3 year old hits a lot

[JacksonMommy]

My oldest boy (3year old) is very tactile and very sensitive (emotional).  Whenever we raise our voice or sound slightly frustrated/mad he shuts down and bursts in to tears.  If we try to correct him or make a suggestion he gets upset, he’ll shout no and kick or hit.  My husband and I are new to Attachment/Gentle parenting.  We have seen many positive changes to our whole family but we struggle with how to communicate and positively discipline our older son. 

My concern is for his little brother.  Our 1 year old loves his big brother.  He wants to touch his toys, play with him and explore the world… but big brother is constantly knocking him down.  I understand that my older son doesn’t always want his little brother around.  He also tries to help us keep the little guy out of trouble (by grabbing, knocking him down or shouting) and does try to play with him sometimes (his hug is neck height though).  My problem is that he is too rough and when I suggest that he should be gentle, he gets worse. I want my boys to be kind and loving and it breaks my heart to see them being so rough.  I end up getting mad and feel like I have to separate them all the time.

What should I realistically expect from 3 year olds?  What is normal behavior for boys? Please share some advice, or posts I can read.

[insidevoice]

Sounds pretty normal here.  The behavior changed dramatically when I stopped the oldest in the moment by asking him to sit down right where he was whenever he hit/shoved/grabbed until he relaxed and regained his composure. It took one or two weeks of being super consistent with it but now when he's frustrated he steps away and sits down instead of clobbering his brother.  Not necessarily an approach everyone will like as it is very time-out-esque, but I tried everything else and it didn't work for him.  This did, and quickly.  It also gave him a tool to use when he is overwhelmed and frustrated.

We also are working actively on a lot of turn-taking activities- playing catch with a soft ball inside is a great one so the boys learn that taking turns isn't a terrible thing. Depending on the age of your one year old, this may or may not work, my guys are nearly two and recently three so they are both old enough to get something out of the experience.