then, because with my first I had GDM and pre-e, I was already being treated as high risk.  They were telling me all the extra doctors I'd have to see, all of the extra tests I'd have to have, even though I had no indications for this pregnancy and my GDM for the last one was completely diet controlled (I'm now even questioning that diagnosis especially since the hospital then used lower thresholds than the ACOG standard, but that's another thread).  I tried to find a midwife but because of my past complications the few I saw wouldn't take me.  The birthing center may not have used EFM or other invasive procedures but it still felt too medicalized for me to be comfortable. 

In a way, I suppose I was "forced" into a UP/UC with this pregnancy.  I felt as though I had failed the medical community's "test" and now would have to do remedial work to prove I can do retake the test and I didn't like that feeling at all.  And even though I was "forced" this direction, with our first my husband and I would talk about going to the hospital then he would cut me off and say "But I thought we were just going to have the baby in the bathtub" .  So even then we were toying with the idea of a UC, even though at the time it wasn't an option we knew existed.  That is what has helped with the doubts and fears most of all is a supportive husband.  He understands the birth process and doesn't want to see me in the hospital again (I think seeing the episiotomy was especially traumatic for him - and no, they didn't ask me if I wanted it).  He trusts me and because of that I can't help but trust myself.

As far as the U/S goes, I've considered getting one too, but the whitecoat syndrome is bad enough that the thought of having to make an appointment to discuss the U/S is puts me off (With our first, the U/S tech wouldn't tell us anything, saying that she just took the pictures and we had to go over the results with our doctor) Instead I'm practicing figuring out where the baby is by feeling around.  I just don't want the stress and anxiety that I felt with the first and I know a large part of that was going to see the doctor.

[mattemma04]

No I did not waiver with the UC of my first,but the possibility of my baby dying was something I thought about,.Your child dies during a homebirth with or without a MW and you will be investigated. Then there is the spouse and how would your relationship be if something goes wrong.You always hope for the best,but sometimes things go wrong.

Whether you UC or not always prep for it,because sometimes you will UC even if you had planned(or on the way) to a hospital birth! I had what would be considered complications and I dealt with them.Prep for the worst and most likely little to nothing will occur. I labored alone for pretty much all the labor.It was easier than having someone hovering over me all nervous.....making me nervous.

[EchoSoul]

Originally Posted by Almi 

I just skimmed this thread, so sorry if I repeat anything, but just wanted to say that a baby could die just as easily in the hospital (and babies do die in the hospital).

I never once doubted my decision to UC.  I wasn't scared at all during labor, and everything went quickly and smoothly, better than I ever could have imagined, because I was left to connect with my body and let it do its thing without any interruption or intervention. :)

From what I've read on UC websites, fetal death rate has actually skyrocketed since birth moved out of the home and into the hospital. I seriously think the reason my baby's heart stopped just after birth in the hospital was because of the birthing staff stressing me out(and thus baby) to the point that making his entrance into a bright, chilly room was enough to give him a little baby heart attack. He's fine now, thank goodness, but I'll never birth in a hospital again. I just wish homebirth would gain the popular majority again. Who knows how many infant deaths could have been prevented if women weren't taught to believe hospital protocol and interventions were just the way? :(

[Cyllya]

I haven't been pregnant yet, but I think I'll have doubts about my choice of birth venue regardless of which one I pick (planning for HB + MW so far). They all have their downsides; it seems they all have their own ways that they could cause you or your child to suffer if things go wrong. So, with the right twist of fate, any of them could turn out to be the wrong decision. So you just have to do your research and pick the one that seems most likely to have good results given your situation. But it's still hard not to wonder, "What if...?"

[amberskyfire]

I personally never do the ultrasound. I think it can be helpful in some cases and hurtful in others. You have to weigh the benefits with anything that could go wrong. Some doctors and midwives believe that ultrasound could possibly be very harmful, especially in early pregnancy.

I weighed my options based on the decisions I would make according to what I would find. Yes, ultrasound can detect problems, but most problems can also be detected with good prenatal care if you are measuring and checking your vitals and baby's vitals regularly using a fetoscope. I prefer to have midwife care for my prenatal care because she is much more experienced in finding problems without using doppler or a sonogram.

For other issues such as Down Syndrome, you have to weigh how important it is for you to know and how it would affect your decisions. Personally, I would not want to find out that my baby might have Down Syndrome. I would never abort a DS baby and making me worry about it with a false positive would only add stress to my pregnancy. I'll love my baby, no matter what might be different about it.

And for very serious health problems, I also had to weigh my decision on whether I would want to allow doctors to pressure me about problems. If my baby was positive for something horrible, I wouldn't want to know about it and I wouldn't want to be stuck in the hospital where they would take it away from me. I would rather a very seriously ill baby be allowed to die at home in peace in my arms than with tubes and needles shoved into it, alone and isolated in a plastic box.

But other moms feel differently. Some moms are all for having an unhealthy baby in hospital in hopes that it might be saved, so you have to explore your own feelings about what you want for your little one.

And like you said, it has definitely relieved a lot of stress for me. I knew from the start I wouldn't have ultrasound, so I never freaked out about things I hear lots of other moms worrying about. "Why didn't they find a heartbeat this time? Why can't we see a fetal pole? Why isn't the sac showing up this time? Why does it look like there are TWO in there? Doctor says baby might have XYZ, we need to go in for more testing next month. Etc. etc. etc."
 

Originally Posted by Lisa R 

Hi everyone,

I'm brand new to the forum, and I'm expecting my third in December.  With my first son, I had a midwife and we planned a homebirth but ended up transfered to hospital.  At the time, I wasn't very well researched, and just trusted my midwife for everything that was happening.  I'm still unclear about whether I could have had him at home, but this was in a province where midwives are legislated and they have a lot of regulations they need to follow.  He was born with an extremely short cord, and there was quite a bit of drama at the time of his birth.  Great labour though, up until pushing time.

Anyway, we moved provinces for our second, and had to pay for our midwife there.  But we had a fabulous experience, and a beautiful waterbirth at home!  That midwife is no longer available, and I haven't found another that I feel comfortable with.

So, that has left me feeling that UC is the right decision for us.  I have a few friends who have, and my partner is totally on board (and excited!) about doing it ourselves.

I have had a few moments of doubt, but I have done research on anything that 'worries' me in the moment, and I generally feel great about the decision!  I know that I am very close to a hospital too, if needed (only about 10 mins drive).

It helps too to hear other people's comments, and stories for sure.  I think that it's important to feel comfortable and confident in whatever you decide, it will go a long way in your birth!  Atleast that's been my experience.

The one decision that I have been doubting the most, is whether to get an Ultrasound or not.  I really feel no desire to have one, but a few people are suggesting it would be a good idea before UC.  What have you ladies done?  With my second son, I feel it didn't relieve stress, it caused it!

I'm so excited to finally be on the forum!!  

[IwannaBanRN]

I'm needing some positive reinforcement from those who have BTDT, please!!! I'm nearly 30 weeks and after my mom finding out that I'm having a UC and pulling the dead baby card on me, I've been starting to doubt having a UC, even though I was sure I wanted one before I ever found out I was pregnant. Even the simple things like keeping the cord stump clean, etc she is making me stress over. My biggest worry is this baby ending up a surprise breech. If I see butt or feet, I might run to the hospital. I'm getting zero support at home too. My DH isn't this baby's dad (seperated when I got pregnant) and when I told him I wanted to have an unassisted birth, he MISUNDERSTOOD what it meant and thought it meant a midwife being there and now isn't comfortable with a UC. In fact, he says it scares the hell out of him. What do I do?

[SilverSage]

I don't know how much help this will be. Most people here will say it's your body, your choice. And, to a degree, they're right. But.......this is your husband. Mine was terrified at the thought. He was scared to death of losing me and/or the baby. Because of that, I was willing to go with a midwife.Yes, I wanted a UC, but this was my DH and he was against it out of love. Does that make any sense?

We did not mesh with the local midwife at all. Neither of us wanted a hospital birth unless necessary. So he agreed to think about UC. I did tons of reading and research,......and didn't tell him about any of it. It just unnerved him. I told him that I was learning signs to look for that something wasn't right. If I saw/felt any of those, we were going to the hospital. That helped him, too. Then he didn't feel like HE was responsible for this birth. Maybe that would help you guys, maybe not.

In the end, things worked out well. I took care of the pregnancy (hearing the baby reassured him, too) and most of labor. Because of positioning he had to catch the baby and unwind the cord from her neck (surprise!) I took over again after that. Now he's proud as punch that he delivered his daughter! He is so much more bonded with this one than our other dd who was midwife delivered.

As for the mom inspired doubts, are they worries that come from you and your knowledge of baby/prenatal so far? Or are they just because of fear from your mom? It's normal to be scared,....I think. I was! Can you palpate and feel baby's position? I wasn't very good at that, but based on heartbeat and movement plus what lumps I could feel, I had a fair idea of how baby was setting. I think.

If you want a midwife/hospital/whatever, go for it! If you want a UC, don't  let go of it just because of your mom. There's plenty of other reasons to let go of it, but not that one.

I don't know if I'm getting what I want to across. I'm not good at communicating and I don't know if any of this was helpful, but here's good vibes for whatever you decide.

[IwannaBanRN]

I'm just one of those that NEED the approval of others and support and encouragement. I feel like I can't succeed unless I know I have people standing at my side. My DH is my rock, and he knows I can labor with his support. He's afraid of complications and doesn't want anything to happen to me or the baby. That's what has him so freaked out. I know that if things turn out okay that he'll look back on it and it'll be beautiful and intense. I have tried telling him all the research I've done and whatnot, but there's this cliche that people have put out there that goes "oh she thinks she knows everything because she looked it up on the internet!" and that's the attitude he has about my "research". Same goes with my mom. She's concerned about my well-being more than the baby's. Since this baby's isn't my DH's, she says that the baby 'will have to "grow on her"'. But still, trying to SCARE me out of it? Really? It only pushes me further away from hospital birth. I actually wanted to have a homebirth with my DD, but didn't know it was possible to have her at home without a midwife and was far too uneducated to have done it. This time, I'm so sure about my knowledge of childbirth, complications, breech, I have the hospital number on speed dial, I have all things NECESSARY for childbirth......All I need is someone to help me be strong about my decision. I KNOW with every fiber of my being that I want this. But to do it without support? Feeling like I am alone? I don't know if I can do that.