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"You're holding her back by keeping her out of school." - Page 3

post #41 of 42
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the link! I can maybe look into that book, but our library doesn't carry it and we can't afford to buy, but I'll definitely try "Einstein Didn't Use Flashcards." I've heard great things about it, not just from this board.

post #42 of 42
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post



I still don't see what the big deal is about letting go of other people's approval. You don't need to convince anyway. You are the grown up. It's your kid.


"We are doing this for now because it is working well for now" shuts down a lot of conversations. The follow up, "I can see how you could feel that way, but none the less, this is what we've decided to do." 


Unless you are sitting around waiting for others to validate every parenting choice, it's really about all you need.



I would say that from what LITTLE I know about OP's personal situation, I know that some extremely rigid families are all about control.  I have not just one mother...but three mothers.  My mother AND two of my sisters all tried to influence my decisions from everything regarding breastfeeding to picking up the child to getting those kids into preschool BECAUSE "you don't want them socially awkward...they are shy enough as it is".


My family is very affluent (not me, I'm pretty broke), and they have made controlling an art form.  They can control my reactions by a tone of voice, a look of the eye, a snide comment or "should" statements.   And they are masters at catastrophizing and have declared that if I didn't put down that child/stop breastfeeding/put that child in preschool by age three, I'd basically be ruining my child.


Family influences are some of THE most powerful means of mind control.  orngtongue.gif


You are told to 'respect your elders' and 'do what you are told', so when you don't, family members are notorious for making one feel guilty for following your own inner wisdom. 


I think this is doubly so for when you have a controlling family or basically all around unsupportive family members.  Support for our choices gives us courage to keep trusting ourselves to make good choices.  Lack of support or downright criticism diverts energy into worry and shame and guilt, "well, maybe I AM harming my child if I don't do what Mom/sister/Aunt Henrietta thinks I should do".


It seems to me that the stakes are a tiny bit higher when you have gifted kids to raise.  In the wrong environment (and to me, a bullying environment is the WRONG environment, but I do agree that you should first RESEARCH the school and bring your concerns to the staff before you decide), a child's gifted talents would end up being utilized on the struggle to SURVIVE not THRIVE.


Please do not take the bullying aspect lightly.  This stuff is SERIOUS. 


I was a somewhat very smart, extremely sensitive child.  By 8th grade, I thought about seriously about committing suicide IN school about 3 times due to bullying (I moved 3 times between 7th and 8th and was bullied in ALL three schools and the most by my own race).  I had a very unsupportive and chaotic family.  I used my social studies class dreaming up ways I was going to kill myself - either by taking a lot of aspirin in the bathroom of school...or running from the class and into the street hoping to get killed by a truck.


I'm not trying to use a scare tactic (though that might come out that way).  I am just speaking from my own experience which may be a rare occurrence.


I also think it's possible to create a worksheet-free stimulating learning environment for preschoolers.


You can check out what we did here...










the more hands-on learning you can incorporate, the better.  and you don't always have to buy things either...but print out things from the internet (math games, kitchen science experiments, etc)




Edited by Miss Information - 8/22/11 at 10:36am
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