How to deal with negative people

[Mommie22]

My first child was born at home. My placenta retained and I ended up needing a blood transfusion. The ones who supported homebirth from the beginning remained supportive, but those who didn't, well, didn't. I still support homebirth completely, but, because I bled out so quickly, this baby will be born either in a birth center close to the hospital or at a hospital. I'm only 9 weeks and I'm not even sure if a birth center is an option because of my history. The problem I'm having is that as some people are finding out about my pregnancy, the reaction is less than positive and the first thing they talk about is my first child's birth. This child was a surprise for us btw, so everyone thought I was done. I could see the horror on my sister's face when I told her and I can only imagine the reaction my mother is going to have. I already know that I'll need to do my own work to fully emotionally recover from the first birth, so the reactions I'm getting are a bit terrifying to me. It breaks my heart that this child isn't being celebrated and it's making me want to become a hermit. How do I tell people to mind their own business? I want to be sensitive to their feelings, but really, it's not about them at this point. I guess I'm looking for some armor. Help me wise women. 

[amberskyfire]

The second time around, I'm telling people that my birth plans are between me and my OB and are not up for discussion. The finality of the statement seems to work to shut mouths and then you can divert the conversation to greener pastures.

[Mummoth]

I think subsequent babies are always less exciting to other people, even if they aren't being negative per se. My sister actually cried tears of joy when I told her I was pregnant with my first! It sounds like your sister could just be a little worried, but you're taking precautions in case the placenta retention happens again... I'm sure once she's had time to absorb it all, she'll come around. 

For friends, if they say something out of line, something like "My doctor assures me that all births are different, and I'm at no greater risk of having a problem this time around than anyone else." Then say something really positive about your pregnancy and if they aren't a complete moron, they'll take the hint that you don't want to play "What if?" with them.

[whovian21]

We've decided to do a home-birth with a midwife, no drugs, all natural, all the way.  Its my first.  When I told my mom she freaked out, and is still freaking out.  She's been ragging on me so much about it that I finally had to tell her that this was how it was going to be and she could either be supportive and participate or wait at my sil's two houses down during the process.  So now she's hushed.

[Mommie22]

I first learned about homebirth because I was trying to discredit my sister's decision to do so. I really wanted to prove her wrong, but the more I researched, the more I began believing that it would be the right choice for me. The people who don't support homebirth are the same people who don't research it.

[1love4ever]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mommie22

 The people who don't support homebirth are the same people who don't research it.

I completely agree!  When I first told DH that I wanted a home birth he was against it, but was still going to "allow" it after I pushed him and told him thats what I wanted and it was about me because I was the one having a baby and I am not stupid so I would not make a major decision like that without knowing it was safe first...  Anyway I convinced him to read Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth and now he is telling Everyone how great home birth is and telling other people to read the book and is like a home birth advocate, its pretty funny considering his initial reaction of horror lol.

Anyway, in response to your OP, I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my first baby.  No one had a clue that I wanted to get pregnant and then I just told everyone i was pregnant and since they didnt like my SO, they were appauled that I was pregnant.  For all but the last month or 2 of my pregnancy my whole family just acted like I wasnt even pregnant at all, never asked about it or talked about it.  I was crushed because I felt like no one cared about my baby and that her life was not being celebrated and no one was excited for me or anything.  I had no clue what to do about it, and because of how they acted for most of my pregnancy, I didnt even want to tell anyone when I was in labor, and I didnt tell anyone DD was born for about 6 hours after her birth. 

If people say something negative to you, I would honestly just tell them to mind their own, or if it is something negative about home/natural birth, tell them not to even talk to you about it until they have researched it themselves.  How can they lecture you on it if they know nothing about it?  When people say something negative to me about home birth(I am pregnant again), I look at them funny and say "Do you even know anything about home birth?"  That usually shuts them up lol.