I am really struggling right now. I am 27 wks pregnant with my 4th child (our others are 6, 4 and 2). I cry easily and I feel angry a lot. Most of the anger is vented at my husband, although I do feel like a have a shorter fuse with my kids, too. There are a lot of things going on in my life and I don't know if this is a real, chemical depression or if it's just a combination of factors (and whether that matters or not).
This was a surprise pregnancy. I had just accepted a part-time job offer after being a SAHM for 6 years. I was really looking forward to working again, but I turned the job down once I found out I was pregnant (many reasons - cost of childcare, not wanting to leave a newborn in care, worried about being overwhelmed with four kids and a job). I feel like I'm "over" the job thing - I don't think about it anymore or mourn not working. I'm mostly excited about being pregnant - we are having a baby girl after three boys and there's a lot of newness in that. But I also feel exhausted and fairly overwhelmed as it is, so I worry about how I will handle all this when the baby comes. We live 1000 miles away from family and just moved here a year ago, so while we have some friends, we don't have a huge support network. I don't sleep well at night (a combination of our kids waking periodically and a sleep disorder I've had for years) so I am just tired all the time. I'm eating well (we follow a high fat/protein/low carb diet) and taking vitamins and all that. I walk for exercise, but don't get time to do it on my own so it's not relaxing or mind-clearing (more like pushing a stroller and breaking up a fight between my two oldest while we walk to the grocery store). An added stress is that my parents are not well (emotionally and physically) and I feel a lot of guilt over moving away from them a year ago and am searching for a way to move a bit closer.
Overall, I just feel....sad, bored, tired, angry. I want my DH to take the kids somewhere and leave me alone. But I don't know what to do with myself when he does. He is very helpful around the house and with the kids - he does bedtime for all three, does almost all our laundry, takes the kids out when I need a break. But there is still so much to do, to clean, to remember. I have a billion things I want/need to get done and no energy to do them. I cried to my DH last night...I couldn't really express why....just that I feel like I don't ever have fun anymore and don't even know how to relax. We get out alone every 2 wks (we have a sitter) and even then, I feel tense, kind of bored, edgy. Our 10 year anniversary is this week and....all I can think about is whether my DH will want to DTD and it just sounds like too much work.
Ugh - I hate how all this sounds. I'm normally a pretty happy, upbeat person. How do I beat this?