Advice on being the boss - employing a nanny

[Ruby2]

Dd is 20 months and we just let our 2nd nanny go yesterday. :-( I just can't seem to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who works for me - I'm a huge pushover! I am good at laying down clear expectations in the beginning, but things seem to slowly unravel as time passes.

Do you have any tips for being a good employer? For instance, do you do performance reviews? What are your expectations about communication?

Thank in advance!  

[LittleGriff]

I hated being the boss! Despite perfectly good nanny experiences, putting the kids in daycare was such a relief.

I don't feel like a pushover generally but my job has enough strife, more at home kills me and results in me being a super softy. (Typical I bet.) For me, picking a nanny who wouldn't need pushing was huge. I didn't end up picking the most proactive person but the characteristics I honed in on thinking they would save me emotional grief turned out to be very valuable. It was very important to me to find someone very mild-mannered.

I never did performance reviews but did revisit the contract annually to update the tasks based on kid development/needs. If there was an ongoing issue I mentioned it in person on an "up" day for both of us, or my husband would in the morning. We tried to give the nanny space and a sense of control over her environment and respect for her skills/expertise, and only offered feedback if she was straying too far from our vision, which was not often.

I'm not sure if that helps but I would say if you've got the right person it seems like maintaining a healthy relationship should come with some ease.

[SilverFish]

have you thought about doing a nanny share instead of just a nanny for your own family? i can't imagine trying to keep a healthy relationship in that situation either... i'm too close to my own past as a children's caregiver (plus being a SAHM) to keep any kind of equilibrium about it. i still have a hard time when i drop my dd off at daycare because i want to change her diaper and get her snacks and they just want me out of their hair!

however, we did get involved in a nannyshare when we were first looking for care. the situation didn't work out for reasons entirely unrelated, but it was very refreshing to share the responsibilities of hiring, communicating and working with the nanny with two other families. the relationship just naturally had a bit more space, and we were able to maintain a professional atmosphere over a period of time. there are other challenges (other people's kids in your house sometimes, other people's ideas on how things should go), but it might be something worth looking into? 

[lunarlady]

The key is finding the right person that meshes with your personality. Imagine dating..do you think you would marry your first boyfriend? Some do, most don't. Nanny and family is a relationship. It may take a few different people to find the right one for your family. Good luck and hang in there.